Text Message: "I'm Poly..." WTF?!?!?!
PolyKat (PK) informed me of her feelings of being Poly through text message…yes, I know this happened a while ago but I have just had time to think about it and reflect on how fucked-up of a way to find this out. I did think (at that time) that it was an untimely notification but since coming to grips with it I realize that I feel that her timing was terrible and her method of notification (and the way she even approached it) was fucked up…
BACKGROUND…BK is away on business, she left in October not to return until April. I visited her in December (left her on the 30th). Prior to my visit, she almost fucked (flirted with fucking) another dude (not love, lust). We argued and got through it the situation. PK has always told me (we have been together for over 3 years) that I could have a girlfriend. She especially wanted me to get one to ‘replace’ her (sexually) while she was away on business. All of which, I declined because I felt that it would be unfair for me to be having sex and her not being able to do the same (hence the reason I was upset at the above ‘almost’). Also, in my mind I felt her offer was her way to eventually have another man…I told her (several time over the past 3 years) about my feelings and she assured me that she didn’t want another man…she only wanted me happy. Her ideal situation (at that time) was for me to have a live-in girlfriend to help her out with my sexual appetite.
Now, here is our text conversation (as I remember it) from 7 January…8 days after I left her:
PK: Hey my love…I need you to do me a favor
ME: Anything for you my love…what you need
PK: I need you to be with another woman…but not just sex, I want you to have a relationship with her
ME: What are you talking about???
PK: It’s not for you, I need to figure out some things about me and this will help
ME: Ok…but how will me fucking someone else help you figure out some things about you?
PK: Not just FUCK…but a real relationship with her knowing about me and when I return we can all do things together…polymarous.com (NOTE: this is not the right website, but it wasn’t this one either)…go there and you will see what I’m talking about
ME: I’m on my phone…not searching a website now…just tell me
PK: I want you to love another woman like you love me and we all be good together
ME: What happens when if I fall for this other woman and you are replaced?...just a fuck, I can do but the love/relationship not sure if I can maintain 2 of them
PK: I just need you to try this, please…I’m not worried about you falling out of love with me
ME: Ok…what is this REALLY about…the whole “I just want to see if I can handle it” don’t fly with me
NOTE: We went on for 30-45 minutes on what was really going on and finally I got this
PK: I want you to do this to see if you can like the polymarous lifestyle…and if you do, then you will let me try
ME: So you still trying to fuck another dude?...NOPE, I’m not with this at all
PK: I don’t want to fuck some random dude, I want a relationship with him
ME: does this ‘relationship’ involve sex?
PK: It may after a while, but not at first
ME: Then…HELL NAWL…it’s either me or him or them…NOT me and any other man…
Anyway, this is how I found out about PK being poly…as you already know, I’m not poly…I’m (what I describe as) Mono- Swinger-Alpha in a Poly-Supportive role…meaning, MONO, I don’t think that I can have another ‘relationship; Swinger, I can have (unemotional) sex with another; Alpha, I need to be the only male (can’t wait to hear how wrong I am for this one); Poly-Supportive, PK can have other (sexual) relationships with women only...correction long term, romantic, sexual relationships with women only (KM34 thanks for the pointing this out).
So my two questions (other than WTF) are:
1) What is your opinion on the method of how I found out and what how would you felt if you found out this way?
2) How did you tell (or how were you told) your partner/spouse about poly...meaning face-to-face, planned dinner, surprise poly-party, ect?
Thanks again for reading my novel.
Last edited by newguy; 01-26-2012 at 08:41 PM.