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Old 12-29-2011, 10:24 AM
urmila urmila is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: chennai, India
Posts: 56
Default my dilemma

I am south indian married woman 42, husband is 45. have a son 20 doing his graduate course in another town. I am a home maker and not working outside, basically shy and introvert, but once i get to know a person over a time, i can be free. He is quite opposite and ours is monogamous marriage and until now neither of us had any affair. Now I am in a peculiar situation and am afraid of the future
Recently my cousin(40) has got a job in our town and we had invited him and his wife(38) to stay with us until they gets settled in her new job and finds a decent place to stay. They don’t have any children. Both of them are extrovert like my husband, and all of us were getting on well and had almost accepted them to stay with us until he is working here. suddenly, my husband sprang a surprise telling that He is attracted to my cousin and wants the 4 of us to be a family, and all the time assuring me that he loves me very much and cant think of living without me, also that he will be miserable if I dont accept in which case they have to move out. I dont doubt about his love and i am sure he wont start an affair if i dont accept. Ours is a very conservative traditional society, and was shocked and he told me to think about it. I have not given any answer to this

Meanwhile i took this up with my cousin, he confessed that his wife also expressed the same sentiments. He is sure that she wont proceed further without our consent. And another shocking thing he said was, after his wife revealed her sentiment she told him that she will be happy if he can develop a relationship with me. After that he confessed that he has started seeing me differently and found that it is not a bad idea at all, and dont want to leave us, at the same time assuring me that everything depends on me and nothing will be done behind my back and explained that it is not like just wife swapping like what we have read about, and it is all of us genuinely loving each other. He said it is not a very strange idea and there is even a word for that type of living –“POLIMORY” and gave me some links for me to explore and know more about this. This is the first I have started exploring.
And I am still confuse more than that worried and getting anxious about our future. I have told both my husband and cousin that I need more time to consider this. I honestly don’t know how to deal with the situation. I hope as I explore more I could come to a conclusion with some guidance from people who have adopted this life style.
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Old 01-08-2012, 07:54 AM
Kambicpl78's Avatar
Kambicpl78 Kambicpl78 is offline
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 6

Well we are 100% new to Poly and only found out about it in search for what you'd call what we are looking for in our lives.

We are a 34M/33F couple from Canada, married 7 years, with up's and down's lately more downs as we are trying to figure out how to adapt our relationship, home and lifestyle to fulfill our lives more.

We have talked about "having a 3rd" live with us on several occasions over the years, down to rules if it was a female, if it was a male... What would cheating be considered. This mainly started when we thought of getting a roommate and the idea surfaced in joking, then became serious... But it seems almost overwhelming as where to start, how or where do you approach anyone. Neither of us hit the dating scene long and we're never in anything serious till we met and hit it off.

The biggest problem at our current stage is where to talk to people and how to describe what we are looking for and wording it delicately as not to offend anyone since we are new to this. Mainly the fact we are looking for a friend which relationship possibilities NOT swingers! It's not about the sex, more sharing a relationship, our home (might add no kids) etc. It seems more dating sites which allow married or couples are mainly used by swingers and locally any mention of a 3rd quickly turns into "you want a threesome", "I'd **** your wife", etc. Basically where to look and avoid the sluts. :

We are not looking to get married, lol. Just open our lives to share with someone else which together should make things better as we live n learn from eachother.
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Old 01-12-2012, 07:45 PM
oooceleste oooceleste is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1
Default I've found the answer! (I think. I hope.)

I am a decent, respectable woman whose life was derailed by the fact that I am not by nature monogamous, or vanilla. 'Playing away' to get my kink attended to led to the end of my marriage and caused tremendous pain for my entire family. To say I have regrets would be an understatement.

I have been celibate for years pondering the way ahead. I don't want to hurt anyone or lie or cheat ever again. But I can't deny my kink, and I can't pretend I will be faithful to one man forever and ever, and the chances of finding a life partner who shares my kink in this small city are extremely remote. I don't like casual sex. I am made for relationships, and have found that for me, a relationship may change in its nature but the connection and the caring go on.

I was excited when I thought of a solution: polyamory. What I have been missing most is warm, loving, ordinary cuddling up in bed. Vanilla sex is still my default setting. There must be a vanilla man out there who would like a LTR relationship with me and wouldn't mind me getting my kinky itch scratched by a third party.

I'm just at the start of my journey. I'm excited and apprehensive, and hope I'm being realistic. I know it's a minefield and expect I will need lots of support and advice. Thank god for the net.
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Old 01-13-2012, 10:13 PM
cjmobxnc cjmobxnc is offline
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: in the buckle of the Bible belt of the South
Posts: 29

I found this site while looking for reading material on polyamory. My ex-husband and I were in a poly relationship (MMF) about 11 years ago. Had some really bad things happen between my daughter and her father (my ex) which ended up causing both the poly relationship and the relationship between my ex and I to blow up and fall apart. My daughter ended up living with her godparents and I moved in with my mom and her roommate. I kept thinking about what could have happened if things had been done differently, and finally decided to look for some poly reading material. During the search, I found this forum. I hope to meet many people who are also wanting to learn about poly, doesn't matter if you are poly or not. Just looking for friends to learn with.
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Old 01-19-2012, 10:20 AM
Lilpinkyshortcake Lilpinkyshortcake is offline
New Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Phila,Pa
Posts: 3
Red face New here

Im Pinky shortcake. Im married for 8 yrs together 18. We have 3 kids. He is straight and mono. Myself on the other hand am bi and new to poly(the title not the lifestyle)

How I got here.

I lived as a mono straight wife until 5-6 yrs ago. I reconnexted with a girl from high school. We grew to become best friends. Over time we developed feelings for each other. Eventually We (or at least I) fell head over heels in love with each other. She (j) had relationships with women in the past until she married. During our relationship i realized it was completely possible to be in love with more than 1 person.
I did tell my husband of my feelings for her. He suprisingly was ok with the relationship because up to that point i had been honest. She had not told her husband anything.
We decided to become physical. Which was the most amazing time in my life. Id never felt sooo much love as I did then. I decided not to tell my husband(only lie ive ever told him.) i did this for her. She wasn't ready to let her husband know. Well needless to say her husband was told the truth. Yet this woman who i believed loved me as she said denied our entire 5 yr love affair. She dismissed it as if it was nothing. Completely broke my heart but also changed my life.
Had this not happened my husband would not know the person Ive kept hidden until J.
R(husband) and I have decided that this lifestyle would work for us. We have great communication and no secrets. We together are at a place where allowing another into our lives will only make it better.
Im completely satisfied in my marriage but i crave the love of a woman. The understanding ,compassion and love only a woman can give.
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Old 01-21-2012, 09:10 PM
snap6674 snap6674 is offline
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Denver
Posts: 5

Hello . . . allow me to introduce myself. My user name is "Snap" or "snap6674" if you would like my real name, just send a not...I am not shy. My wife, Jules, and I are not shy about our lifestyle. I am happy to inform you that Jules gives an absolutely stellar Blow Job. That's her gift! She is a professional orally, and...although I would love to watch or participate in her action, that is her desire...to please men. Jules is shy when it comes to groups, but, Jules also LOVES women (as long as the know how to kiss) and she will gladly share me with that lucky woman and watch.

I, personally, am most happy when I am chosen to be a 3rd. I am experienced with MF, FF, and even experienced being a 4th if needed. Although I am gifted in pleasing all women, I am also gifted in making a MF or FF fantasy come true.

That's me and Jules...Men, let me know your interest and I'll be glad to hook you up with my wife (however, you better have an above average, pretty cock). Couples...i"m here to please...figure out what you want and I'm in!

That's me and Jules...take a chance?
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Old 01-21-2012, 09:17 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Holy shit!
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

Click here for a Solo Poly view on hierarchical relationships
Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
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Old 01-21-2012, 11:08 PM
snap6674 snap6674 is offline
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Denver
Posts: 5

Um...I got that in my in-box...was that "holy shit" meant as a reply to my introduction? Just checking cause I'm still trying to figure this site out. Please let me k ROCnow either way?

BTW...You ROCK!!!!
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Old 01-25-2012, 02:05 AM
thetasignmom thetasignmom is offline
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 7

My name is Elise and I am married to a wonderful man. He and I have been married for 16 years and together for 17. Four years ago, I fell in love with a woman I met on line and after a year of LD dating, we all moved in together. Just recently I have added another male lover to my life who is also living with us. I also am the mom to three children, all of whom still live at home. At this time, I am the only member of my tribe with multiple lovers although my wife is open to finding a man that she can share time and relationship with. We are a srong Pagan family and our spiritual paths are our primary focuses.
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Old 01-26-2012, 01:36 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,892

(Not-So?) Short Intro:

37 y/o poly bi female, hinge in V with husband, MrS, (together for 20 years, married for 16) and bf, Dude, (I first met 20 mos ago, together for 9 mos). Dude has been essentially living with us since the the day we “got together” (we tease him that he is such a U-haul lesbian...>smile<). One bedroom house, one king-size bed – I get the middle. (Dude sleeps on the couch if MrS is snoring too loud). No kids. Two dogs, one cat, one snake.

I've known I was poly since ...always (well before the word came into usage), and known I was bi since my (then future) husband pointed out that being attracted to and sleeping with men and women was, by definition, “bisexuality” (who knew you needed a word for that? My answer to “Are you straight or gay?” was always just “no”).

MrS: 39 y/o straight (“but not narrow”) male, probably monogamous, and can apparently read my mind...

Dude: 34 y/o hetero male, poly (although he didn't know the word until he met me) and perpetually horny...

MrS and Dude were friends for a year or two before I was introduced to Dude.

I have two very relaxed LDR FWB type relationships (of 19 and 5 years duration) with bisexual women who have primary type relationships with men.

Back in the TCP/IP days on the internet (early to mid '90s) I used to lurk and occasionally post to alt.polyamory on Usenet (under a different pseudonym). But as nothing was changing in my own personal poly life I drifted away. Now with a radical shift in my situation (i.e. Dude) I find myself in need of some poly community conversation – and am so pleased to find you all here and the conversations thriving.

(Oh yeah, other things you might notice about me – I am a.) long-winded and b.) overly fond of parenthetical asides...and ellipses >grin<. I wrote a whole lot more, but decided that, as my “not-so-short” intro, was running to 3 pages I should probably just cut it to the basics and save the rest for a blog-type thread...if I get around to it... I am also a massive procrastinator.)
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