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Old 01-24-2012, 12:11 AM
MeeraReed MeeraReed is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: East Coast, U.S.
Posts: 441


I'm so sorry for your pain.

Your boyfriend sounds like a complete tool. He is giving poly people a bad name.

Please dump him. He doesn't deserve your love.

Being in love with someone is no reason to stay with them when they are treating you badly. Losing a love feels like it will kill you--but it doesn't really kill you.

I was in a similar place when I was in college--in a relationship with a poly guy who treated me horribly. I didn't know anything about poly, but I was intrigued by it and took his word for how it was supposed to work. I thought he was a much better person than me because he didn't feel the horrible jealousy I felt. When I talked to him about things that bothered me, he told me it was my fault.

He was my first sexual relationship, so I felt he was really special.

Eventually he dumped me in a cruel way, and I spent months in a deep depression, consumed by anger that I had never stood up for myself and dumped him when I had the chance.

When I finally got myself together and went on a date with another guy, I realized IMMEDIATELY that MOST PEOPLE will treat me better than the douchebag I lost my virginity to.

If I'd had the courage to get out there and go on EVEN ONE DATE with ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD while I was in college, I would have learned enough to not have spent almost two years with a "poly" guy who did not give a crap about me.

Like you, I am shy and awkward and do not always feel attractive. But you know what? I am cool and kind and smart and have interesting hobbies. Lots of people like me.

Losing your first love is hard. But I don't see any way you can get this guy to understand your needs. He's already dismissed them.

Please know that you can do WAY better this guy. I don't even know you, but I know that!
Single, straight, female, solo, non-monogamous.
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boundaries, mono poly, mono/poly, monogamy and polyamory, self-esteem

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