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Old 01-23-2012, 06:12 AM
trescool's Avatar
trescool trescool is offline
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: ontario, Canada
Posts: 59
Default when poly goes weird

I'm relatively new here but reading these posts have helped me to pluck up my courage and join the conversation. I'm strangely glad to hear my problems and situation arent so unique.

So, the past year of my life in a nutshell... I've known a mf couple for a long time, but not well. Then, I moved to their area last spring and started to become a part of their lives much more deeplu, as friends. I'd felt for a couple of months like we were poly without admitting it, because of the way I took on a couple like role in their lives, sharing responsibilities with them for caring for their child, their home, caring for each other. But I was stupid and made the mistake of fooling around with the guy before sitting down with both of them to talk about it all. That was a mistake I will never make again. That coloured everything in our coming relationship horribly, and I still regret it to this day.

Aftr sitting down to talk seriously about what had happened, how we were all feeling, and what we should do about it, we decided to try a poly relationship, since theyd both talked about it for years. Things became very intense and I took on my new role in their family as if I were married to them both. (second mistake, right there, I know). In my defense, I'd never had anyone ever promise me even in jest the stability that this couple showed me through their promises of commitment to me and their inclusion of me, basically full-time in their daily lives. But things started to getbreally rocky, really soon.

It slowly became clear The woman, I'll call her R. was only experimenting with the idea of poly. She was basically doing it to try and save her marriage. I had known that they wee having problems, but wrongly thought that these problems were due to the disability R. has, which affects her mental and physical health. since I have a disability myself, I can understand how difficult it is to try and raise a child, care for a home, work, and somehow find some time and money to take care of yourself. I wrongly assumed that having my presence there in both their lives to help things come together would make a difference in their marriage. I think I can honestly say I did make a difference in their lives, and R came to a place where she was able to take on ,any responsibilities shed been previously unable to do thanks to having some more monetary and social stabiliy in her life. But their marriage was fallung apart before my eyes.

Well, I went through a roller coaster for 9 months between loving my boyfriend, lets say T., and a slow but certain disintegration of my relationship with R. Finally it became clear to me that I had to leave. I told them both I'd be moving in the fall to take some space. At that point in time, I had no idea what would happen, but I knew I couldnt be with R., as she was verbally abusive to me and physically abusive to her husband (yes, that does happen...). He wasnt physically intimidated by her, but the emotional instabiliy of abuse is unbearable, not to mentiin, just not worth it for anyone.

Long story short, they filed for divorce. R. is angry at me for "ruining her marriage" and I had to blocked her from all im and ccommunication with me after she continued to send me texts swearing at me, even contacting my family to call me a slut, etc.

Well, T. and I started ti have a better life, to be blunt. We began to take care of ourselves, get further education, and concentrate on the one thing most important to us.... his daughter. We love her to bits.

However, seeing as I'm super duper bi, ie almost a lesbian, I started to miss women very very deeply around this winter, but especially since new years (with its promises of new possibilities). I've felt strange being with a man, not with a woman, and all those typical lesbian type themes a person normalky hears about. T. has always wanted something polyamorous, so he's really not upset by this at all. in fact, really supportuve and encouraging would be the better descriptor. I'm pretty naive about the Lesbian dating world, and my mind seems ti be stuck in the adolescent phase ofdevelopment when it comes to women. they're so pretty. But will they ever like me? And how does a person find a dyke anyway? And what happens to all my fantasies and dreams of a monogamous marriage to a woman now that I've fallen in love with a man, and taken his daughter into my life? Is my family gonna freak out like his did if I tell them? I deeply crave the social recognition of being with a woman, marrying a woman with a big ceremony and flowers and a pouffy dress. Will I always have to hide that I'm poly? everyone knows i'm dating T., how am I supposed to come out about... oh bbythe way, I'm actually deepky bi and love women and this is my girlfriend, and thats very important to me too? ..... continued....
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bisexuality, children, divorce, lessons, love, primary, triad, triad fallout/vee, triads

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