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  #11  
Old 01-06-2012, 11:00 AM
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neegoola neegoola is offline
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Originally Posted by geminisag511 View Post
I like the reference to Latin,
you mean "love and do what you like?" yes, Agostino recommended it. anyway other flourishing characters supported it, like A.Crowley and A.LaVey for instance; forcing someone to go other direction than one's own genuine Will, always brings up depression.

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Originally Posted by geminisag511 View Post
and I do thank you for the reminder to "breathe" and that as co-creators of our experiences, I can just allow, and "be".

I am here to experience joy and not decide for someone else.
it's very sweet feeling you very much more relaxed
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  #12  
Old 01-16-2012, 06:33 AM
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NovemberRain NovemberRain is offline
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I, personally, am a bi-sexual woman who would be devastated if we brought on another "wife" and I was left out of the sexual relationship. The weird thing is that it isn't the sex itself, it is that the sex may lead to an emotional relationship and I don't know that I would be entirely comfortable sharing my husband in that way. But, selfishly, I really want an actual relationship with another woman. So, I want to be in a loving relationship with my husband, and a loving relationship with another wife, but I am uncomfortable with them having a relationship with each other. Wow, epiphany- I am actually pretty insecure, who knew?
Hi geminisag,

I told both my boyfriends (when we were starting our monogamous relationships): 'I don't share.' When I found First bf having tea with another woman, whom I hadn't met and hadn't been told about, I broke up with him.

It was a little harsh on me, when I realized I wanted them both (well, okay, not realized that I wanted them; but realized it was a possibility that I might *have* both of them), and I realized I still didn't want to share.

I had to say to Current bf, 'it feels a bit rude to ask you to share me, and say that I don't wish to share you.' He was full of reassurance about why that was fine, and I do believe him. They are deeply good friends, and that is a lot of why it's okay with them.

We have been an emotional triad for about 7 years ~ though we didn't call it that. Now we have a sexual 'vee', with me at the hinge.

So when you say relationship, do you mean you don't want them to talk to each other? Or that you don't want them to have sex with each other?

Truthfully, when I got here, the lovely dingedheart pushed me on why I wouldn't share, and wasn't that unfair to them. I realized that if they came to me with a joy and passion for someone else, I could find a way to go there. Because I love them both so very, very much, and I want them to be happy. It's in my best interest for them to be happy.

It's not at all selfish to want what you want. How you go about getting it or giving it can be measured against 'selfish'. But wanting is just a feeling.
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Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
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Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)
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  #13  
Old 01-22-2012, 07:54 PM
thetasignmom thetasignmom is offline
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Originally Posted by NovemberRain View Post
Hi geminisag,
Truthfully, when I got here, the lovely dingedheart pushed me on why I wouldn't share, and wasn't that unfair to them. I realized that if they came to me with a joy and passion for someone else, I could find a way to go there. Because I love them both so very, very much, and I want them to be happy. It's in my best interest for them to be happy.

It's not at all selfish to want what you want. How you go about getting it or giving it can be measured against 'selfish'. But wanting is just a feeling.
I know this was not to me or for me, but it resonates very deeply with me. It is a struggle for me to define what it is that I want without needing to label the wanting itself as "selfish". I love the idea that how I go about creating what I want can be selfish or not while the wanting of it can remain unjudged by me. I currently have three lovers that share me while I do not share any of them.....

greedy? selfish? maybe..

But I also recognise that I am moving forward more and more into the idea that as I experience more love from my partners, I have more love to give to my partners. Might that also be true for them...if they experience moe love, might they have more to share with me???

This poly walk is hard and scary but far more rewarding than I ever imagined. And I feel so incredibbly blessed to be sharing the journey with such patient and loving souls.

Thanks for the food for thought!
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  #14  
Old 01-28-2012, 11:11 PM
JohnnyDangerously JohnnyDangerously is offline
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Originally Posted by thetasignmom View Post
I know this was not to me or for me, but it resonates very deeply with me. It is a struggle for me to define what it is that I want without needing to label the wanting itself as "selfish". I love the idea that how I go about creating what I want can be selfish or not while the wanting of it can remain unjudged by me. I currently have three lovers that share me while I do not share any of them.....

greedy? selfish? maybe..


But I also recognise that I am moving forward more and more into the idea that as I experience more love from my partners, I have more love to give to my partners. Might that also be true for them...if they experience moe love, might they have more to share with me???

This poly walk is hard and scary but far more rewarding than I ever imagined. And I feel so incredibbly blessed to be sharing the journey with such patient and loving souls.

Thanks for the food for thought!
IF they are seeing you exclusively (while knowing about each other) and are CHOOSING to not seek other relationships, then you are not being greedy or selfish...

If they WANT to pursue other relationships but are not because you have forbidden it, either expressly or by actions/reactions, then yes, you are being very selfish and manipulative even, and not really acting according to the spirit of polyamory.

Just my two cents...
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