Forced to make a decision
I've recently... Been forced to make a decision about the relationship I have with my poly man. And I don't quite know what to do, and I'm hoping for some advice or encouragement.
Basically, in a little less than 5 weeks, there is a convention. This same convention last year, I met my guy, and since then we've had a relationship.
Now, those who've seen my posts before, obviously know I'm not comfortable with him being poly, and... I try my best to get by, and deal with it. But it really does mostly make me feel terrible. But I love him, so I try.
Anyway. This event, which I have loved and gone to for years, is basically his "crazy" weekend. I think he's already made plans to have some one-night stands, or meet people, and just really sleep around.
And... I don't know if I can handle the heartbreak of both not going to the event, and hearing about him sleeping around and meeting new partners like that.
Now, he's told me I should go with friends to the event, so I don't miss out. But I know my mind will be on him all night, and I know if I see him with another woman, I will get upset. And even more so if I see him being affectionate, or taking them up to his room.
I'm really at a loss of what to do, because it seems like I'll be hurt if I stay, or if I leave.
I asked him the other night about something he used to tell me. He used to tell me he only wanted a romantic relationship, the sort of intimacy and romance we have, with me.
I asked him if this was still true, and he changed his tune, basically saying if he meets someone else, romance is in his nature. And he tried to change what he said to what he meant. (Which, is bullshit, to me. If he wants to change it, change it. But don't try and pretend I heard it wrong, you know?)
Also, he forgot he made plans with me on Valentine's day and scheduled a rehearsal with his band... And instead made plans with me the day before.
Am I allowed to be hurt that he just forgot about plans like that he made with me? Also, the fact is that he made them, crying to me, the last time I was seriously contemplating leaving him?
I just... I don't know what to do. I really would love private conversation, or just someone to talk to about this.
I keep trying to accept the poly lifestyle he leads, but it's so damn hard when I'm such a monogamous person.
|boundaries, mono poly, mono/poly, monogamy and polyamory, self-esteem|