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  #11  
Old 08-20-2009, 10:52 PM
Catfish Catfish is offline
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Default thank you

JRiver,
I will do this.
Thank you,
Catfish
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  #12  
Old 08-21-2009, 11:33 PM
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Originally Posted by JRiverMartin View Post
Seriously, set aside some quiet time; maybe even keep a pencil and paper handy..., and look very carefully at what's going on within you. Think of it as an archaeological dig. Find burried thingies down there, carefully -- don't damage them! Dust them off with care and compassion and curiosity and patience. Then examine the mysterious thingies until you know them well.
Well said JRM, this is what I was trying to elude to.... time for a good dig, we so seldom make time for this in our lives. You have just been given this time. I can tell you, the change in my husband is remarkable. He was given a gift in a way. and therefore so was I in the form of my pride and continued respect and admiration for his spirit and ability to better himself on his own terms.
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  #13  
Old 11-15-2009, 09:28 PM
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redsirenn redsirenn is offline
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Default Envy vs. Jealousy

It's funny. I have spent alot of time thinking about Ouroboros and other women, trying to wrap my head around what I am feeling and why, and I recently had an interesting dichotomy of feelings.

Sometimes, I am envious of him. In my mind, I am happy for him, but sad that I cannot participate... that I don't have the same fun... I feel left out. But, at the same time, It puts a smile on my face to think that he is having a good time.

Others - I am jealous and angry. Particularly, this occurs when I think about him with the woman he broke previous relationship boundaries with. This makes me wonder if I will ever be able to be ok with him seeing her.

Any thoughts?
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  #14  
Old 11-15-2009, 11:00 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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I think it's entirely up to you when and if you feel okay about his seeing other women and especially the one that he broke boundaries with.

At some point I believe that your opinion and feelings will change one way or the other. Either you will be sure that you can't handle him seeing others or you won't and will have to act in accordance to your own health in the matter.

Good for you in your mulling it over and over... that is the only way to get to an end result and a sense of security. I hope that you act out of your own comfort eventually and in everyone's best interest.
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  #15  
Old 11-16-2009, 05:19 AM
Manno Manno is offline
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Default Mac:

I'm really understanding your situation as it was really the only thing I was worried about after we decided to romantically pursue other people.

I'm in Eugene, and I'm finding a lot of people around me are very keen on what is going on in my wife and I's relationship as we are kind of immersing ourselves into the Eugene culture here and open about our relationship. Most realize that we're doing something right because it is easy to spot how real our happiness is.

I don't know about anywhere else in the state, but it seems like Eugene has a lot of people who are welcome to the mindset. There is even a few authors of Polyamory books published from here. Portland, from what I've sniffed around online, is supposed to have an active local polyforum like this one out there if you search for it.

Best of luck and stick around and keep us posted.
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  #16  
Old 11-16-2009, 05:33 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Originally Posted by redsirenn View Post

Others - I am jealous and angry. Particularly, this occurs when I think about him with the woman he broke previous relationship boundaries with. This makes me wonder if I will ever be able to be ok with him seeing her.

Any thoughts?
I am surprised by how many people knowingly pursue partners that are surrounded by hurt for others in their lives. I'm guessing it must be because in being poly you care about multiple people more deeply and therefore will not turn away from someone even though it hurts another person you love. I guess it could also be viewed as selfishness or lack of concern for the hurting person.

If I know my being around someone will cause Redpepper any degree of discomfort I simply don't see them. This came up not that long ago where a friend of mine came out for a few weeks but due to a short lived history 5 years ago involving a short and very one sided infatuation/affair situation, I did not see her. I simply couldn't make the woman I love and plan on building a future with feel even a little threatened or uncomfortable for the sake of a long distance friendship. Redpepper is here and now, real and in the moment....I don't work that way with friends or ex lovers.

If I need to I can flip a switch on most people in my life. One minute here, next they are gone.....hmmm maybe I should explore that some more for myself.

I know most others do not work this way however....I think this is called a tangent!
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  #17  
Old 11-17-2009, 04:00 AM
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Derbylicious Derbylicious is offline
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Hey Macbeth, meeting people through the computer isn't for everyone. It's not my favourite way to meet people. I'd rather develop a real connection with someone in my real life and see where it goes from there.

I prefer to look at myself as being open to possiblities rather than actively looking. We all develop relationships at different rates and are more comfortable in some situations than others.

I agree with finding poly friendly groups in your area. The more people you meet the more likely it is that you will make that conncetion.

-Derby
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  #18  
Old 11-20-2009, 02:23 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Bide your time. Learn about you. Grow with your wife. Keep your eyes out.

Good luck.
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  #19  
Old 11-20-2009, 03:50 AM
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maca maca is offline
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I can honestly say I know exactly what you are going through Macbeth.I have been checking out the net looking around. But to be honest I have just recently decided to just hang back and let things happen TO me and not try and make things happen FOR me. That being said I have now meet two different possibilities. But friends first Im NOT jumping into anything with my eyes closed.


Take your time and build yourself into the best and happiest man you can be and remember to have fun with it. Life is to dam short to waste even a minute of it.


Peace and Love
Maca
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  #20  
Old 11-22-2009, 01:03 AM
CountryGal CountryGal is offline
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It's funny, because I'm looking at all of you guys and thinking "Well, at least you're going into this with partners who support you"

I don't have anyone to date at the moment and no partner to support me in my journey. So there's where my envy lies.
I can totally relate!
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