Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 01-31-2009, 05:34 AM
hopefuldrew hopefuldrew is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 9
Default Hello

Hello Everyone!

I am Drew, 45, married and straight, and live in the northeast USA. I have recently found out the hard way that I am poly. I fell in love with my good friend. Oh boy! It was the real thing… But I did not know anything about “poly” until after the fact. Oops!!! And so because I was raised a boy scout with Cinderella-monogamy-forever stories fluttering around in my naïve dopey head, and I very much also and still loved my wife, well, I was very confused and a pitiful mess. My coping skills and behaviors became that of a 14 year old. I became the jerk-cheater. I pretty much fucked everything up.

We are healing now after I really hurt and then almost lost my wife (and kids). I did lose my friend and I miss her. I am more than humbled, amongst many other things. But it all sticks with me and nags at me, this new “knowing” of what love and relationships are and/or can be. I have been reading a whoopin’ lot of poly books, and to think I thought I knew everything! The “be open and honest” rule… that should be part of high school health class, and then revisited every time one enters into a relationship… it is a very good rule.

So I am hear for good conversation with people who I don’t have to explain myself to in regards to loving two. It was a relief the other night when I first found this site and read some of your intros and exchanges, a real breath of fresh air. I hope to learn from you all and be supportive too.

There you go!
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 02-07-2009, 04:12 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,186
Default

Yeah, dumping the toxic monogamy myths from one's psyche can take a bit of doing. I wasn't ever entirely comfortable with them, and think it only the constant pounding from all sides that kept me trying to live with them. I was not only a boy scout, but reared in a fundamentalist church!

I think it safe to say that I'm quite happy to be free of those situations as an adult.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 02-15-2009, 04:08 PM
Dysnomia Dysnomia is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 3
Default

My husband just discovered that he is poly. I am not. We have no children and I don't want to lose him, but I don't know how to try to live with this. Is there someone I can talk to? I love him and am willing to do anything to make our relationship work.

Please help me.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03-22-2010, 10:59 PM
idealist's Avatar
idealist idealist is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Deep South
Posts: 542
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnalTone
Yeah, dumping the toxic monogamy myths from one's psyche can take a bit of doing. I wasn't ever entirely comfortable with them, and think it only the constant pounding from all sides that kept me trying to live with them.

Very well said!!

Last edited by NeonKaos; 03-22-2010 at 11:08 PM. Reason: quote formatting
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03-22-2010, 11:15 PM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dysnomia View Post
My husband just discovered that he is poly. I am not. We have no children and I don't want to lose him, but I don't know how to try to live with this. Is there someone I can talk to? I love him and am willing to do anything to make our relationship work.

Please help me.
Feel free to PM me I'm no great sage but I'm not poly either so I can try to help from that perspective. If I can't I'll simply be honest and tell you it's too much for me
Take care
Mono
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 03-24-2010, 03:17 PM
foxflame88's Avatar
foxflame88 foxflame88 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Birmingham, AL, USA
Posts: 582
Default

Welcome to the group, Drew.
__________________
Alli
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get between the right man and the right woman. ~Woody Allen
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 05:08 PM.