Does size matter?

[ViableAlternative]

Date people, not penises.

Dating penises is just casual sex. I'm all in favor of casual sex. In fact, penis size might be a reasonable thing to consider in a casual sex partner. After all, your goal is sex; might as well aim for what you want to fuck.

But a relationship? A romantic partner? Seriously? What kind of person dates based on "Your cock must be between X and Y centimeters long in order to go out to dinner together"? An awfully damn shallow person, if you ask me. I really can't believe that your wife would seriously use dick size as a consideration for whether or not she should have a relationship with someone. IF a bigger dick affected her enjoyment of sex with you (which I rather doubt it would), would it not be better to just not fuck the guy than to stop dating him because of his penis measurements? Would you stop dating a girl if her breasts were a centimeter too large or small? People fall in love with people, not dicks or boobs. And if all you want is a dick or a pair of boobs, at least be honest, and don't claim to have a relationship (or end a relationship) based solely on a body part.

A penis isn't a romantic partner, it's a fuckable body part. Be careful not to confuse the two.

[polybi34]

Thank you to everyone who answered my post with a loving and helpful attitude. I will take into account everything. Like I said, I'm a newbie to this lifestyle and I appreciate all your experience and wisdom that you can share with me to help make this the most wonderful time of our lives.

To all the smart-aleck responses, all the haters, all the incredibly judgmental responses I've received: I'm disappointed. I thought the poly community was more loving than that. But hey it's the internet, I guess, so what do I expect.

[AnnabelMore]

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore

Now I'm thinking about it more and I'm just curious as to how choosing her lovers based on size would even work. Would she ask up front, would she only get involved with men who wanted to be sexual right away so that she could get a peek in their pants before deciding whether to pursue a relationship, or would she go on enough dates to get to the point where a relationship was forming and they both wanted to be sexual because the time seemed right and then dump the dude if he was too large?

Originally Posted by polybi34

To all the smart-aleck responses, all the haters, all the incredibly judgmental responses I've received: I'm disappointed. I thought the poly community was more loving than that. But hey it's the internet, I guess, so what do I expect.

I'm not going to necessarily assume that you're speaking to me, but in case you found my question offensive, although I wrote it in a flippant manner I was also sincerely curious and couldn't picture any way other than the three I described to accomplish what you were suggesting. I remain curious as to how it would work in practice -- surely there's nothing wrong with asking that?

As for other responses that may have taken a harsh tone towards the very idea, I don't think anyone was trying to be malicious, it seemed to me like they just had strong feelings that it would be a problematic and unfair thing to try to do.

[redpepper]

Originally Posted by polybi34

To all the smart-aleck responses, all the haters, all the incredibly judgmental responses I've received: I'm disappointed. I thought the poly community was more loving than that. But hey it's the internet, I guess, so what do I expect.

(now everyone is wondering what they said and how it could be seen as the things you have pointed out here). If you want support and opinions I would suggest NOT writing these kinds of things and taking what people say with a grain of salt. Writing that people are haters is a show stopper that makes people shrug and say "whatever" and move on.

Maybe look at why you reacted in this way? Forums are for open discussion beyond what the OP has asked or said. I know its hard not to take it personally, but its a writing style when people "speak" a certain way about people on a public forum. Its kind of like they don't realize you are real. It can be a really useful tool to understand what you are not hearing from friends and those around you. People in real life are not going to say what people on a forum say because they have empathy for you and know you. On a forum people don't know you and can offer an insight that I think is invaluable when one manages to push past feeling judged and see what they have written in the larger perspective; more holistically. Good luck with that if you choose to put to use anything of what I have just said.

[nycindie]

There were a few glib answers, and some couldn't quite believe the question, while others expressed distaste for the topic, but no haters.

Seriously, though, maybe you can do a little reading up on a woman's anatomy. Big dicks don't really stretch a vagina out. That's a myth and I always wonder how anyone can still believe that.

As Magdlyn said in another thread:

Originally Posted by Magdlyn

Womens' vaginas are made to expand and contract to accommodate anything from a finger/tampon to a 10 pound baby. I've had plenty of sex with multiple partners in the same week, from a thick 8 or 9 incher down to a medium thickness 4 1/2 incher... with no difference in my vagina being able to expand or contract to envelope either size penis comfortably and erotically.

Vaginas don't "stretch." If they did, my 10'2" firstborn would've made it impossible for me to keep a tampon in post-pregnancy! I find frequent sex/masturbation keeps my vaginal muscles so toned, I don't need to do Kegels. I can get tight enough when I cum to pull a condom right off! I need to be careful sometimes, heh.

If a smaller dick doesn't satisfy me, it has nothing to do with me having been fucked by a bigger one a day or two beforehand. It has nothing to do with anything having been "done to me," but just about how I am built. I need a big one with some girth, end of story. Otherwise I can't feel it, because I am pretty deep and can accommodate a pretty large dick. So, if you are satisfying your wife now, I wouldn't worry about it if she has a lover who is bigger.

The questions remains, however, how your wife would go about choosing lovers according to size? Logistically, she would have to try one first, before rejecting or accepting. But it does reduce the choice of having lovers down to just sex, and that is not the focus nor point of polyamory. Or are you just looking for sexual partners with no emotional involvement? If so, polyamory is probably not for you.

[idealist]

Hahahaha......Okay everybody.....basically all she has to do is ask the prospective "partner" to send a photo of his dick and if he won't, he doesn't get a date...period. She could probably even say- hold a Coke can up to it in the photo, so I can determine the scale. A lot of guys will do it! I'm willing to bet money that I could get at least 6 photos from people I've never met- of dicks with Coke Cans within a week. Now- is the guy that will do it the type of guy she would actually want to get involved with.

Anyway- on the other part of the topic....*****warning- explicit female sexual details- stop reading now if you are sensitive.******

When I was masterbating in the jucuzi tonight (with my handheld shower massage) I noticed that the more arroused I got, the tighter my vagina got! And right before I had an orgasm, any size little dick could have penitrated me and it wouldn't have mattered how small it was at all.....so my point is that the arrousal is more important to me than the size of the dick.....okay....enough already!!

[nycindie]

Originally Posted by idealist

When I was masterbating in the jucuzi tonight (with my handheld shower massage) I noticed that the more arroused I got, the tighter my vagina got!

Wow, it's so kind and generous of you to come here in the afterglow and post about it ...

That's probably why condoms get pulled off sometimes - pussies get tighter when the heat gets turned up!

Oh, and I bet you're right about the pics of dicks and Coke cans, LOL.

[MichelleZed]

If you look at the statistics, about 85% of penises are within an inch and a half of each other. The moral of the story? Most penises are pretty comparable.

Your problem is unlikely to come up.

Of course, different penises feel different, not just in there size, shape, or angle. Most men have different thrusting styles.

[redpepper]

Yes, thank you Idealist. liking that visual. I completely concure. Those babies can puff up to a ripe ol' size. Sometimes a smaller cock is titilating in a spendid way.

[dragonflysky]

I had a guy I met through an online dating site. We lived in different states so wouldn't be meeting in person any time soon. He asked me about my bra/cup size fairly early on. (Now mind you....I had two full body shot photos with my profile...so he had some idea of my shape/size) I'm not embarrassed talking about my bra size, but was rather taken aback as to why it was so important for him to know. So....I asked him about the length and circumference of his penis, flaccid and erect....just to see how he liked such a blatant question early on. At first he was kind of shocked that I would ask that. Next thing I knew, however, he had measured himself in a flaccid and an erect state and proceeded to share the results! So......I agree....there are some men who wouldn't mind doing this. And if it's that important to you and your wife I would guess someone would rather know that upfront than start to develop a relationship only to find out they're no longer acceptable due to the size of their "tool"!

Would you....in turn...be willing to share your measurements with another guy if he asked due to similar concerns on his part about satisfying your wife after she'd been with you? And....how would your wife...or any other woman share how "loose" or "tight" their vagina was, aroused and non-aroused, if a guy was concerned about her being tight enough after either had been with another poly partner??? Just saying............