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  #231  
Old 01-17-2012, 09:23 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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I think there's a lot of truth in that.

We let things slide until we can't. And then, usually (for me anyhow) there's an eruption of everything that has been bothering me.

So it makes sense that when two people break up that it would happen as well.

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  #232  
Old 01-18-2012, 05:00 AM
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I have had many break-ups in my lifetime, having been single until I was 39. But I can honestly say that not every break-up sucked or even went sour, for that matter. I've had some great break-ups, in fact. In those cases, we talked and came to a mutual decision, and it was sad but not a mess. Sometimes all that stuff that builds up just fades away, and isn't important anymore. It is possible to move on without lots of drama, pain, and grief.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #233  
Old 01-20-2012, 04:01 AM
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I'm feeling helpless. RP is going through a breakup and there's really nothing I can do to make it better. There's no instuction book on how to make it easier. It sucks and my heart hurts for her.
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  #234  
Old 01-20-2012, 04:04 AM
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*hugs*
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  #235  
Old 01-20-2012, 04:18 AM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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*hugs*
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  #236  
Old 01-20-2012, 06:54 AM
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Its okay sweets. You are doing great at being supportive and understanding. All of you are. I just need time to my self and to freak out a bit. Be glad you don't live with me I'm not that nice a person to live with right now. I know you are worried and want to help, but really, everything that you are doing is great. I love that you check on me, listen to me and remain stead fast and strong where I cannot right now.
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  #237  
Old 01-20-2012, 07:36 AM
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Nice to have such a supportive metamour for the woman we love
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  #238  
Old 02-07-2012, 04:30 AM
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There seems to be change in the air lately. But it's happening all around me and not to me. It makes me wonder if I should be on alert to it being my turn. People are getting married, people are splitting up, people are having babies and people are coming to the end of their lives. And it all seems to be happening withing the last month.

So here I am with everything being really stable wondering how long the calm can last. I like calm. I like no big life events happening to me. I'm a pretty typical Libra that way. I don't thrive on the drama. Who knows though, maybe it's just because of the calm that I'm more aware of what's going on for other people.

I guess the most difficult thing with all the changes are the mixed emotions a lot of them bring. Internally I'm all over the map. I think at one time things were simple, life events happened (to me or to other people) and I knew how to feel about it. Lately it seems that there isn't an easy emotional answer to anything.

There's a women's retreat coming up that due to timing I can't go to. I really wish I could though because I could use the time away to just be in my head about things for a bit. I can't really do that in my day to day life because my brain power is busy being diverted elsewhere. I know this is all very vague but it's very vague in my head too
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  #239  
Old 04-02-2012, 04:47 PM
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So I haven't written in a really long time on my blog. I read redpeppers latest entry this morning and it got me to thinking that really no one knows what's going on for me. It seems that unless something is really bothering me that I just keep things to myself since I can work it out and it doesn't seem worth bothering others with my stuff, especially when mine seems so minor in comparison.

I do get afraid and angry and jealous just like anyone else. I'm not the best at sharing negative emotions when I'm in the midst of them though because I haven't yet learned how to do it in an appropriate way. I end up saying and doing things that I regret. And then once I've worked through it myself there doesn't seem to be much point in talking about it since whatever inner turmoil I had has been resolved and bringing it up might just cause others distress.

I'm also not the best at coming up with what is going on for me on the spot. As bad as it sounds I'm not that in touch with myself. I know if in general I feel good or I feel like something is off but it takes a lot more thought for me to be able to put my finger on specific emotions and their causes. Hmmm maybe I need to be sent home with homework assignments to write out my feelings . I also have the non-violent communication book in my office. Although I know the principles of non-violent communication I'm not entirely sure that in the heat of the moment I would be able to adhere to that style of communication. I have been known to be quite nasty when I'm upset.

It's not my intention to put up walls, at least not between myself and others. I think that maybe subconsciously I have put up walls between my thinking and feeling self. I'm not entirely sure how to go about changing that.
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  #240  
Old 04-03-2012, 02:46 AM
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I've been in that space myself, just holding things in, until it gets so uncomfortable and hot I burst.

I think you should probably start by being honest, with yourself. If something really does bother you, accept that it bothers you, and write it down. A part of my internal changes have come from accepting that I am, in fact, bothered by certain things. I'm not stoic. I have pretended to be stoic from 6th grade up until age 20. Then I lost my mother. And the dam broke.

No one is safe. I do have a filter but if something needs to be said right away you damn right I'm saying it. Not only that, if you voice what's going on with you, people can know instead of assuming.

And clearly people do want to know. Trust in that.
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