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#1
01-16-2012, 10:16 PM
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How slow can you go
So me and T agreed to start things again, very very slowly.
Right now it's just flirting, touching, and closed mouth kisses. Next is tongue, but she gets to decide when that change is made. After that I dont know where we will go, but I wanted to ask you all... What are the steps of a relationship to you... broken down as far as you can?
__________________
-- For the pursuit of happiness, not the sit around and wait for happiness -Barney (NPH) How I Met Your Mother Jen - bi female John (Juntas)- husband M - John's girlfriend R - My whatever, he is beyond labels at this point currently personally closed to more, well maybe not to M  .
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#2
01-16-2012, 11:13 PM
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I don't think I can itemize it like that.
I can tell you that it took nearly two years for me to feel comfortable enough with Possibility to consider more than a hug or a friendship kiss. Some of this was due to my being new to being actively poly and partly due to a HUGE bump (it would have bottomed out a HumVee) in the road very early on in our 'getting to now you' stage. Late last year we had to take a life-kicking-you-in-the-teeth break for several months and are just now talking about starting things back up. To summarize, I go slower than a snail with relationships. I've been burned too many times to go any faster.
__________________
There are as many ways to do polyamory as there are people practicing it! 
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#3
01-17-2012, 05:38 AM
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Quote:
I had a no kissing thing with Leo. We never got passed that because it ended before we got there.
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#4
01-17-2012, 08:52 PM
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My problem is selfish me wants what we had.
I messed things up though, so her giving even a little bit of a chance means the world to me. Is it crazy that Im jumping for joy to be able to touch her without feeling like Im overstepping some boundary
__________________
-- For the pursuit of happiness, not the sit around and wait for happiness -Barney (NPH) How I Met Your Mother Jen - bi female John (Juntas)- husband M - John's girlfriend R - My whatever, he is beyond labels at this point currently personally closed to more, well maybe not to M .
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#5
01-17-2012, 09:57 PM
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Haha, this is going to make me look so bad
 .Sometime during dates 1-3 with a new person, there will be sex. If it's nice and cool, there will be other sexdates and hanging out. After a month of two, there's a check-in on what exactly is going on, if this is an FWB, dating or girlfriend/boyfriend situation. If it's a bf/gf stuff, it becomes officially a RELATIONSHIP. And that's about it. Not of much help to you, I can imagine  . Is there a backstory to this situation with her that I can read somewhere?
__________________
"Resentment destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stems the root of our spiritual disease." "In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper - list people, institutions and principles with whom you are angry. Ask yourself why you are angry." "In most cases it was found out that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships, including sex, were hurt or threatened. We were sore, burnt-up." Alcoholics Anonymous, 64-65.
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#6
01-18-2012, 12:35 AM
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Quote:
__________________
. Independent solo polyamorist seeking lover-friends willing to invest in friendship, companionship, and love, but without a need for partnership. Never confuse commitment with exclusivity, love with ownership, nor sex with intimacy! For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.
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#7
01-18-2012, 10:35 AM
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I think there's some internal conditioning I have that says jumping in the sack with people you've just met is not a good start for a relationship. Or that going slow is preferable to going fast.
As to you, riftara, I just read through your blog and have to say wow. You have a lot on your plate. Mind if I ask if T IDs as bisexual, i.e. is she interested in women on principle, or just you?
__________________
"Resentment destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stems the root of our spiritual disease." "In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper - list people, institutions and principles with whom you are angry. Ask yourself why you are angry." "In most cases it was found out that our self-esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships, including sex, were hurt or threatened. We were sore, burnt-up." Alcoholics Anonymous, 64-65.
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