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Old 01-15-2012, 05:11 AM
umbraven's Avatar
umbraven umbraven is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Ontario
Posts: 3
Default What is exclusive to Romantic love?

In the absence of monogamy and sexuality, what differentiates romantic love with that of friendship? I want to know what the essential difference between 'love' and 'in love' is.

If I am polyamorous, and I chose to date someone who is also polyamorous. How is that any different then us both being single?

Polyamorous dating seems like just a label. If I am polyamorous, and I chose to date someone who is also polyamorous. How is that any different then us both being single? What defines an "official relationship" as in "we are dating"? Is it just a hierarchal system? I'm dating X so their needs come above my other lover Y (whom I'm not dating.)

This has come up for me recently. I have moved to a new city to live with a man whom I am very much in love with and he loves me. We chose not to use the label of dating.

Before he left for a month long trip, he mentioned how great it was that we're friends and how sex doesn't define our friendship. I agreed.

Then he went on to say that we'll still be friends in the event that he starts dating someone. And although I have some issues with jealousy that I'm sorting out I told him that I'd love him even if he loved another woman as well.

(Very understanding right?)

But then he says, oh, well most women want monogamy so you and I couldn't have sex anymore.


I moved to the middle of nowhere to live with him and we share a bed, and love each other. That's sounds like a relationship to me, with or without labels and restrictions.

But am I totally insane to think that it's disrespectful of him to want to date a girl who won't share?

99% of what I feel for him is friendship, but there's this inexplicable piece that doesn't want to ever lose the physical AND emotional intimacy we have. I think that's called romantic love.

He says that saying I'm in love with him is ridiculous because I can't define it.

He seems to want to date other women his age (30) because he wants kids in 5 years and being 22 I'm not prepared to make any promises about that.

I feel like I'm being used as a placeholder. But intuitively I feel like he loves me and he'd never find a girl as awesome as I am.

But if he just wants to sow his seed then maybe I should go back to my city.

thoughts? suggestions?
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friendship, romantic love

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