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  #51  
Old 01-10-2012, 10:20 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsPOd View Post
...my gf doesn't seem entirely happy with the way that our bf treats her. Her communication skills have never been her strongest suit...
All the more reason methinks you should not give up on this issue.

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Originally Posted by MrsPOd View Post
...My bf's marriage is not overly-strong. It isn't comparable to our own marriage but it really is on its death throes and has been for a few years now.
I'm wondering if this part of the reason why their marriage is on the rocks.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsPOd View Post
Bf does occasionally go against the boundaries that he and his wife have set up.
I assume you mean D/s boundaries, not poly boundaries?

How is your relationship with her? I assume you are not a triad but rather you are dating them both separately?
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  #52  
Old 01-11-2012, 06:27 PM
MrsPOd MrsPOd is offline
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"Are you comfortable being with someone who you think may be abusing his other partner?"

No.

"MrsPOd, this may simply be the result of reading your input on a message board instead of hearing you say things in person, but you seem rather unemotional and almost apathetic in your responses to your husband's threads. "

I find it hard to convey emotion in typed-up form. I don't think I'm depressed but this is a very sad situation to be in. I feel the same as Kinda. It's wearing me out.

"I'm having a hard time understanding the issues at hand as well."

We're both worried that my gf is being emotionally abused.

"I assume you mean D/s boundaries, not poly boundaries?

How is your relationship with her? I assume you are not a triad but rather you are dating them both separately?"

Both D/s and poly boundaries. The reason that my husband brought up cuckqueaning was because there were times (during threesomes that she watched) where I felt that my gf wasn't entirely happy about what she was seeing. Because I could never get her to open up, I assumed that this was part of their play (that's what my bf told me).

I'm dating them both separately.

"Can we get some examples?"

I'll give an example so that you get some idea.

Bf is insulting and physically dominating at home and she likes this. Bf is insulting and physically dominating around my husband and she doesn't like this. He does it anyway.
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  #53  
Old 01-11-2012, 06:46 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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MrsPOd,

I really hope both you and your husband find some of the responses helpful. If there is even one gem in all the advice, it will be worth it.

I know all the questions probably get tiresome, but the situation you are in, seems to have that 'Onions-therefore lots of layers' quality.

Hang in there, ....both of you.
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  #54  
Old 01-12-2012, 02:08 PM
MrsPOd MrsPOd is offline
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"Hang in there, ....both of you."

Thank you.
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  #55  
Old 01-12-2012, 04:22 PM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsPOd View Post
I'll give an example so that you get some idea.

Bf is insulting and physically dominating at home and she likes this. Bf is insulting and physically dominating around my husband and she doesn't like this. He does it anyway.
Yep, not only do I agree with another poster that this is akin to having sex in front of other people who have not agreed to watch, it is also happening against her will and hence is not okay. Has Kinda told them that he does not wish to wittness them interacting that way?
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  #56  
Old 01-13-2012, 05:31 PM
MrsPOd MrsPOd is offline
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"Has Kinda told them that he does not wish to wittness them interacting that way? "

No.

What he has told me is that he is only concerned with my gf's welfare. He isn't bothered with BDSM play if it's on a healthy level and neither am I.

Is anyone here surprised to learn that my husband doesn't get along with my paramours and vice versa?
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  #57  
Old 01-14-2012, 10:59 AM
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SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappiestManAlive View Post
I've seen BDSM relationships work because one party was flat out abusive - and the other party liked it enough that it didn't matter. In an instance like this, the narcisist/codependant dynamic can function. :shrug:
It does matter.

Abuse is never ok.

Abuse in a BDSM relationship is no more acceptable than abuse in a vanilla relationship. Possibly even less so because of the way abusive people can take advantage of the submissive's predisposition and ignorance to make them think the abuse is something that every submissive has to endure in order to get the gratification they crave.

If it's abuse and not negotiated play, then it's not the thing that the submissive partner likes. It's a variation of "No one else will have you, so even though I'm abusive, you can't leave me or else you'll be alone."

Now if it is part of their play, I have mixed feelings about asking them not to do it in front of me. On the one hand, it's fine to tell your friends if they do something that makes you uncomfortable. But from there, it's the friend's decision whether to respect your boundaries or not.

For many people, the thrill of doing it in public, of role playing the abuser-abused relationship in front of strangers, is exactly what makes it so exciting. Is it something I want to see? Not particularly. Is it something I want kids to see? Hellz no. But there's no law against it, and it's a slippery slope deciding how much you limit people's freedom. Maybe he really hates that red shirt you wear, but does that mean he has the right to tell you not to wear that shirt around him?
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