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  #1  
Old 01-14-2012, 02:38 AM
PolyWife1987 PolyWife1987 is offline
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Default Sex the final frontier...

So boyfriend and I are ready for sex (WEEEE) but since my husband I have not really transitioned out of datingish relationship status to a sexual one. Honestly, I slept with my husband the first night and didn't start dating him until the next day so I have never needed to transition. Even though boyfriend said he was a virgin he got tested for STI's per guidelines and I got tested on Tuesday and should have the results the week of the 23rd.

They have already met (boyfriend and spouse) and we are having an MLK day BBQ/study party where he will meet spouses girlfriend. So hopefully this all continues to go well but it will be interesting to see how having all four of us together on Monday goes. <3

On a related note what are your relationship guidelines from your Primary partner (assuming you have one). Ours currently is everyone gets tested and after results once they are (the two involved) ready for sex then everyone sits down for a dinner or get together to make sure everyone is on the same page still. Then stuff happens all natural like (it doesn't have to be supervised or ok'd at that point).
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Old 01-14-2012, 03:00 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Hello and welcome.

Sorry but I am confused. Are you saying that you just started to get to know your husband after you married him in a more romantic/physical way? If so, did you wait on purpose for the wedding night? Will your boyfriend do so as well? But why would he want sex with you if he has got a girlfriend himself and isn't married? Or are they already? But he can't be a virgin any more if that would be the case ... How long do you know each other?

As you may notice, I seriously don't get your story at all at the moment. Maybe I am slow on the uptake here, but this doesn't make much sense to me at the moment.
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  #3  
Old 01-14-2012, 03:20 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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The way I read it:
- PolyWife slept with now-husband on the "first date" or whatever, and didn't start a relationship until sex had already happened. So she hasn't had the "dating relationship that THEN transitions to being sexually involved" experience.
- Boyfriend has met husband. On Monday, boyfriend will meet husband's girlfriend. It will be the first time all 4 of them have hung out.

Oh, and as far as our guidelines/boundaries go:
My husband and I have been OPP for our entire relationship for a variety of reasons, and that was 99% fine with me, since it's the choice I would have made anyway in most situations. That has now changed due to the relationship that developed between TGIB and me (squee!). There has been no "everyone sit down at the table" conversation though. Monochrome and I discussed what was pertinent to our relationship, and TGIB and I discussed what was pertinent to our relationship. I presented points of view from the other party as necessary but I REALLY can't see them talking to each other about having sex with me. Just thinking about it is making me giggle, actually. Neither one of them even wants to know any details about my sex life with the other. They both know it happens (or will happen) and are happy that I'm happy, and that's enough. The End.
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Last edited by ThatGirlInGray; 01-14-2012 at 03:29 AM.
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  #4  
Old 01-14-2012, 03:24 AM
PolyWife1987 PolyWife1987 is offline
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Sorry apparently too excited about life right now.

No husband and I have been married for several years now and dated for a year prior to that. I had a one night stand with my husband and never left. I guess that would have been more clear.

So essentially I have never really dated anyone I hadn't had sex with prior to my current boyfriend.
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Old 01-14-2012, 03:25 AM
PolyWife1987 PolyWife1987 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThatGirlInGray View Post
The way I read it:
- PolyWife slept with now-husband on the "first date" or whatever, and didn't start a relationship until sex had already happened. So she hasn't had the "dating relationship that THEN transitions to being sexually involved" experience.
- Boyfriend has met husband. On Monday, boyfriend will meet husband's girlfriend. It will be the first time all 4 of them have hung out.
Yes
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  #6  
Old 01-14-2012, 04:02 AM
ViableAlternative ViableAlternative is offline
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My guidelines are more for myself than for other partners.

I use condoms with ALL of my partners. This, for me, is non-negotiable.

If I start a sexual relationship with a new partner, either casual or romantic, I let any/all existing partners know at the earliest possible conveniance, be that before or after the fact.

I do not have casual sex with people that I believe are not emotionally or mentally stable (untreated severe depression, for an example), or other cases that could cause angst, hurt, or drama, if avoidable.

As for my partner(s), I expect them to keep me aware of any change in risk factors - if they have sex with a new partner, fluid bond with a partner, etc.

I would appreciate my "primary" partner letting me know about dates or potential dates at the earliest conveniance (before or after the fact). I don't know that I "require" it, per se, but I can't even begin to imagine my "primary" partner NOT telling me about a date, so it's really a moot point.

If a partner causes me an inordinate amount of drama, I will not continue to date them. For example, if the partner starts dating someone who is cheating on their partner(s), I would remove myself from the equation. After all, I can't/won't control who my partner(s) date; I can only control my level of involvement.
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  #7  
Old 01-14-2012, 05:13 AM
PolyWife1987 PolyWife1987 is offline
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Thanks! Condoms are a must for us too.
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  #8  
Old 01-14-2012, 11:56 AM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Ours is "Call if you are going to stay over". Just so there's no massive waiting-around-and-keeping-the-food-warm -frustrations.

And condoms, yes.

Vanilla added that we should keep each other informed on what's happening, like any prospective dates coming up etc. That's really no biggie, since I tell her about even very small incidents in my daily life, like witnessing something funny in a bus on the way home, so I can't really see a reason to keep major relationship developments under wraps.
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Last edited by BlackUnicorn; 01-14-2012 at 12:00 PM.
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  #9  
Old 01-15-2012, 06:08 PM
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Yay for all the safe sex going on in this thread!
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  #10  
Old 01-15-2012, 09:25 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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Hmm, as far as sex is concerned. Runic Wolf doesn't have any guidelines for me. When our relationship started, Wendigo and Pretty Lady had not had sex with anyone outside their relationship in 13 years, so we have never used condoms. Pregnancy was never a concern and we were all safe. Runic Wolf is the only one of us interested in persuing outside relationships and we all expect that he will use condoms if he ever has sex with anyone else, but so far it hasn't come up.
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