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Old 01-13-2012, 04:33 PM
newguy newguy is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 49
Default What if i never can change...

Hello all,

I already posted (or tried to post) this to one of Polykat’s post but I’m restarting here to get a fresh start. It was in response to MonoVCPHG’s post post….

I’m Polykat’s finace’…I read your suggested posts on your feelings but what made me comment at this time (first time commenting on her post) was the statement that you made, “You need to look out for yourself by not committing to a monogamous marriage if you can't be healthy as well.”

I agree!! In fact, every since she informed me of her desires I told her that I may not be the man for her…I also told her (and still believe) that I may never be able to be in this type of relationship. I told her that I think it’s best for her to move on without me…because I feel that although she is happy with me, she will never have complete happiness because of her feelings towards this lifestyle.

She has assured me that she is happy with what we have (for now) and that she would like me to “evolve” past my mono mind set and that she will stay with me even if this does not happen.

My minds said leave her now!!! It will hurt (a lot) but it will be better for the both of us! My hearts said stay and love her until 1) you “evolve” or 2) SHE leaves you. Now I can’t say for certain but I don’t see myself evolving and she says that she will never leave me…not even for complete happiness! During our discussions, she informed me that she wouldn’t move forward (sleep with or start a poly relationship with another man) without my blessing and if I decide to never give my blessing she will still be happy…I take that to mean that she won’t be completely happy.

My thoughts…from what I have researched on this matter, poly people are not nor could they ever be completely happy living a mono life. I was told that it’s like suppressing your true self and your true feelings. And I feel, like the people that have suppressed their feelings will eventually give into them! I also feel that she (Polykat) will eventually will give into her feelings and give me the ultimatum of being in a poly/mono relationship or no relationship at all. Even though she has said numerous of times that this would never happen, I’m preparing myself for (what I think is) the inevitable. At this point, I’m just trying to get all the love I can for as long as I can!!!

So…my questions to you MonoVCPHG (and all) are:

1. Can a poly suppressed their feeling and desires forever and should they even try?

2. Am I wrong for denying her complete happiness knowing (or feeling) that it would destroy mine?

3. (Most importantly) Should we get married knowing that I probably will never change my view on this matter?

Thanks for reading and responding.

WR,

NG
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