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Old 01-12-2012, 04:28 PM
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Default I would like others ideas (MMM)

So here it is, background on the situation... I am in a relationship with two other men who i do love dearly and we are moving toward combining households. However, i am slightly uncomfortable as i will be moving into their home and giving up mine. Also, i am the "thrid" to this relationship as both of them have been together for quite some time, ( They have not attempted anything like this in the past and niter have ) so i wonder if it will turn out to be 2 v 1 in the future if something was to go wrong. All of this has been shared with the other two and they both attempt to reassure me that everything will be ok, but lets be honest, no one can guarantee three people will be able to live under the same household without wanting to kill one another.

Other variables:

Varied work schedules - i get up around 5 am each day and put in 60+ hours and do have to travel and be away for extend periods of time. I also attend school (Working on Masters). While one can work from home on most days and the other has a set work schedule that does not change.

They have 2 dogs i have 2 - My dogs free roam all day, theirs do not.

There is a slight age variation - they are both + 15 years

There are lifestyle differences we have worked through and they both have changed a lot just to accommodate me ( Animals no longer on furniture, in the bed) , moving rooms around so i can fit in ( office space is a requirement for me as i do work at home and homework), purchasing items i am prefer even when i am not there ( Laundry soap, cleaners, just odd stuff that others may view as not important, but are to me)

So... i am just looking for insight at what others have done... How long did you wait to move in and combine households.. Things to stay away from, things that will bring us closer.
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Old 01-12-2012, 11:05 PM
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How long have you all been in relationship with each other? Will they share a bedroom and you take another bedroom, or will everyone have their own room, or will everyone all sleep together?

Do your dogs get along with theirs?
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Old 01-12-2012, 11:23 PM
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We will all share one bedroom and one bed... that is the idea... we are a triad.... there will be 3 in one relationship with out not side dating and what have you....

As for the dogs.. we are slowly working on that introduction

We have not been together all that long..a few months
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Old 01-12-2012, 11:36 PM
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I think most people will caution to ever move in with anybody before a year or so if possible.

I might try spending two weeks sleeping there nightly, attempting to get to bed at a reasonable hour while getting up at 5 am for work all during the work week. That alone should give you a handle on if living together would even be feasible. One bed, that could be a real struggle, and if there isn't another room that could be used (and that you'd be OK using) if your sleep schedule interrupts them/vice versa - it's probably better to know sooner or later if it'll be a problem.
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Old 01-12-2012, 11:42 PM
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Ahh, well, that's not much time at all. I would be more cautious if I were you.

Generally most people find that moving in together is something that people should wait quite a bit longer to do. You are still getting to know each other, and likely you are all caught up in NRE (New Relationship Energy), which is basically a hormone-infused euphoria. When the buzz subsides is when the real meaty work of a relationship happens because we stop seeing the objects of our love through those rose-colored glasses, and sometimes it ain't pretty.

So, to be all living together, sharing a bed, uprooting your life, routine, and animals to give up your own place, before the relationship among all of you has really been tested for a good amount of time can be dangerous and an invitation to drama. I think it would also be good to have an extra room for those times when you or someone needs some solitude.

Think of it like any big change in your life - if you give the relationship at least a year before moving in, at least then you know that you got through every holiday, birthday, season, and significant event together. Is there any reason why you are doing this so soon? Can't you slow things down some?
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Old 01-12-2012, 11:44 PM
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We have done a weekend thing and i think we have figured out the where everyone will sleep in the bed where they can get sleep. There is a guest bedroom that if i needed to use i would and would have no problem doing so. My rule for life is usually not earlier than one year and the soonest we would be able to move would be close to a year.


As for spending 2 weeks there it is not feasible at this time due to other reasons.
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Old 01-12-2012, 11:49 PM
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There is nothing that is pushing the 3 of us to co-habate any earlier than i would see fit.

A little more back story ... one of the partners i have known since about june last year and i have known of the other since then also... It was not until about 3 months that we started down this path.... I understand the concern of the NRE... but i honestly think it is over but could very well be wrong...

Aside from the waiting for a year suggestion is there any other signs / information that you could share... Pitfalls, complications and so on?

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Ahh, well, that's not much time at all. I would be more cautious if I were you.

Generally most people find that moving in together is something that people should wait quite a bit longer to do. You are still getting to know each other, and likely you are all caught up in NRE (New Relationship Energy), which is basically a hormone-infused euphoria. When the buzz subsides is when the real meaty work of a relationship happens because we stop seeing the objects of our love through those rose-colored glasses, and sometimes it ain't pretty.

So, to be all living together, sharing a bed, uprooting your life, routine, and animals to give up your own place, before the relationship among all of you has really been tested for a good amount of time can be dangerous and an invitation to drama. I think it would also be good to have an extra room for those times when you or someone needs some solitude.

Think of it like any big change in your life - if you give the relationship at least a year before moving in, at least then you know that you got through every holiday, birthday, season, and significant event together. Is there any reason why you are doing this so soon? Can't you slow things down some?
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Old 01-12-2012, 11:50 PM
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Oh, okay, so you've only been together a few months but won't be moving in until you're almost at a year? Okay, that sounds more sensible.

I will defer to others who cohabit with their partners to offer advice on what to look out for and how to prepare, since I live alone and have no desire to live with anyone.

There is a big thread here on living with multiple partners, which was started by member MonoVCPHG, who would also be a good person to ask for input. Here's the link: Multi-partner co-habitation
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Old 01-13-2012, 01:25 PM
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Having just survived and come out partially scathed from a all-male triad that destructed like a nuclear explosion, I urge some caution. I like what one person said about doing a trial run. Basically move in for a short time...a few weeks, a month, whatever, but not give up your lease on your own place untill you know it's going to work well. Gay men can be more pig-headed than they let on at first, IMO, and you want to make sure there aren't these types of issues that just haven't come up before. Pay very close attention to the personality dynamics and how everyone meshes with each other. I've joked (though seriously) that in any group of three men, if more than one has "alpha-male" tendencies (and I'm not talking sexual), then you're gonna see heads butt like a group of irritable rams.
Personally, I wish you the best luck in this endeavour...I know another mmm triad in my town that seem to be doing great. But they are playing it more cautious---after a year, one still hasn't moved in full-time just yet. There seems to be no rush and I think it's helping them get acclimated to everything first.
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Old 01-14-2012, 02:53 AM
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Thank you all for the input... i appreciate it all and anyone else who is willing to share
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