Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 01-12-2012, 05:34 PM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,233
Default

One way to think of it -- every person who posts bumps the thread to the top of the list and increases the chances that your target audience will see it.

Omg, Sward and Lin are so adorable!!

I may ask my mono bf about this at some point, but I know it's far from his favorite topic so I wanna leave it be for now. I know that for him it helped that I was willing to hold off while he processed the idea, that in the end it came down to saying "as long as it's not negatively affecting out relationship it's ok", and that he wants to know and feel comfortable with any man I might wanna get involved with (or any woman, of course, but it's harder for him with men so I think it would be all the more crucial with another man).
__________________
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 01-12-2012, 05:43 PM
PolyKat PolyKat is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 38
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phy View Post
Aren't I good at taking minutes? Well, maybe this helps to satisfy your curiosity.
Phy.. VERY much impressed!!! And some great insight to work with. My fiance is such an Alpha male, so I'm sure it'll be that much more difficult.

Annabel.. Yes, I think Sward and Lin are adorable as well.. that was a great read! I'm glad your situation worked itself out and I understand the "leave it be for now".
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 01-12-2012, 06:08 PM
Phy's Avatar
Phy Phy is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 604
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post

Omg, Sward and Lin are so adorable!!
Aren't they? It's so great to see them interact in such harmony.
__________________
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

My Blog
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 01-12-2012, 06:58 PM
Atri Atri is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 6
Default

I know you're keeping the thread focused on one particular question, but it got me thinking about one I've been mulling over for a while and it seemed to fit.

Why do some mono guys see no threat in their female partner dating another woman as well?

One conclusion I've come to is that men feel no sexual threat from women... like there is no competition, which sort of makes me smirk. But that's being filtered through my lady-like b.s. filter, I'd like to hear from men that really aren't put-off by their girlfriend dating another woman!
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 01-12-2012, 07:12 PM
Phy's Avatar
Phy Phy is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 604
Default

It would be all the same for my men. Me loving another person, female or male, would restrain the time I would have to offer greatly; none of them wants that to happen at the moment. It's all new for us still, maybe that is the main point in our case, but I don't think that it would make a huge difference if there would be a new woman in my life over a man along the way later on. It would always be a competion for time.

And I think they are right. A new love is a new love, regardless of the gender. In the mono-poly-plus-fidelity-case this means: Don't you dare push it beyond repair and my capacity to process things ^.^
__________________
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

My Blog
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 01-12-2012, 07:28 PM
Atri Atri is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 6
Default

Haha, I definitely agree Phy, I was just wondering for the people that have experienced that.

My gf's partner doesn't care if she dates me, but would not let her be poly with other men. I haven't discussed this with him as our friendship is still relatively young as well, but I'm wondering if any experienced men have had these stipulations and why?
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 01-12-2012, 08:34 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552
Default

Atri, the Bi Assumptions thread got around to that topic just yesterday. I'm pretty sure many others have as well.

PolyKat, I'll ask hubby to look at this when he's home from work tonight.
__________________
~~~~~~~~~
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 01-12-2012, 09:28 PM
PolyKat PolyKat is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 38
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Atri View Post
Why do some mono guys see no threat in their female partner dating another woman as well?
Well, from what Phy's men were saying, it goes towards the two of them being told and recognizing that they both bring something new to the table. My fiance can't yet look at the poly lifestyle beyond the sex (swinging) and therefore, he and another man are bringing the exact same thing to the table (the sausage).. then I think he goes to thinking, what if that guy has a bigger sausage and so I like him better? Not realizing that bigger is different.. not better or worse.. just different.

So (honey, if and when u read this, here it is).. My fiance is bigger than my ex-husband. My ex was at the perfect size to reach some spot in me that would make my entire body quiver and put tears in my eyes. My fiance glides right by that magical spot. My fiance has found a way to add some pillows and positions me in a way that makes my head spin and almost ready to claim that it happened (insider). Another larger man might glide right past that spot. So, I believe there's nothing to fear.

Does that bring it all back to a simple masculinity issue again? Goodness....

I don't know how he feels about the ability to have actual feelings for another person, while at the same time loving him fully and completely. I think, at this time, his focus is on sex. In that way, if it was a female, he feels turned on and not threatened.. and possibly not realizing that if I did explore that side, it doesn't mean that she would be comfortable inviting him into the bedroom scene, even for viewing pleasure.

So.. in a follow up question: What is the real issue? Sex or intimacy? And why would things with a woman be different? It's still someone else that you're sharing your love's affection with.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 01-12-2012, 10:03 PM
Phy's Avatar
Phy Phy is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 604
Default

Just a short note:

Lin just said something, that sounded really logical for me when I read your last comment. I could easily understood where he was coming from.

He would feel more threatened by a woman having sex with me, than a man. Why? He regards woman on woman as some kind of playing at home. Woman know what woman want. Better than men ever could. So, reduced on the physical part of the problem, woman are more threatening to him

Sward is on the same page, btw.
__________________
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

My Blog
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 01-12-2012, 11:36 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,636
Default

Have you looked at any other threads on mono/poly relationships? Its our biggest tag here. Check it out in the search engine under "tags" and do a tag search there for "mono/poly."

Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyKat View Post
How did the two of you communicate and work through things? How long did it take (understanding that each person is different)?
This part is very well addressed in most threads discussed previously here. I like your other questions. They mnke people think. Me and mono have been over it all five million times at this point as indicated in my blog. Its become something we generally don't bother talking about any more. I will tell him about your questions, but really we just see it as being from two different cultures and trying to understand each other that way.
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog

Last edited by redpepper; 01-12-2012 at 11:43 PM.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:48 AM.