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Old 01-12-2012, 02:09 AM
MichelleZed MichelleZed is offline
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Posts: 194

So, just an update--

I had my baby four weeks ago on December 15. Fairly uncomplicated delivery. We named my son something cool that I won't tell you, and I'll instead call him Arthur here. He's doing well and breastfeeding like a fiend and I'm just... recovering. That first month is hard. My lovely husband has been great.

My lover Sven was the first to come see me in the hospital after my mother. I was desperate to see him and have him meet the baby and hold him. Then he left to visit family for the holidays and has only just come back. As ever, we'll see how things go with him. He's visited a few times and has been fantastic with the little man! I haven't had a chance to be alone with him, and probably won't for awhile.

In my spare seconds, I struggle with postpartum body issues. But I'm only four weeks postpartum. I hope it gets better.

Anyway, conclusion: I think everyone should be poly because that first month with a baby, you need help!
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Old 01-12-2012, 04:00 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Posts: 2,285


That first month really is hard, but in Gia's case her recovery just got faster and faster from there.

And YES, totally:
Originally Posted by MichelleZed View Post
Anyway, conclusion: I think everyone should be poly because that first month with a baby, you need help!
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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Old 01-12-2012, 04:15 AM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
Did you take a break from relationships that weren't with your co-parent? If so, for how long? Do you feel like that was the best choice, looking back?
Not purposefully, no, but that is what ended up happening. In one case what should have been teasing escalated to a major fight due to my horomonal state (don't tease a pregnant woman about ANYTHING having to do with her pregnancy or her child. just don't) and it took us about 10 months to start talking again. We are still friends but never returned to having a physical relationship. Another had other issues that would have ended our relationship anyway, but the situation was complicated by the fact that I was dealing with my first year of motherhood. We have not spoken since. Finally, TGIB and I had a fight a couple months before I was due with my second. Normally I would have been much more pro-active about dealing with the fallout, but being very pregnant, I was too damn tired, so I didn't put out the effort. I told myself I didn't care (HA!). We didn't completely cut off contact but it was very stilted for months. We got back together about a year later. Since none of them were choices, exactly, I can't say if they were for the best or not. They probably were, since my reactions were probably due in part to this feeling of drawing myself in around this new life.

Did your other partners also help parent, or at least take an active role with the baby? How did that affect your relationship(s) with them?
TGIB helps with my kids when he's here, which is AWESOME, but he is not a co-parent, nor am I with his kids since they are in texas and I've never been to texas, I have yet to even MEET them ). We have different parenting styles and agree that we each will abide by the other's wishes as far as how to handle our respective kids goes.

Did your co-parent's outlook on poly change, and, if so, how did that impact your life?

And as far as needing help goes, I'm working on my control-freak issues regarding my kids. My husband does a great job (though I'm sure he gets tired of me telling him how to do things he knows perfectly well how to do) but it's hard for me to even let my mother help. There's this Mama-Bear "MY KIDS" instinct that kicks in, so unless he was gonna do the dishes and laundry and cook (oh dear lord) I don't know how I would have been able to let TGIB help.
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack

Last edited by ThatGirlInGray; 01-12-2012 at 04:19 AM.
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Old 01-12-2012, 04:45 AM
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BlackUnicorn BlackUnicorn is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 906

Exhaustion over kids was one of the things that strained my relationship with Moonlighrunner and earlier with Windflower. Although I love their kids to death and strive to see them at least once a week, I would be very wary of getting involved with someone who has small kids living with them again.
Me: bi female in my twenties
Dating: Moonlightrunner
Metamour: Windflower
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birth, child rearing, children, family, kids, poly children, pregnancy

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