Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 01-05-2012, 10:01 PM
TheMouseRan TheMouseRan is offline
New Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 2
Default Poly in loving relationship with Mono. Advice?

I started dating my girlfriend around 4 years ago. I'm deeply in love with her and we are compatible in every way but one... she's mono and I have recently discovered I am poly.

She is the first long term exclusive relationship I have ever had. She's kind, intelligent, funny and beautiful. My friends and family love her (perhaps more than me? lol). When I imagine my future the fact that she is a part of it brings a smile to my face.

Yet through the relationship there have been a few bumps. Most notably being when I fell for another girl. I was honest with my girlfriend about it and very painfully and abruptly cut off my relationship with the new girl. Sometimes I still think about her. In fact for quiet a while I've had to be careful about making platonic relationships with desirable women, to spare myself the temptation and hurt of falling for them.

Some time after that I had talks with my girlfriend about the nature of love, and also about the possibility of exploring sexuality with other people together (I only mentioned a 3 way, perhaps with another man even). She asserted that she could not be happy doing that. After sharing that with her I agreed to continue a strictly Monogamous relationship, for I could not bear to lose her. I also thought that these drives might be a passing phase, I'm only 21...

This next bit is a failing on my part. My girlfriend recently discovered that I had asked other girls for naked pictures over the internet. These were people I never met, but I got a certain exhilaration from doing this. It sort of progressed... Some people may call this cheating, I understand that perspective. Needless to say, she's very upset. Though it did in a sense serve to benefit. It re-highlighted the main divisive force in our relationship, that being our differences in sexuality. Considering what I had done I sought counseling services online for my behavior. Instead I found Polyamorous communities...

I guess what I'm asking is, if I really love this woman, what should I do? Do you know any examples of Polys living in strictly Mono relationships long term? How do they do it? Really anything will help...

TL;DR Can a Poly have a strictly Mono relationship and be successful? What should a Poly do when in a strictly Mono relationship with someone he loves deeply?
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 07:58 PM.