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Old 01-05-2012, 05:41 PM
heart4two heart4two is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Default To Poly or not to Poly

Hi all, I was so glad to come across this forum. I am a 38 yrold married mom of two and have been a mono wife for the last 15 yrs. Before getting married I had one other boyfriend who was my only other love, and through a chance encounter (we live on other sides of the country) we have re-connected.
I have always known that I still loved him, but I love my husband too, it's just different. I have always been attracted to and wanted intimate connections with more than one man, but I remained dutiful until now. My husband has been accused of cheating (denies) before we were married, has had a porn addiction, had an emotional affair, and finally a physical affair last sept 2010. After learning of the last affair I took a trip to LA and bumped into my ex. We began talking daily since and it actually helped spice things up with my husband, although I couldn't wait to see my other. My husband found out through searching my phone,(he has been searching through my stuff for years I found out). He confronted me, and I explained everything and told him that I was going to see my other during my next trip to LA. He begged me not to, but I had to I couldn't help it. I admitted having sex with my ex and even in couples therapy was not "sorry". I was sorry to hurt my husband, but not sorry for my actions. My experience with my ex is different, amazing, it feels like a piece of me that was missing was found. We currently talk almost daily, but I am hiding my feelings from my husband. I haven't seen my other in 9mos, and it's awful. My husband doesn't know (I have found safer ways to communicate) but continues to have his own issues, most recently trying to hire an escort.

I love my family life and the relationship I have with my husband, but he is not enough anymore. He comments jokingly about "sharing" me, but I'm not sure if he could. Am I just being greedy? I am considering leaving the marriage so I can be free, but I know even then I would still want them both.
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