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  #11  
Old 01-04-2012, 02:35 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Many of us make decisions on how to live our lives that our families don't approve of. Dealing with that in a considerate yet self confident way is an opportunity for growth.

I will draw a parallel with breastfeeding, since I am a lactation counselor. Many women I help get negative reactions from family members about their decision to breastfeed, or to continue breastfeeding for more than a few months.

There are several things you can say and do, to get nosy family members to butt out of your lifestyle, your way of loving.

1) Share information. Print off pages from poly websites or share a book about how polyamory works and how it is healthy for some people.

2) Use humor. (In breastfeeding, if someone asks, when seeing the mom and baby nursing, "How long are you going to do THAT?" say, "Oh, probably another 10 minutes or so.")

3) Express appreciation for their concern. This FM might love you and have a real fear you are being damaged by sharing love with more than one partner.

4) Be self confident. If you are happy and feel good about your life, show it! Don't allow them to rock you with their poison.

5) Do not allow them to castigate either of your partners. (Some people will mock a nursing toddler about how they are a big boy/girl and nursing is for babies.) This FM needs to back off your other partners.

6) Even though you say you are a private person, don't back down and hide your joy by not going out with your bfs. (Some women hide indoors to breastfeed, but the more women that hide it, the more of an oddity breastfeeding can seem when someone does nurse in public.) Go out, enjoy life, do it with pride!

7) Is what others have said. Draw clear boundaries. If you like this family member, tell them in no uncertain terms you will no longer discuss this topic with them, and continue your relationship with them. If they just won't back off, stop seeing them.

Remember, this FM might have cravings for other partners themself, and be projecting that longing onto you negatively.
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miss pixi, 37

Last edited by Magdlyn; 01-04-2012 at 02:41 PM.
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  #12  
Old 01-04-2012, 03:26 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Well done, Mags.
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  #13  
Old 01-04-2012, 04:28 PM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Mags I know what you mean ...I once saw a 6-7yr old boy walk up and help himself to an afternoon snack ...very shocking or stunning for me and one of my guys. And really hard to continue to have the conversation we were having with the mother ...but she and the kid couldn't have cared less.
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  #14  
Old 01-04-2012, 05:16 PM
jasminegld jasminegld is offline
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Default Poly Pride

> 1) Share information. Print off pages from poly websites

In particular, print off the Poly Pride page, and muse to FM how much you and bf would like to attend a Poly Pride event.
http://www.poly-nyc.com/pride.html

> ...bizarre to ask for a meeting...

Not really. I know of at least two instances among my poly acquaintances where family members staged "interventions." In one case, they asked for a meeting. In another case, they sprang the intervention on someone unannounced.
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  #15  
Old 01-04-2012, 06:09 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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I'm sorry you were caught by surprise and brought to tears. I'm with everyone else who says tell FM to mind their own business. And I doubt treading lightly will get the message across adequately.

Of course, out of respect for my mother I'm abiding by an agreement I made with her when I was 19 to not come out to my family as Bi until my grandparents were gone. There's a lot of family I will NOT mind cutting myself off from so I'll probably be grinning when I come out as Bi AND Poly. So I may not be the best person to listen to in this instance.
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  #16  
Old 01-04-2012, 07:07 PM
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I can think of 2 words to tell FM !
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  #17  
Old 01-05-2012, 12:47 AM
jasminegld jasminegld is offline
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Default Article about family

Just found an online article about this very topic, posted today:

"Opening to Family About Open Marriage

http://www.jujumamablog.com/2012/01/...open-marriage/
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  #18  
Old 01-05-2012, 09:05 AM
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Somegeezer Somegeezer is offline
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I'm better off without people like that in my life. =] I'm sure my mother and sister already think of me as some jerk. Especially at times when I've seemingly brought many people home in short spaces of each other. But thankfully, they generally keep their noses out. Even my sister being bisexual doesn't really seem to open her mind up to other possibilities unfortunately.

Stick with people who embrace who you are, or at least couldn't care what you do with your own life.
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  #19  
Old 01-05-2012, 06:19 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CautiousLoops View Post
my FM would like to meet tonight because they said they would like to understand where my emotions are at with my partner.

I know it's past when this was supposed to happen. I'll offer this up for future reference.

I'd *never* meet with a FM in circumstances such as this. To do so is to enable further bad behavior.

How does that enable bad behavior? By agreeing to meet with a such an agenda, you're communicating to the FM that you agree he has every right to be able to expect to call you to task for anything he wants and to interfere in your life. If you agree to a meeting under that rubric, you're reinforcing his ideas that he has rights to impose his nonsense on you--and he will keep doing so forever after.

I'd simply tell him it's none of his business and he needs to keep that in mind. And that he owes me an apology for causing a scene in front of my date and hurting my feelings.
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

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  #20  
Old 01-06-2012, 06:25 AM
Monochrome Monochrome is offline
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I am very private, too, and haven't had anything like this with my family, but something much less drastic happened with Gray's family. Some years ago now, she left for a long weekend to visit a friend in another state. A male friend. Meanwhile, Gray's sibling was visiting my in-laws, who live a short drive away, so I drove over to see them (and get a free meal ).

We are all chatting pleasantly when the subject of Gray visiting her friend came up. There's this pause, then one one of them says seriously, "and you are all right with this?"

"Um, yeah. Surprise, surprise, I talk with my wife about our relationship."

Ok, that last part might not have been out loud, but I think it was evident in my tone of voice. There hasn't been another "concerned talk" since.
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