Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Introductions

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 01-02-2012, 01:52 AM
Anyonebutme Anyonebutme is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 2
Arrow New and no giudance

Ah well, at last i found the courage to join the Forum and put in my first post. I have no idea who to discuss this with, as with a society structure we live in is so rudimentary.

I am married, and my husband is great. But i think its stilll not enough. Why do we try to find everything in one person.

Ok to give a background, I am married for last 2 years. I have love my husband, and i think he is really awesome. But he cant satisfy me in bed. Other than that everything had been so good. I got so frustrated and took a break from us 6 months ago and i went overseas. There i started sleeping with these guys, amazing in bed but i couldn't connect emotionally. And eventually i came back, and he is same loving and caring. and i have realized that i shouldn't look for everything in one person. but the problem still stays.

So my main question, is it wrong to find someone just for sex and no emotions. is it still poly.

Anyone but Me
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 01-02-2012, 02:03 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,235
Default

Have you tried teaching your husband what you like and communicating with him about what the problem is? Sometimes you have to basically point, explain, guide their hands and mouths, and make sure a guy knows what you want and how to do it. You should look at what is going on between you and hubby and work on it, not just try to find a substitute for whatever bothers you. Polyamory won't work if you're just using the idea of multiple partners to avoid or fix a problem at home. It has to start with a strong, healthy, happy foundation, because other individuals have their own needs and wants and shouldn't be used to solve your problems with your husband, nor be an appendage to your marriage. If you can't discuss it with him, perhaps you can enlist the help of a therapist.

And no, if it's just NSA (No Strings Attached) sexual partners you want without any emotional involvement, caring, and lovingness, that is not really polyamory.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 01-02-2012 at 02:31 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 01-02-2012, 02:23 AM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,271
Default

How long did you date before marrying?

Did you have sex during that time.

How does your husband feel about opening up your marriage....and the reasons behind it.?.

Does your husband know that during the break you were having sex with other guys?
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 01-03-2012, 05:55 AM
Anyonebutme Anyonebutme is offline
New Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 2
Default

As for answering the question.. I have tried to talk to my hubby, but as he is from a very conservative family he is not comfortable talking about it. I have tried to tell him what i like etc, but most of the times he just doesnt wanna have sex. So anything after that is not possible.

Thanks nycindie, i think my issue is not related to polymory. Thanks for explaining.

@dingedheart
we dated for 2 years before we got married.

yes we did have sex, but now it has reduced from twice a week to once a fortnight.

he thinks sex is not that important for the relationship.

No my husband doesnt know anything from my break. as we had a pact that we dont wanna know what happened in that break.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 01-03-2012, 07:30 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,235
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anyonebutme View Post
I have tried to talk to my hubby, but as he is from a very conservative family he is not comfortable talking about it. I have tried to tell him what i like etc, but most of the times he just doesnt wanna have sex. So anything after that is not possible. ... it has reduced from twice a week to once a fortnight.

he thinks sex is not that important for the relationship.
Well, don't give up, hon! Get him to talk! Marriages crumble and fall apart when couples don't communicate!

Don't accept his conservative upbringing as an excuse. Tell him how important it is to you, how unhappy you are, get into therapy, see a medical doctor to have his testosterone levels checked, do everything you can. You don't want to let it get so bad you "have to" cheat. Don't stop talking just because he doesn't want to. Sex is too important a part of relationships to just let things slide and be miserable. And it's obvious you are miserable.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 01-03-2012 at 07:34 AM.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
no feelings sex, not enough sex, nsa sex, problems, what is poly

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:15 PM.