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Old 01-01-2012, 10:33 PM
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Feedhercandy Feedhercandy is offline
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Default Coming out complexity

Hi everyone,

This has been a long-term, background question for me, especially intensifying as things have grown and deepened with my BF. BTW, my V is, currently, absolutely fabulous. My husband, daughter, boyfriend, closest friends and I spent a great Christmas day and New Years together (all that is great )

About the coming out / disclosure side of things. Most of the people who really matter in my life know about our poly life. And that has been really quite good. BUT, some people on my side and all people on my BFs side don't know. This hasn't rally been much of a problem except that my BF has become quite integrated into my life, and I am intensely integrated into his. He spends a lot of time w me and my daughter, and quite a bit of family time with us as well. For some of my close friends, one of the married half of a couple knows about our reality, but the other half doesn't. So we end up being partially in the closet. Some of my more distant friends don't know, and I'm not quite sure how to manage telling them (and if I should). But not telling has consequences, especially with time.

On my BFs side, no one knows. They know I exist and some have met me, but only as a GF who isn't married and, for some, who doesn't have a kid. My BF is a very private person, so this isn't really outside his character, but it is outside of mine.

Am I worrying about stuff I shouldn't be? How do I include him in my life with people who don't know the details? Do I tell them? Act platonic around him and them? Or exclude him?

Any thoughts would be appreciated.
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Old 01-02-2012, 03:02 AM
dingedheart dingedheart is offline
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Does the bf have a problem with the current subjective closeting.

What are the downsides of coming out?
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Old 01-02-2012, 03:18 AM
wildflowers wildflowers is offline
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Not really an answer, but you might want to look at this other thread on coming out.

http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=18588

i think it has a lot of interesting ideas on why people are or aren't out, and the many shades of gray within that.
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Old 01-02-2012, 08:20 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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try doing a tag search for "coming out" and see what has been discussed previously. Really its all about what you feel comfortable with and what seems like the best timing and best bet.
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