Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #31  
Old 11-11-2009, 06:32 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

I always aired on the side of telling them right away. I always figure that someone will know they are interested in me in the first few moments of meeting and therefore they should also know the deal in those first few moments too.

I can't remember what I said to Mono, maybe he remembers, but I find it impossible not to talk about my husband and son as they are a huge part of my life. So I get it out of the way and then act like it's nothing unusual and totally normal, which it is to me anyways... acting like I am just me is the best I can do... often there are a lot of questions and I answer them in complete honesty and without taking on their judgment or jealousy, just stay humble.... "yup, I get to fuck three lovely men and thoroughly have my cake and eat it too lucky me."

I have the type of personality and character though that people seem to just accept and respect my openness and honesty. I am never shy, cautious or have any hesitation in telling people details about myself. Especially sexual details and fine print! I find it invigorating and a challenge... I think it is written all over my face in a cheeky self confident way
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 11-11-2009, 06:40 PM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Right here. Right now.
Posts: 649
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
we kinda "grok?" sorry, I don't get it
Grok
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

To grok (pronounced /ˈɡrɒk/) is to share the same semiosphere or line of thinking with another physical or conceptual entity. Author Robert A. Heinlein coined the term in his best-selling 1961 book Stranger in a Strange Land. In Heinlein's view, grokking is the intermingling of intelligence that necessarily affects both the observer and the observed.

From the novel:
Grok means to understand so thoroughly that the observer becomes a part of the observed—to merge, blend, intermarry, lose identity in group experience. It means almost everything that we mean by religion, philosophy, and science—and it means as little to us (because of our Earthly assumptions) as color means to a blind man.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines grok as "to understand intuitively or by empathy; to establish rapport with" and "to empathize or communicate sympathetically (with); also, to experience enjoyment."
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 11-11-2009, 06:43 PM
Fidelia Fidelia is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Right here. Right now.
Posts: 649
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I always aired on the side of telling them right away. I always figure that someone will know they are interested in me in the first few moments of meeting and therefore they should also know the deal in those first few moments too.

I can't remember what I said to Mono, maybe he remembers, but I find it impossible not to talk about my husband and son as they are a huge part of my life. So I get it out of the way and then act like it's nothing unusual and totally normal, which it is to me anyways... acting like I am just me is the best I can do... often there are a lot of questions and I answer them in complete honesty and without taking on their judgment or jealousy, just stay humble.... "yup, I get to fuck three lovely men and thoroughly have my cake and eat it too lucky me."

I have the type of personality and character though that people seem to just accept and respect my openness and honesty. I am never shy, cautious or have any hesitation in telling people details about myself. Especially sexual details and fine print! I find it invigorating and a challenge... I think it is written all over my face in a cheeky self confident way
I absolutely LOVE that about you, Red! I'm working toward that goal myself.
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 11-11-2009, 06:53 PM
Manno Manno is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Eugene, OR
Posts: 55
Default

RP: I have to say that this is my planned approach too.

I don't want to waste a lot of time skirting the issue and it is an intense issue, but I hope that my personality and my body language are able to deliver that issue well. Furthermore, I'd hate to ask someone out and then after they say yes and before the date they learn that I'm married and am poly from someone else. Like that person can say it better or for me. I want to be the person who tells them. Doing so sooner than later ensures that.
__________________
Media Specialist/Pop Culturalist/Eugenian/Native Louisianian/Professional Weirdo

Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 11-12-2009, 02:38 AM
beatbox151's Avatar
beatbox151 beatbox151 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 18
Default

Let me just take this moment to thank everyone for being so understanding and accepting about this. I appreciate all of the comments and I feel much better with you guys being a support group.

Honestly, I have always wanted more than one partner/lover/emotional friend, but I think I was just conditioned to think that it would never happen for me. Making it feel normal is probably one of the best things that has ever happened for me.....again thank you for your warm welcome. I will be a regular here, for sure.
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 11-12-2009, 02:40 AM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fidelia View Post
Grok
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

To grok (pronounced /ˈɡrɒk/) is to share the same semiosphere or line of thinking with another physical or conceptual entity. Author Robert A. Heinlein coined the term in his best-selling 1961 book Stranger in a Strange Land. In Heinlein's view, grokking is the intermingling of intelligence that necessarily affects both the observer and the observed.

From the novel:
Grok means to understand so thoroughly that the observer becomes a part of the observed—to merge, blend, intermarry, lose identity in group experience. It means almost everything that we mean by religion, philosophy, and science—and it means as little to us (because of our Earthly assumptions) as color means to a blind man.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines grok as "to understand intuitively or by empathy; to establish rapport with" and "to empathize or communicate sympathetically (with); also, to experience enjoyment."
Wow, cool! thanks....
__________________
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 11-13-2009, 01:23 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is online now
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,170
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by beatbox151 View Post
Well, my wife thinks I should be up front with everyone I date right off the bat. And I agree from an ethical point of view. However, from a probability POV I think I should give it some time. Let them get to know me. Decide whether or not I am someone they like, then tell them.

Two schools of thought, and the 3rd option.....don't tell them....which is neither practical nor ethical. Disaster would soon follow. I prefer to keep things civil.

And pepper, I appreciate you acknowledging this about the males having their work cut out for them. It may get rough and maybe even lonely.

Perhaps this girl will call me, maybe not. She didn't last night, but it was not unexpected seeing as how I had no "IN".
We've been discussing this the last few days. I think I think (no that's not a typo, still considering) that it needs to be said before anything sexual occurs. But if you are just saying hello-getting to know someone, I'm not sure at that point it's NECESSARY. I haven't decided.
For me I just tell people,Yeah I'm poly and no I'm not available. Because that's the case... But for maca... well see-I'm not really possessive in one sense. I don't mind if he makes friends and waits for the time he knows they aren't just "hello every morning at the coffee shop" people to tell them... on the other hand I'd be boiling mad if he had sex without them knowing he was married...
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 11-13-2009, 01:27 AM
LovingRadiance's Avatar
LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is online now
Moderator
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
Posts: 5,170
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I always aired on the side of telling them right away. I always figure that someone will know they are interested in me in the first few moments of meeting and therefore they should also know the deal in those first few moments too.

I can't remember what I said to Mono, maybe he remembers, but I find it impossible not to talk about my husband and son as they are a huge part of my life. So I get it out of the way and then act like it's nothing unusual and totally normal, which it is to me anyways... acting like I am just me is the best I can do... often there are a lot of questions and I answer them in complete honesty and without taking on their judgment or jealousy, just stay humble.... "yup, I get to fuck three lovely men and thoroughly have my cake and eat it too lucky me."

I have the type of personality and character though that people seem to just accept and respect my openness and honesty. I am never shy, cautious or have any hesitation in telling people details about myself. Especially sexual details and fine print! I find it invigorating and a challenge... I think it is written all over my face in a cheeky self confident way
Ditto (but not 3 men!) I think I need some kids to grow up and move out if I want a third partner!
__________________
"Love As Thou Wilt"
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 11-13-2009, 03:53 AM
sunnydee sunnydee is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 44
Default Date poly first.

Quote:
Originally Posted by beatbox151 View Post
Let me just take this moment to thank everyone for being so understanding and accepting about this. I appreciate all of the comments and I feel much better with you guys being a support group.

Honestly, I have always wanted more than one partner/lover/emotional friend, but I think I was just conditioned to think that it would never happen for me. Making it feel normal is probably one of the best things that has ever happened for me.....again thank you for your warm welcome. I will be a regular here, for sure.

I'm new to both dating and to being poly and I've been struggling with the "when to tell" thing. There's been kind of a steep learning curve, to tell the truth. I do think it's different for me as a woman, but, Beatbox, if at possible, you will find it considerably easier to start by dating a polygirl rather than approaching someone who will very likely not be cool with you being married.

Several times recently, I've dated mono men and I found them particularly difficult because they really didn't want to hear that I'm dating others, they sort of dismissively said yes, they were fine with me dating others or whatever, then, very quickly, changed their minds. It got stressful so I've taken a break from them for a while.

I think, though, that if you didn't tell a mono woman up front, she'd be pretty p*ssed if you're married. Single and dating others, you could probably get away with til the second date. But most mono women want relationships and they don't want to waste time with someone who really isn't available to them. Polygirl, Beatbox, give it a try. OKCupid can be a nice place to find polyfolk.
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 11-13-2009, 04:00 AM
MonoVCPHG's Avatar
MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In Redpepper's heart
Posts: 4,742
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnydee View Post
if at possible, you will find it considerably easier to start by dating a polygirl rather than approaching someone who will very likely not be cool with you being married.

.
Great advice! I am a huge fan of getting it out there right away so why not search in circles already aware and accepting of poly.

Oddly enough Redeppper searched for a very long time amongst other more like minded people and ended up with me! How ironic is that LOL!

It just goes to show that some relationships are found and some were just meant to come into your life.
__________________

Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes

Poly Events All Over
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 01:38 AM.