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  #41  
Old 12-28-2011, 03:47 PM
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hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
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I've decided to leave OKC . . . again. This is my second go-around with the site, and I think my separation from it may be permanent.

I deleted all content from my profile, and posted a parting thought:
I'm leaving soon, but am leaving my account up for a short while longer.

In the mean time, a parting thought, by way of explanation, from "How To Be a Poet (to remind myself)" by Wendell Berry:

Shun electric wire.
Communicate slowly. Live
a three-dimensional life;
stay away from screens.
Stay away from anything
that obscures the place it is in.
Now, I've been on OKC (this time around) for a few months, and have received no messages at all . . . until I posted that I was leaving. Then within minutes I receive this, from a woman whose profile indicates she has recently married:
Congratulations! Maybe now would be a good time to delete your profile and show your wife you are dedicated to her.
I wrote the following reply:
(Had you read my profile before, you'd have seen that my wife knows I'm on here. She is, too. We are committed to one another, but not to the exclusion of other relationships. Yes, it's unconventional, but there it is.)
. . . then blocked her.
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  #42  
Old 12-28-2011, 04:47 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hyperskeptic View Post
Congratulations! Maybe now would be a good time to delete your profile and show your wife you are dedicated to her.
LOL

I got a good one on Dec 13

Quote:
Hello there! I never use this site but I could not help but say hello when I saw your profile. You seem very interesting, I have many of the same interests, eclectic music sort of stuff. I love jazz and hip hop myself; my life passion is poetry. I am in [my city] and study literature. I see you are "looking for" individuals of a slightly younger age, 25-40? I fall shy of the range at 23 (well, in February I will be) but perhaps we can spark a conversation if that isn't a dealbreaker? Have a pleasant day!
And so I wrote back. His 2nd msg was even better.

Quote:
...My interest is piqued due to your photos and the fact that you are interested in younger men. Very piqued.

You say in your profile you are intruiged by the goddess mythologies/religions? They interest me too, though being male perhaps influences my bias toward the warrior mythologies. I feel like most of the theological systems we have now are half-and-half, usually with the paganistic fertiltiy superceded by warrior values, no doubt because the fertility/goddess culture was invaded by the battling/warrior culture. How well they combine them is a key to their interesting-ness, for me. Christianity isn't graceful with it, between the Virgin Mary and the proselytizing Truth that is Jesus. Hinduism is graceful, with Krishna and his consort Radha being the self-concious unity of the two forces, male and female. And of course, the ancient Greeks did it best, embodied in Pallas Athena, herself a virgin warrior.

Anywho I could rap all day about these things, let me cut to the chase. I am interested in sex with you. I fully am attracted to older women. Your posted photos, show a voluptuous body that really excites me sexually. The fact that your hair is gray is hot because it shows you are comfortable with your naturalness, and I love that sort of confidence. Young women rarely, if ever, are ok with themselves like that. In short I am attracted to you and am extremely interested in your sex.

I apologize for the lack of photos; I have some on another computer, I'd be happy to send some to you at a later date. I am not trying to dick you around in that regard (as it were), I am admittedly a tad shy but I am not trying to be deceptive or elusive, at least not privately. So, if my catharsis hasn't frightened you, I hope to hear from you soon. Tell me about yourself, I am quite sick of focusing on me these past paragraphs. How long have you lived in [my city]? I see you're well-traveled, why the hell do you choose to stay here? What are some of your favorite literary and/or theological ideas? & suchlike etcetera. Hope to hear from you soon!
*swoon*
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me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
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  #43  
Old 12-28-2011, 09:23 PM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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I received a message about a week ago that opened with this:

"Poly Pagan & Weird? SIGN ME UP! ...."

She had my attention completely from the outset. I responded and we've traded numerous messages. We have a date sometime next week (the specific time yet to be decided).
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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  #44  
Old 12-29-2011, 06:05 PM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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First message: hi u wanna meet
My response: Hi. You have nothing in your profile... don't know that we have anything in common... I don't meet people I know nothing about..
Next message: aw common we could probably have fun
My response: Yeah, no. Did you read my profile? Cause I think you missed some parts if you did.
Next message: common u know u wanna hav fun
My response: Not interested
Next message: honey come on dont u want to play
My response: NO

Aaaaannnndddd blocked.

He had a blank profile.

I have a profile that clearly states I'm not looking for casual sex or a fuck buddy.

*sigh*

On the other hand I'm communicting with a cute redhead who I may meet in Jan at MVK
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  #45  
Old 12-29-2011, 10:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AutumnalTone View Post
I received a message about a week ago that opened with this:

"Poly Pagan & Weird? SIGN ME UP! ...."
I'm going to use that (citing whatever adjectives apply to the recipient of such cleverness).
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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  #46  
Old 12-30-2011, 10:28 PM
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RfromRMC RfromRMC is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by marksbabygirl View Post
Aaaaannnndddd blocked.

He had a blank profile.

I have a profile that clearly states I'm not looking for casual sex or a fuck buddy.
Hell, even if someone IS looking for casual sex or a fuck buddy, what you describe is a big red flag to stay away! I don't think I want someone like that even sharing the same sidewalk as me!
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  #47  
Old 12-30-2011, 11:48 PM
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Breathesgirl Breathesgirl is offline
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You folks actually GET responses/replies/interest? I've been there for I don't know how long. I have plenty of people LOOK at my profile but I have had maybe a handful of people actually reply to something in my profile. I do more replying to other people's profiles & getting no response back than I do responding to anything coming into my inbox! *pout*

I get more private messages here regarding the Toronto meet and greet than I do on OKC about anything!

Not complaining, really, just wondering how come so many people (here and other places I frequent) get all these responses (welcome or not) when I get nothing!
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  #48  
Old 12-31-2011, 06:36 AM
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vanille vanille is offline
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Him: Your profile is like an Abilify commercial, 80% disclaimers. I have a hard time believing you use the site. I've got a notion you are some kind of demographer. I first started using okcupid to write a story about it. But things got weird.

I could never imagine an open marriage. I bet a lot of guys will message you little critiques of your circumstance. You'll find a large number of sexually-repressed Catholics in this city.

And this brings me to god. I don't like to talk about it sometimes and now.

------------

Me: I don't get a lot of messages. I'm guessing that's due to the disclaimers. I keep em up just for that. No one has ever messaged me with a critique. Actually, some have messaged me wanting to learn more about polyamory.

Good thing I'm an Atheist.

-------------

Him: Well the notion of god serves a political function that I believe remains very real, American life's greatest contradiction. Contradiction because LGBT-run network television coexists with yuppie culture (*problematic). There is a Built to Spill line from 'Untrustable,' "god is whoever you're performing for / and god is whoever you perform for." Within this open definintion 'god' is family friends fucks social convention academia your mortgage your bossman. This 'network of gods' serves the same function as a god 'who acts in the world.' And I believe this network is more powerful than any external force could wish to be. So if atheism (to me) means withdrawel from social control, polyamory sensibly and naturally follows. I find some flaws in this last statement. Mostly polyamory just diffuses the influence of fucks...

-----------

Me: I can't say your message is very clear.

-----------

Him: Well I'm trying to say that belief in god or atheism is irrelevant since a god-function (the separate but equal mixture of culture, $, tradition, anti-tradition, and nihilism) is embedded in the fabric of American society. I know it's not clear and I'm not clear. I'll blame it on the inadequacies of language, but I know that's a cheap escape.

I try too hard with textual interface. The above treatise is proof. The term 'textual interface' is proof as well. I get started and I can't stop going into narcissistic digressions.

And why am I trying to talk to you about god??

----------

Me: Haha. I fear the act of trying to be clear prevents you from being clear sometimes if you try too hard. It's not uncommon. Or perhaps most Americans are dumbed down to the point that they can't understand anything with lots of words. I promise I'm not dumb, I just believe that I'm most clear when I speak as simply as possible.

I don't know. I took your first message as saying you don't like to talk about god.

I'm still left unclear as to your stance in polyamory.
---------

Him: It's not that I don't like to talk about god. My primary form of entertainment during my pre-collegiate years was deconstructing the Catholic ideal. I've just been having some issues facing my mortality lately. You know, the whole terrifying nothingness.

I'm not even clear as to my stance on love. My treatise on love is better prepared. It's all about meta-messages, intended messages and unintended messages. Begins with the Samuel Beckett quote, "All love is self-love." So I don't know my stance love.

--------

Me: Death reminds me that this life is but a moment that will some day be forever lost. It's a reminder how precious life is and how much each moment should be treasured. I do not believe in an afterlife. So I live and love as though this is it.

-------

Him: Is death a reminder to live without self-control or self-awareness? Do you believe man is a beast? What seperates you from the ape (don't take offense to this) in your nihilistic experience? Is the goal to live instinctively? Is love an instinct? Why am I asking so many questions?

-------

Me: I am a scientist. I don't think there is anything supernatural or special about being human. I don't think we are any different than the animals except that we drew the longer straw and get to be called "top dog". We destroy everything and rarely leave things better than we found them. In all that, death still reminds me that I am absurdly lucky to be able to experience any of this even if only for a brief instant. Is love an instinct? Well I believe in biology and psychology. So I think there are biological things going on when we are attracted to someone. As for why we call it love and choose to stay with them - well that's psychology and sociology. I don't believe love is some unknowable thing that is bigger than we can ever imagine. To me, it's chemicals and sociological events.
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In a relationship with Armani for ten years. New to the poly world and excited. Living in New Orleans...

Last edited by vanille; 12-31-2011 at 06:40 AM.
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  #49  
Old 12-31-2011, 06:38 AM
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vanille vanille is offline
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By the way, I totally understand if that was a 'too long' didn't read moment.

Am I just really dense? I really find his messages bizarre.

Edit: oh one more!

Him: omg

----------

Me: omg

---------

him: you are flippen hot!!!!
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In a relationship with Armani for ten years. New to the poly world and excited. Living in New Orleans...

Last edited by vanille; 12-31-2011 at 06:49 AM.
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  #50  
Old 12-31-2011, 07:07 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Breathesgirl View Post
I do more replying to other people's profiles & getting no response back than I do responding to anything coming into my inbox! *pout*
Me too. I get lots of peepers who never answer me, and some real klunkers who send me stupid messages, but once in a while an interesting conversation and some possibility.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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