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  #161  
Old 08-04-2011, 04:16 PM
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rory rory is offline
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^I'm the same way to you, I don't really like talking on the phone. I can do it, if needed and it's easier with somebody you're very close with. Weirdly enough, I find it a lot easier to focus when talking on skype, even if I'm not using a webcam. I don't know why that is, though.

I'm in an LDR and skype is a must. While textual communication is nice and really important, some things just aren't well communicated by that only. I notice that I can't emphatise as well if I read about feelings (unless somebody is an exceptionally talented writer), I think the feeling is best communicated in the tone of voice etc. when you're talking. Also, I have a problem with "understanding" time in written text: if a person writes about what they will do on Monday, I can't seem to connect it to an actual Monday, you know, the same one I'm living in a few days. I do have some trouble with it on skype, too, but not nearly as bad.
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  #162  
Old 08-04-2011, 05:17 PM
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There is valuable information in the beginning of this thread, which I revived because when I deliberately searched for threads about long-distance relationships I chose the one that seemed to have the most pertinent information in it for my situation, so I wouldn't start a new thread.

The questions she asked in the first post were exactly why I chose this thread to resurrect:
Quote:
Originally Posted by rolypoly View Post
I've seen a few people mention that they're in long-distance poly relationships and I'd love to hear about how they work for you. . . . I know I'd feel more connected if I knew that we had time reserved for talking with each other and catching up.

What other agreements do people have that make LDRs more smooth? How do you handle them? What benefits do you get from your relationship if regular physical intimacy isn't possible?
This was the spirit of information I was looking for, despite the tangents that took place. Mods, please reunite the threads. Posters, please stay on topic. Thanks!
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Last edited by nycindie; 08-04-2011 at 05:45 PM.
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  #163  
Old 08-04-2011, 05:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Mods, please reunite the threads. Posters, please stay on topic. Thanks!
In my many years of participation in online forums, the general consensus which has emerged about "staying on topic" is this.:

~ Normal conversations in face-to-face settings often tangent and then return to the main thread.

~ This can and should happen in online conversations, just the same.

So while I think it is good to honor the title/thread/topic, it's really up to everyone involved to see to it that a topic stays on course, even while allowing for some tangents here and there. No one or two parties can be blamed if a topic wanders off and gets lost.
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  #164  
Old 08-04-2011, 05:58 PM
NeonKaos NeonKaos is offline
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River, what happened just now was that the thread was split and it had NOT gone off-topic. They have been merged back together and all is right with the world again.
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  #165  
Old 08-04-2011, 07:18 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rory View Post
Weirdly enough, I find it a lot easier to focus when talking on skype, even if I'm not using a webcam. I don't know why that is, though.
Same here, although with several people I can get the same feeling again.
I think Skype is more comfortable because a) I can hear it with both ears and b) I have a physical thing to look at and something to occupy my hands.
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  #166  
Old 08-05-2011, 12:07 AM
Hardison Hardison is offline
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Quote:
I'm in an LDR and skype is a must. While textual communication is nice and really important, some things just aren't well communicated by that only. I notice that I can't emphatise as well if I read about feelings (unless somebody is an exceptionally talented writer), I think the feeling is best communicated in the tone of voice etc. when you're talking.
I can second that. Having been apart from my wife for several months straight, skype is a godsend. Even skype can be a source of misunderstanding with it's strange time lags now and then, but the clear voice and even pixelly video is a lot better than e-mail or international telephone lines.
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  #167  
Old 09-16-2011, 11:37 AM
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I'm 3 weeks into the LDR with Mya (well, technically we've been in LDR the whole time, but now the distance is a lot greater). I've had a few times when I've really missed her A LOT, but otherwise I'm actually surprised at how easy it has been. I had faith that we could do it, but I thought it would be harder, since we got to see each other so often during the summer and got used to it.

It seems both of us have personalities which work for LDR, and our relationship has those kinds of aspects to it, too. I think we have a good balance. Both of us are pretty independent and have many things in our lives we enjoy and that occupy our time. But our relationship is also a priority for both of us, and we gladly make time for each other. Additionally, while physical touch is really important and pleasurable in our relationship, both of us also enjoy talking about all kinds of stuff, and feel that talking reconnects us in a major way. I think that's essential in an LDR.

I'm really glad that I'm able to give very little attention to the distance in comparison to how much our love enrichens my everyday life.
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  #168  
Old 09-16-2011, 08:37 PM
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There are multiple kinds of possible Long Distance Relationship (LDR).

~ (a) LDRs at a smallish distance, say 50-100 miles.

~ (b) LDRs at a great distance, say 500 - 2,000 miles.

~ (c) International LDRs with oceans to cross to visit.

~ (d) LDRs where the people involved met face-to-face and established a relationship in f2f prior to the geographical distance.

~ (e) LDRs where the people involved met online, by mail, or by telephone and developed their relationship in this way prior to meeting f2f.

~ (f) etc.

For the first time in my life I'm experiencing a "romantic interest" LDR of the type
b-&-e. Previously, I've had two strong friendships (not romantic interest) of this type (b-&-e).

We're months into it, and we really like each other a lot. And we're about to finally meet f2f, soon.

Strangely, the fact that this relationship is with a woman, and that the overwhelmingly greater amount of dating/romantic experience I have is with men, is a smaller matter for me than the type b-&-e factor. What I mean is that the type b-&-e factor makes this
more unfamiliar than the "What? River is dating a woman?" factor.

I feel so very, very close with her! Never have I felt so close with a woman. And we definitely do love one another. Yet we have in some sense not officially "met". And yet we are intensely intimate and involved in one another's lives daily.

What analogy? Building a model ship in a bottle, breaking the glass and sailing the ocean? Planting magic beans and growing a vine up into heaven, then climbing?
Nothing seems analogous. This is so familiar and yet so strange.
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  #169  
Old 09-16-2011, 09:08 PM
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^So familiar and so strange seems to be the feeling of a lot of things when exploring new territory, for me too. Poly has felt that way, and also LDR. It's strange, because it's different, yet the connection feels familiar and comfortable and right. Of course, this is also my first relationship with a woman, but our situations are different in that because I make intimate connections easier with women.

Your categories made me smile since, as with many things in life, it seems I can't fit in. I'd say it's both b&c AND something in between of d&e. We got to know each other and became friends via Internet but had no romantic inclinations until I travelled to meet her. Thus, it was an LDR from the beginning, but it was type a for the summer... So there has been a lot of developing the relationship both f2f and via Internet. Gets complicated.
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  #170  
Old 12-29-2011, 03:55 PM
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BigGuy BigGuy is offline
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I am resurrecting this thread because I have a practicality question.

I am in a position where my marriage may need to become an LDR for some length of time (3-5 years). Kids' ages at home age range from 17 to 12.

I am a big believer in family/communal meals. If it does come to pass, I'm considering setting it up to make it as easy as I am practically able, to skype from the dining area. The thought is to coordinate meals so that we'd be eating and skyping at the same time.

Does anybody have experience skyping during a meal? Is it practical, or does the eating get too distracting? Is it too artificial?

Thanks!
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