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Old 12-28-2011, 03:13 AM
bookbug bookbug is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 757

Originally Posted by risingscarlet View Post
Bookbug - I'm so sorry for what you are going through. As I read your story I felt a real connection to you because of my experiences over the last year. I was part of a MFFM quad which was powerfully passionate and eventually exploded brilliantly due to inherent personality clashes. We each contributed our own issues to the mix, and my husband and I discovered some marital issues of our own but one of the most significant problems with the quad was the terrible quality of the other couple's marriage.
I am so sorry to hear that. I'd wondered if quads were possibly more stable given equal number of men and women, but yeah, I can see where an unstable marriage as in your situation would be just as damaging.

Originally Posted by risingscarlet View Post
Over the next months though we began to discover the cracks in their foundation, each of which my husband Jute and I tried to rationalize away because we deeply loved them by then and wanted the poly family of our dreams so badly.
Those pictures we paint for ourselves are truly beautiful, aren't they?

Originally Posted by risingscarlet View Post

I'll avoid the sordid details, but long story short they are divorcing now, and Jute and I were separated for a few weeks, but are now together and happy again.
I'm so glad you were able to reclaim your relationship with Jute. It must have been a very tough period.

Originally Posted by risingscarlet View Post

I would be there for them in a heartbeat if they needed help. I know what you mean about not being unable to 'un love' another.
That is the crux. I keep thinking that this all ought to be fixable since we do love one another. But yes, that is the road to insanity.

Originally Posted by risingscarlet View Post
In my opinion these people need to become your distant friends for your own good. Focus on yourself, and what you've learned from this experience for a while. Throw yourself into a new project or activity. Meet new people, but you don't need to date others if you're not ready to do so. It took me a while to even feel ready to be with my husband again. About 6 months from their exit I have just now began developing a relationship with someone I've known a long time prior. Dating someone brand new at this point is probably beyond my emotional capacity.
I think you're right about me developing new interests, but not worrying about dating yet. It's just too soon. I always want logic to care of these things, but sometimes, it just takes time.

Thanks so much for sharing your story. Hearing others' experiences does help!
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toxic relationships, triad fallout

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