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Old 12-27-2011, 03:53 PM
sevechten sevechten is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 8

Originally Posted by Arrowbound View Post
This is also my husband's POV. I used to see a veto as a way to protect our relationship but now I just see it as an avenue you go down when you become unwilling to do the communicative and emotional work.
Then the problem isn't the veto, it is being unwilling to do the communicative and emotional work.

Originally Posted by rory View Post
I see giving an ultimatum as seeking control whereas expressing extremely hurt feelings and major discomfort is honest. I will do as much as I can to help in the latter case, but I suppose I have a personal hard boundary about not giving anybody power to control my actions.
"I've listened, but I'm going to keep seeing this person" is also an ultimatum of sorts.

Originally Posted by zylya View Post
Assuming a veto arrangement, if you can't trust your partner to not screw you over, then why are you in a relationship with them?
Right. In my particular case, Wife thinks she's OK with me acting on being poly, but can't be sure until it happens, and not completely sure until there's sex. She is much more comfortable with this as an experiment than as an irrevocable change in our relationship. So far it is working well--she has gone far above and beyond mere tolerance of my new girlfriend, they are discussing taking some craft classes together.

Also in my case, Wife didn't ask for veto, it was my suggestion.
Poly in a newly-open poly/mono relationship
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agreements, contracts, control issues, envy, jealous, jealousy, metamour concerns, new to poly, nre, relationship dynamics, relationship issues, secondaries, secondary, sex, veto, veto policy, veto power, vetos

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