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  #21  
Old 12-21-2011, 01:01 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Luna393 View Post


Artist: I don't see why anyone would make a nominal committment to someone if they're just going to bone a bunch of people.

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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post

It seems that he thinks its about the fucking still. Oh dear.
Yeah.

And maybe if you don't want to be seen as "one of the guys," you should grow a set of ovaries, not balls.
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  #22  
Old 12-21-2011, 01:20 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Another term to explore at some point -- commitment. What does commitment mean to him and to you? Why *wouldn't* you make a commitment, nominal or otherwise, to someone even if you were then going to bone other people, perhaps a bunch of them? After all, that's what people in open relationships and swingers do, and it seems to work for many of them.

Is "commitment" exclusivity, focus, promises kept, a shared future? Only the first definition would preclude sex with others, though the second definition could arguably be somewhat compromised by sexual non-monogamy depending on how you conducted yourself.

Though of course, as others have pointed out, poly is not primarily, or sometimes at all, about sex.
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  #23  
Old 12-21-2011, 06:14 PM
Imagination Imagination is offline
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@luna393 "You know though, I didn't think that another person's experience of romantic love could be something that didn't imply deep intimate connection. That's what it has always meant to me, so I didn't even know I was making an assumption (I know making assuptions are terrible for communication)"

Talking of assumptions: I tried to make a date with the lady I had spend the night with and made a fool out of myself. She had said before, that she wanted to meet me by chance another time and not plan anything and I didn't quite take this for granted. Her lifestile is rather "free love" with no responsibilities (except when she is in a mono romantic relationships I suppose), that's at least what I heard. No judgement, this might be the best for her.

A good friend of mine frequently in vague situations takes what people tell him for face value - while joking much of the time himself -. Often people really get confused when he believes what they say and sometimes they mean it (or they are not sure about it) and the same time, they don't expect others to act as if what they say is true. Other times they don't mean what they say, but they don't care, if others believe them or they play games intentionally or they have other reasons, and they want you to believe, that they are a different person than they really are. Many times we don't know or we don't want to know if people say the truth. I think, when we're not sure, it can be a good way just to respond according to the content or to ask if we get it right and see what happens (When people take my friends jokes and irony for granted, he tells them, that his comments were not serious). By the way, with this guy and a (former) girl friend of his, a few years ago I got into a triad which was I guess my closest experience to what one could call a poly relationship. The atmosphere was open and peaceful. I see the tendency, that with really good friends (where there is little competition and much solidarity from the heart) a poly relationship most likely can develop and grow. Taking this into account, luna 393, it certainly might work in your case.

@big guy "More people regret that which they didn't do than that which they did". That's a good point. When I look back on the casual intimacy or rather superficial romances and sex I had, I'd say, some of the communication and the touch and the sex felt good, but how these interrelationships turned out later usually was not so great (sometimes conflicts came up, almost everyone is gone, the contacts mostly broke up, ). I think if I had focused on romantic relationships in the sense of polyamory, I might have had less dates, but more quality and very special time, deeper love and deeper intimacy. What is good or not? It's not a matter of black and white. I love all the experiences I have, even being refused by that lady I was talking about. It is all meaningful, if we want to see it that way. But at the same time, I rather don't want to repeat a set of past decisions, that in the long run didn't get me (us), where I(we) wanted to.

@luna393 Sorry for partly taking over your threat. But I think, it can be a good way, to bring different opinions and situations together, it's all connected. We all learn from each other.

Last edited by Imagination; 12-21-2011 at 06:36 PM.
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  #24  
Old 12-22-2011, 01:10 AM
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Castalia Castalia is offline
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In a conversation between Mad Scientist and Gamerboy, Mad Scientist has said he wants any long term relationship he's in to be nonmonogamous. So at least he's not totally against the idea.
Like you said, any conversations we have had about alternative relationships have all been hypothetical.
I understand what you were saying about the fear of putting yourself out there and possibly risking offending him or loosing the friendship. This is a regular thought of mine too.
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  #25  
Old 12-22-2011, 12:45 PM
Imagination Imagination is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Imagination View Post
Her lifestile is rather "free love" with no responsibilities (except when she is in a mono romantic relationships I suppose), that's at least what I heard. No judgement, this might be the best for her.
That's just an assumption, I might me be totally wrong about her, and I was the one who went away the next day.

@ Castalia: "I understand what you were saying about the fear of putting yourself out there and possibly risking offending him or loosing the friendship."

I think you're really quite clear how you see yourself being polyamourous. Then it is up to others, if they see it in a similar way, you have no control about that and one shouldn't try to convince anyone. But just asking and telling your attitude and your wishes is allright in my opinion. Noone should be offended by that and if that is the case, that person should should do some reflection about her own lovelife.

Through this thread, I also see better, what my real needs are and what I only think (sometimes), that it is good for me. When I'm really sure what I want, I can talk about it more easily.
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  #26  
Old 12-22-2011, 05:13 PM
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Castalia Castalia is offline
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Imagination,
Mad Scientist isn't easily offended. I think I am still overly concerned about the what if's. If I never tell him how I really feel, will I always regret it or will I eventually get over my feelings? If he and I start some sort of relationship and it doesn't work out, than, Gamerboy and I may loose a friend and it will feel like it was my fault. I know this isn't true, but I am in the middle of a pity party.
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  #27  
Old 12-25-2011, 10:08 PM
Imagination Imagination is offline
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Some of the realizations that came from this thread I used for my new blog: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19259
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