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Old 12-25-2011, 08:46 PM
padlina padlina is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Poland
Posts: 4
Default New to poly, need some advice

Hello Everyone.

I am in relationship with my girlfriend since 4 years. I am Polish, she is French, we live most of time together in Poland, but she goes back to France to see friends and family every now and then.
Last summer she fell in love with her friend. She came clear about it a month after she had come back (actually I have found out about it on the evening she was about to tell me, which made it feel worse).
She told me she discovered herself to be poly, I believe that cause before she left we had few talks on the idea and concept of being poly. To give a full image I must admit, that my relationship with her started from a triad including me, my ex and my current gf. So yes I am poly, though I always thought of relationship in which everyone is in relationship with everyone.
I felt cheated on, cause one rule of our relationship was, no sex with people we can fall in love with, this was actually a rule my gf set.

Since over a month now we are trying to work on our relationship. I love my gf, but I have issues with jealousy. I am a needy person when it comes to attention. It was hard times, few times broke up and got together the same or next day. My gf is getting tired of this, and I am not surprised. But she's a great person, she loves me and says she wants to be with me for her life.
She went back to france last week, but she agreed to slow down for a while with her other partner. Thanks to this I was able to see, that my jealousy is not as I thought connected to sex, but to passion that is between them, and which has faded between me and my gf.
I have a huge problem though accepting the fact, that her other partner is not sure if he wants to get involved in the relationship. I fear he's just having fun at the cost of our relationship.
I really want to make our relationship work out.

On one hand I want to know less about them, on the other hand there is some part of me that wants to know what's going on. Should I put myself away from her other relationship, so maybe it would bother me less?

My jealousy is putting a lot of strain on our relationship, is there a way to handle it? What are your experiences with it? There are times, when I am not jealous at all, but there are times I boil inside.
I would be greatful for advice from You.
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Tags
envy, jealous, jealousy, new to poly

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