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  #21  
Old 12-22-2011, 12:45 PM
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Is "romantic" love in fact stronger than "family" love? Would a parent reliably choose the life of their partner over the life of their child?

Poly has not suddenly come along and changed romantic love. The idea of nonmonogamy is far from new, poly is just a more honest and egalitarian way to think about it. And it's a tiny movement -- people are still free to be monogamous and most are (in theory, if you don't count cheating, divorce and remarriage, etc.).

If you knew us and our stories, you would know that we love with the same intensity that monogamous people do, and treat our love as just as special.

Is there anything other than your own theory about how love works that makes you think that poly love is less special? Have you ever known a poly person personally or been in a poly relationship? I'm still very curious and don't feel as if my question had been answered in terms of what brought you here. Did you just read about poly somewhere and decide to put in your two cents?
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  #22  
Old 12-22-2011, 01:13 PM
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I have romantic love for both of my partners. That is why I would have a very hard time with that rule. I want to be intimate in all ways with both my partners.
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  #23  
Old 12-22-2011, 01:55 PM
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Red Pepper,

Do you really have a restriction that you can't kiss Leo but you can have sex with him? That was what I understood the original poster was saying, that she'd be okay with sex but not okay with kissing. That's totally different than what you've described your relationship with Leo to be.
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  #24  
Old 12-23-2011, 08:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Hannahfluke View Post
Red Pepper,

Do you really have a restriction that you can't kiss Leo but you can have sex with him? That was what I understood the original poster was saying, that she'd be okay with sex but not okay with kissing. That's totally different than what you've described your relationship with Leo to be.
Yeah, her situation is a little different than that LOL! She wishes

In all honesty I think agreements, rules, compromises or whatever are great for a certain amount of time. But even needing to have them means someone is holding back and that is no way to live in the long term. What's more important is knowing what we need and understanding the impact and possible costs of achieving them. If everyone goes into situations with that in mind then no one should be surprised. The biggest failing I see around these types of things is one partner wanting change and not being willing to accept that other change will likely occur.


From my perspective as a Mono...if you are going to sign off on your partner's desire to be physically intimate in any way, kissing, cuddling or whatever, you may as well accept the idea that you are saying ok to any form of intimate expression including all of the above and good old fashion screwing. Your just putting off the inevitable to say "you can do this, but not this"....we're all adults, adults don't "make out" like kids, we use every part of our bodies in whatever way we can.

Is your partner aware of possible changes if this boundary or rule is broken? Will he accept that possibility?
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Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 12-23-2011 at 08:40 AM.
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  #25  
Old 12-23-2011, 05:04 PM
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By your logic, if your partner has ever kissed anyone but you then there is less "special" left for you. So, unless we can assume you did met somewhere in elementary school and have been steadfastly monogamous ever since, the notion that someone's romantic gestures toward others somehow robs you of specialness dictates that your specialness was already in the red at the onset of the relationship.
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  #26  
Old 12-23-2011, 07:14 PM
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Originally Posted by AntiPoly View Post
Glad to see I'm not the only one who views kissing as more sacred and intimate than sex. I thought I was a weirdo lol. As for why I am anti-poly, I am anti-poly because I believe it denotes romantic love and takes away the "specialness of it" what made romantic love stronger than any other type of love was precisely because it was reserved just for one person. Now with this whole Poly thing, people are making romantic love on the same level as platonic and family love and I just hate that there's no longer a "special" love anymore.

Also to everyone else that was wondering, I am no troll, I am just genuinely curious on this topic.
OK, so i have multiple loves. Each one is unique and special to me. That is the joy of being Poly. I have come to realize just how much this can be a good thing, There is no way that loving another takes away from the other, in fact I have found quite the opposite. "Romantic" love is not finite, and I am enjoying it with both of my current lovers (My wife and my GF). As far as kissing goes, with both of them its special to me. they kiss differently and thats also special to me. in fact they do everything sexually differently. but thats a whole nother story.
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  #27  
Old 12-24-2011, 02:01 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AntiPoly View Post
As for why I am anti-poly, I am anti-poly because I believe it denotes romantic love and takes away the "specialness of it" what made romantic love stronger than any other type of love was precisely because it was reserved just for one person. Now with this whole Poly thing, people are making romantic love on the same level as platonic and family love and I just hate that there's no longer a "special" love anymore.
So you would put your version of what you believe to be true on everyone else, just because of how YOU feel. How is that fair? We are all different, diverse, this is what makes for peoples uniqueness. That is a good thing to me. We need to be different and diverse. The goal for me is to be just who I am and that is a person who loves tremendously and is abundant in love.

My love spreads beyond the confines of one person. Yours doesn't. Nice to meet you now lets chat about something else. End of story. Why the concern about it? Is is confusion? Did you think that everyone was like you? I'm not trying to be a troll either, I genuinely want to know because if you can let go of whatever attachment you have to being right about this then I suspect it might not bug you so much that other people don't think like you. Just a thought.

For the record, I don't love my family like I do my partners. EWWWWWW. BLah. Yup, nope.
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  #28  
Old 12-24-2011, 03:23 AM
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Frankly I expect him to kiss his OSO. Sure, they can be intimate in other ways but usually kissing is how it starts. The fact is, he's going to want to. Not allowing the space, imo, is basically like telling him to not bother having sex with her either.

I mean.........it's just not fair. Or realistic.
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  #29  
Old 12-25-2011, 02:52 AM
AntiPoly AntiPoly is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
So you would put your version of what you believe to be true on everyone else, just because of how YOU feel. How is that fair? We are all different, diverse, this is what makes for peoples uniqueness. That is a good thing to me. We need to be different and diverse. The goal for me is to be just who I am and that is a person who loves tremendously and is abundant in love.

My love spreads beyond the confines of one person. Yours doesn't. Nice to meet you now lets chat about something else. End of story. Why the concern about it? Is is confusion? Did you think that everyone was like you? I'm not trying to be a troll either, I genuinely want to know because if you can let go of whatever attachment you have to being right about this then I suspect it might not bug you so much that other people don't think like you. Just a thought.

For the record, I don't love my family like I do my partners. EWWWWWW. BLah. Yup, nope.
Hmm I suppose you have a point... I'm actually more worried about Poly taking over and becoming the mainstream instead of monogamy. And before you know it the whole definition of romantic love will be changed and will be be just like platonic love.
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  #30  
Old 12-25-2011, 02:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AntiPoly View Post
Hmm I suppose you have a point... I'm actually more worried about Poly taking over and becoming the mainstream instead of monogamy. And before you know it the whole definition of romantic love will be changed and will be be just like platonic love.
I don't think we're at any risk of poly becoming mainstream anytime soon. For most people monogamy just proves to be a simpler way of living even if they are capable in their hearts of loving more than one.
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