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  #11  
Old 12-24-2011, 01:49 AM
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Commitment is about foundations for me. It's about people mutually applying themselves to achieve or build something. It means they will they weather failures with the same unity they celebrate the successes. It's about a level of trust that provides safety and comfort to take on other challenges knowing someone will be there to support you. This could be as deep as having children or as surface as simply having someone to always talk to. I also see commitment as carrying certain obligations.

I'll admit that I see people who get married as more committed then those who aren't. I think that is why I believe in relationship hierarchies. The married people always seem more committed and much more resilient than additional relationships.
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  #12  
Old 12-24-2011, 02:05 AM
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Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
I'll admit that I see people who get married as more committed then those who aren't. I think that is why I believe in relationship hierarchies. The married people always seem more committed and much more resilient than additional relationships.
Nice baby. This from a man that is not likely going to divorce his wife (who he has been separated from for almost four years now) and marry me. Why? Because he did it once already and doesn't feel the need to do that again. So I am more committed to you? Hm.... ponder
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Old 12-24-2011, 03:16 AM
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Originally Posted by kamala View Post
I've recently decided that commitment looks to me like choosing someone, really knowing and wanting them. When I'm in a committed head-space, I don't have ideas of forever after, but I have the sense that I am working together with a loved one towards something quality, something that is worth the effort, and something that I invest in because it's evident to me that it will be valuable as a long term endeavor...

I have had trouble committing to people before because for me, the sense of trust was tied up with it... security, understanding... they all blend together into knowing that your partner is there and really strongly wanting to be there yourself in the same way.

I suppose the crux is intention. I've had lots of cool people in my life that were accidental, experimental, just out of consciousness somehow... but the real relationships, the committed ones, felt more deliberate somehow.
Definitely closest to my own personal definition. Love it.
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Old 12-24-2011, 08:32 AM
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Back in June, I posted my take on commitment in another thread:
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... when I think of the word "commitment" I think of people aligning themselves toward the same goal. Basically, it's like a contract or agreement, and the commitment will mean whatever the people involved want it to mean, depending on what they're committing to.

They can be in an open relationship and committed to honesty and safer sex; they can be poly-fi and committed to being faithful to each other; they can be monogamous and committed to growing old together. Of course, these are just a few scenarios off the top of my head, but you get the idea. It can be any combination of whatever the people want. But I do think progression toward deeper understanding and knowledge of each other, and self-growth, is a part of being committed.

I think that, simply, the act of committing to/with someone is a form of allegiance and a promise to work toward something and support each other in that endeavor.
I should add that, of course, commitment is definitely much more than a promise. The important part of the contract is following through on your commitment and doing what you say you are committed to do.

As far as who you make commitments with, and how you choose the people you want to commit to, I think it naturally comes out of the discovery of mutual desires and goals. When people are in sync with what they want (which may or may not be the same thing but could just fit together very nicely), a commitment flows out of that alignment with each other. And sometimes the commitments are unspoken but clearly understood.
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Old 12-24-2011, 07:48 PM
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Hey NYC, what is the link on that? Was it another thread on this topic?
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Old 12-24-2011, 11:09 PM
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Hey NYC, what is the link on that? Was it another thread on this topic?
It was a tangential discussion on someone's thread. I had mentioned commitment and actually it was Mono who asked me to elaborate on what that meant for me. So the quote I included here was my answer to him.
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