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Old 12-22-2011, 07:44 PM
laz0rama laz0rama is offline
New Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: rural northern new mexico
Posts: 2
Default not quite new, but finally having to deal

hi all,

i am not new to polyamory, at least in theory. i have done much reading and discussing of it, mostly many years ago. i am 51 years old.

10 years ago, i got into an extremely intense and incredible relationship with a poly woman. i should mention that before that i had only been in monogamous relationships. we are still hanging out, as involved and in love as ever. thing is, neither of us has, in the entire 10 years we've been together, actually met anyone we really wanted to get involved with. and so in practice, our relationship has been open but not actively poly.

well, someone we recently met turns out to be someone she thinks she wants to get involved with. i know the guy is interested in her, and knows about our relationship and that we are not monogamous, and he is being completely respectful.

the problem is, this situation has awakened in me the most intense feelings of fear, paranoia, abandonment, mistrust, etc. it has spun me into an intense depression, and i am actually having trouble functioning.

the easy answer might be that i am simply not capable of being in a non-monogamous relationship. but i am not going to go there too quickly. i am trying so hard to delve into where these feelings are coming from, so far completely unsuccessfully. i am an anarchist, as is she, and so each of us remaining as free as possible (in this fucked up world) is very important to us. i am not free, but in this context my prison is the cop in my head that have yet to fully identify. i am trying so hard.

i have no money for a therapist, and so i am somewhat blindly seeking support from any sources i can find that are not confined to traditional views on relationships.

if anyone here is, or can suggest someone that is, in the taos, new mexico area and open to talking with me about this, i would love to maybe get together for coffee or something.

thanks in advance. and any comments or suggestions here would be welcome as well.

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