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  #11  
Old 12-20-2011, 07:33 PM
Luna393 Luna393 is offline
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That sounds about right, Imagination. To think that people all over could be happily sharing their mate to further and heighten their love and enjoyment is too open minded to ask for, lol. Just a subtle shift in thought though...

I am afraid to ask him, but I will as soon as I can get the balls to. I feel like I'm goint to have a heart attack everytime I talk to him about polyamory.
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  #12  
Old 12-20-2011, 08:30 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Luna393 View Post
Hello Everyone!
Artist states that he believes that he has this ability as well but that he doesn't believe that nonmanogamy work with his principals in life. So I have to respect the boundaries of a man I love, right? But was that a boundary? Would it be a breach of this boundary to attempt to discuss nonmanogamy further?
I'm unclear on this. Did you mean principals or principles? I'm not trying to be a spelling Nazi, just that the two have wildly different implication for any poly conversation with him.
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  #13  
Old 12-20-2011, 08:38 PM
Luna393 Luna393 is offline
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SoCalExile, I think he meant principles as in personal principles that restrict one from behaving badly.

...I'm wondering what else it could mean?
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  #14  
Old 12-20-2011, 08:56 PM
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I was thinking "principals" as in "the principal people in his life" but I'm just some weirdo on the Internet who wasn't privy to the actual conversation and therefore am addressing this completely devoid of context and haven't had any coffee yet and WHERE did I put that sixth cup of spiked eggnog?

That's what I was thinking, anyway.
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  #15  
Old 12-20-2011, 09:16 PM
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I am in a similar position. I am in love with a good friend too(Mad Scientist). Mad Scientist and my partner (Gamerboy) have been friends since elementary school. All three of us have been hanging out regularly for two years now, and in that time, Mad Scientist and I have become good friends. It wasn't until early this year that Gamerboy pointed out that it seemed like a lot more than friendship, (we're both poly).
I am still trying, unsuccessfully, to deal with those feelings. Mad Scientist is aware that we're poly but I have yet to be forthcoming about my feelings for him. After an frustrating miscommunication on Friday, we talked and he said he didn't know he was allowed to see me as anything other than "one of the boys."
I didn't tell him I had feelings for him but did say that more was bothering me than I was letting on. The conversation probably left us both confused and with food for thought. Long story short, I can relate and if you want to talk about it, I'm here.
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  #16  
Old 12-20-2011, 09:25 PM
Imagination Imagination is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Luna393 View Post
I am afraid to ask him, but I will as soon as I can get the balls to. I feel like I'm goint to have a heart attack everytime I talk to him about polyamory.
(I'm not in a relationship) Everytime I get close to someone, it is a big problem for me to address the subject of polyamory.

You're certainly not the only one with that fear to talk out freely and it feels good to hear, that I'm not the only one. Now I feel more easy about it. And your threat has got me more focused on what I don't want and on what I want and desire, on what polyamory means to me (Actually I was kind of lost recently, I was rather looking for contact and not thinking so much in terms of a - romantic - relationship).

A Situation, where I didn't talk about being polyamorous: Not long ago a friend invited me to stay in her bed and we didn't make love, because I was kind of hesitant, I guess. It felt very good, anyways, but I kind of regreted not having gotten more intimate with her. Yet now I'm happy that I can or might get to know her better before we might get more intimate with each other. I'm not even sure if she likes me or if it meant anything to her.

Last edited by Imagination; 12-20-2011 at 09:50 PM.
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  #17  
Old 12-21-2011, 03:38 AM
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  #18  
Old 12-21-2011, 05:46 AM
Luna393 Luna393 is offline
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Quote:
SoCalExile wrote: I was thinking "principals" as in "the principal people in his life" but I'm just some weirdo on the Internet who wasn't privy to the actual conversation and therefore am addressing this completely devoid of context and haven't had any coffee yet and WHERE did I put that sixth cup of spiked eggnog?

That's what I was thinking, anyway.
Lol, SoCal! Thank you for sharing! I hope you found your eggnog

Quote:
Castalia wrote: I am in a similar position. I am in love with a good friend too(Mad Scientist). Mad Scientist and my partner (Gamerboy) have been friends since elementary school. All three of us have been hanging out regularly for two years now, and in that time, Mad Scientist and I have become good friends. It wasn't until early this year that Gamerboy pointed out that it seemed like a lot more than friendship, (we're both poly).
I am still trying, unsuccessfully, to deal with those feelings. Mad Scientist is aware that we're poly but I have yet to be forthcoming about my feelings for him. After an frustrating miscommunication on Friday, we talked and he said he didn't know he was allowed to see me as anything other than "one of the boys."
I didn't tell him I had feelings for him but did say that more was bothering me than I was letting on. The conversation probably left us both confused and with food for thought. Long story short, I can relate and if you want to talk about it, I'm here.
I'm sorry to hear about your frustration. I think that feelings of frustration goes with the territory though. Miscommunications as well. Lately, the way that I have been talking to Artist about polyamory has been a bit hypothetical and less personal than it should be. It is so hard to put yourself out there completely. I wish I could just say exactly what I think and feel, but I'm hung up on the fear that I will offend him or that... I don't even know, I will be vulnerable maybe. But the miscommunications have come from me beating around the bush.

The thought of a man seeing me as a wife to someone else and therefore completely unavailable and just one of the guys has crossed my mind more than once. I think that maybe after some time Mad Scientist may be able to see you in a different light.

Quote:
Imagination wrote: (I'm not in a relationship) Everytime I get close to someone, it is a big problem for me to address the subject of polyamory.

You're certainly not the only one with that fear to talk out freely and it feels good to hear, that I'm not the only one. Now I feel more easy about it. And your threat has got me more focused on what I don't want and on what I want and desire, on what polyamory means to me (Actually I was kind of lost recently, I was rather looking for contact and not thinking so much in terms of a - romantic - relationship).

A Situation, where I didn't talk about being polyamorous: Not long ago a friend invited me to stay in her bed and we didn't make love, because I was kind of hesitant, I guess. It felt very good, anyways, but I kind of regreted not having gotten more intimate with her. Yet now I'm happy that I can or might get to know her better before we might get more intimate with each other. I'm not even sure if she likes me or if it meant anything to her.
Thank you so much for your replies Imagination, they've given me a lot to think about. I'm glad that you may have an opportunity to get to know your gal better and be more forthright with her. Maybe we can try to be more open about our beliefs to our loves together... and if she let you in her bed, to sleep or otherwise, I would think that she at least likes you.

I am really appreciative of the attention that I have received here. I think I really needed it. So I grew at least half a ball... enough to ask Artist what his opposition to nonmonogamy was today and it went like this:

ME: So how does nonmonogamy oppose your personal principles?

Artist: I don't see why anyone would make a nominal committment to someone if they're just going to bone a bunch of people. But don't get me wrong, to me nonmonogamy isn't the same as casual sex with multiple partners. The nominal committment is the crux of the objection.

ME: It is possible for some people to be committed to a relationship and a person that allows for one or both partners to be nonmonogamous where all present consent to the presence of everyone else. I'm sure it's a rocky road, but with compersion and compassion in mind I think some people can do it and fulfill their committments.

Artist: Some people probably do.


... and that's all the ball I had. I will have to grow more for another day. So not very conclusive for me because I failed, again, to say what I want and what MY situation is and *sigh*
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  #19  
Old 12-21-2011, 07:08 AM
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I haven't read the other posts so sorry if there is a repeat in mine. I would wonder what he means by love? It he's thinking that he can "love" many women for a moment or two or every now and then or is he deeply connected to the women he has relationships with and wants full on relationships in a more traditional?

What do you want? Do you want a commitment of some kind that indicates his connection with you or are you okay with things the way they are with sex added to the mix. It sounds like there is much more to discuss that just asking him if he wants to start something with you.

Ah,,,, just read more. It seems that he thinks its about the fucking still. Oh dear.
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Last edited by redpepper; 12-21-2011 at 07:10 AM.
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  #20  
Old 12-21-2011, 12:57 PM
Luna393 Luna393 is offline
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Redpepper, I want a romantic relationship with him that can grow to sexual intimacy. He said before that he, "believes in polyamory in the strictest literal definition in that one can experience romantic love for more than one person." You know though, I didn't think that another person's experience of romantic love could be something that didn't imply deep intimate connection. That's what it has always meant to me, so I didn't even know I was making an assumption (I know making assuptions are terrible for communication).
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