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Old 12-20-2011, 12:54 AM
rationalistguy rationalistguy is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1
Default Possible move into poly

Hello!

I have been looking around the forum after some recent events in my life and I'm eager to discuss them with a sympathetic audience, which I probably don't need to tell most of you is not easy to find when discussing poly in the wider world. Also apologies for any oddly placed words anyone spots, I'm typing this on a phone with auto-fill and I might miss something.

For some background, I am a mid twenties male, married with two kids and overall very happy with my home life. I've been aware of poly since my teens, when I explored the internet in great detail. I have always felt that poly just makes sense, logically and, to me, emotionally.

I have never been in a poly relationship before but I have the fortune to be married to a wonderful women who.shares my desire to keep jealousy as far from our marriage as it can get, and who is, like me, not inclined to feel jealous. We have both happily and willingly flirted as much as we like.

My wife recently started a new job and has met a new group of people as a result. On a recent night out with her new colleagues my wife became friendly with a guy she works with (who I have met a couple of times) and some very heavy petting took place. If it had been practical, she tells me they would have certainly gone all the way.

I have previously made it clear to her that I don't have any objection to her being intimate with other people so, although it was a surprise, I am very happy to find that I feel no jealousy. In fact, my overriding emotion is one of happiness for her having found someone to share a fulfilling experience with. She has made it clear she would like to continue things with this other guy and I am more than happy for her to do so. In fact,
I feel somewhat excited myself as if it was me that had clicked with someone and I'm actually hopeful she'll get more out of this.

Unfortunately it isn't likely to be as idyllic as my head would picture it. Firstly, the other guy doesn't know that I know and my wife is not sure he'd be comfortable around me if he did know I knew (which is important as we all work in the same building). He is likely to be more comfortable (oddly) if he thinks my wife is seeing him behind my back. I don't particularly mind either way but hoped someone with experience could share some wisdom.

Secondly he is in a mono relationship with someone. Whilst he, my wife and I may all be happy with the situation there is still the possibility that someone might get hurt and even though I've never met her, and it is his relationship, some advice from experienced polys would be once again welcome on what if anything I should do/say.

I'm a little elated at the moment as I have always felt naturally hardwired for poly but with a small fear my brain would betray me in the event of my partner being involved with someone else and bombard me with jealousy, which simply hasn't arrived. I like a lot this feeling of excitement and happiness on her behalf, which is something that struck me as appealing about the idea of poly from the start.

Any comments or advice as my marriage moves into this new stage are greatly appreciated.
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affairs, cheating, jealousy, starting out

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