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Old 12-19-2011, 08:18 PM
Butternut Butternut is offline
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: Europe/Australia
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Hey STBF,

I'm a long time lurker here and happy that way but I found this thread really interesting so I wanted to chime in.

I recently left a long term relationship, and even though it 'only' lasted just over four years and we don't have kids it was a really tough decision to make, just because it was such a good, healthy, balanced and supporting relationship which helped me grow as a person and get rid of lots of bullshit from the past.

Knowing myself to be somewhat impulsive, I decided to give it 9 months to make sure I wasn't just acting on a whim. After this time, we broke up. It wasn't easier because I waited this time. Actually, it was worse, because, why drag it out? It was painful as it was, already. However, I am now grateful for having had the strength to wait because I doubt I would have had the piece of mind I do now had I left earlier.

The general consensus here seems to be that one shouldn't leave a functional relationship. But why not? You obviously feel that you need to grow and explore yourself in dimensions that are incompatible with your current relaionships, for whatever reason. If this feels more important to you than maintaining these relationships, I'd say go for it. You seem to be aware of the risk that there might be no turning back once you leave but that's life, isn't it?

The way your posts are worded, it seems to me that in your heart, you already know what you want to do (leave) but are struggling with feelings of guilt and the knowledge that even if leaving turns out to be 'the right thing' to do, it will be painful, whether you do it now, or at a later 'better' moment...

And of course I could be wrong, in the end only you can know what you really want but until you do, don't beat yourself up for feeling what you feel, feelings are neither right nor wrong, they just are.
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