Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Poly Relationships Corner


Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-17-2011, 03:58 PM
korsakow korsakow is offline
New Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 2
Default cold water fear


i am in doubt what to do with my situation
i have a perfect relation for 21 years now with my wonderfull girlfriend(41)
for 2 years now i am in love with a young friend of mine,who is 21
2 weeks ago she told me the feeling is mutual
my girlfriend is totally in the know of all this because i have been 100 %
honest about my feelings
and as my young friend is a friend of our family,she informed my
girlfriend herself about the feelings she has for me
i speculated on this to happen in the last months and my girlfriend was very supportif
she is monogamous herself but she is open minded and not into creating b arriers for me although i feel that she is wondering what this all
will mean to her position
its new for all three of us

i love these 2 women equally
like you love your children equally

yesterday i saw my young friend for the first time since her "coming out"
i see her 2 times a month for 2 years now,but this time was very different
i have felt the attraction in the last 2 or 3 tete a tete's but this time
there was firework all over the place
took her to the movie(the artist,maybe a bit to romantic ),we had a nice dinner
we must have given light in the dark,people where staring at us

we discussed what to do with our attraction
that not giving in to it is like dancing on a vulcano
but i couldnt kiss her
i got nervous and was in a hurry to get away
i only managed to give her a very quick kiss
i wonder if its fear for dissapointment(she feels like a twin soul to me,even my
girlfriend used this comparison)
or if its to soon
for me
for my girlfriend
maybee i feel as if its the age difference (24 years)
as if i'm a dirty old man
or it feels like cheating,which i'm certainly not
or that all this is to good to be true and i'm waiting for someone to pinch me awake
its so strange to see that i am choking
am i afraid that maybe the sexual component will start to get me out of my current equilibrium?
that i wonder where all this will end
because its growing and growing and i am not sure if things wont get out of hand
in holland we call this cold water fear
i think you know what i mean by now
i would like to hear the opinion and/or experience
from members of this forum
Reply With Quote
Old 12-17-2011, 10:12 PM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

Hi there!

I think its very natural and normal to be nervous. Congratulations to you for your honesty with your girlfriend. It sounds like both of these women are great people and that everyone has been responsible, caring, and adult about this.

There's no need to rush things. Continue to take your friend out on dates and see what happens. You don't need to rush into sex if it feels threatening, and in fact waiting can make it all the more enjoyable in the end.

As for wanting to read the experiences of others, try the Life Stories and Blogs section of this site.

You may also find useful ideas at www.morethantwo.com, which is a website of essays about polyamory organized by topic.

Good luck!
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Reply With Quote
Old 12-18-2011, 12:43 AM
korsakow korsakow is offline
New Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 2

hi annabel

thx for your remarks and the link you posted
and you're right:these 2 women are wonderfull indeed!
Reply With Quote
Old 12-18-2011, 08:02 AM
SchrodingersCat's Avatar
SchrodingersCat SchrodingersCat is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,448

Sometimes it's easiest to stop over-thinking and over-analyzing, and just let things happen.

It sounds like there's good communication all around, lots of support and empathy, so there's no reason this won't all work out for the best, given its own time and space to grow naturally.

Regarding the age difference: Way to go! I personally think age differences are over-rated. As long as everyone is sexually mature and consenting, then it's all good. A lot of women prefer the experience and wisdom of older guys. And needless to say, younger women have that magical youthfulness that is inevitably lost with maturity and wisdom. I like older partners, and I'll take wisdom and experience over tight skin and perky tits any day, but that's just me :P
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 04:26 PM.