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Old 12-05-2011, 07:12 AM
Critter Critter is offline
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 15

My husband's father would have loved this conversation. He was different in many ways... he was also a great conversationalist. I miss him very much .. as does my husband. We havent told his mother or step mother. I told my mother very early on. Devo told her mother. They are both fine with it. Devo's mom has liked me since college, and the three of us just recently ran a half marathon. It was nice that she knew "who" I was.

My mother asks about Devo .. but thats about it. She has been to my house a few times, but never as who she is now .... that will change this summer. (Help me)
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Old 12-05-2011, 09:43 AM
bassman bassman is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Surrey UK
Posts: 475

Originally Posted by Xared View Post

My dad is the kind of person that has a perception based on the ideal that "there's a way things should be, because that's just simply the way it is." And yes, he's a big fan of Fox News.
Lol - I cant stop laughing at this ! classic!

On the sad side, most of my wife's friends are like this and it gives me pain
Male M, struggling noob.
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Old 12-05-2011, 12:29 PM
hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 451

Originally Posted by Xared View Post
My dad is the kind of person that has a perception based on the ideal that "there's a way things should be, because that's just simply the way it is." And yes, he's a big fan of Fox News.
This is why I won't tell my parents, and certainly not my siblings. I have that luxury, in a way, since they all live 700 miles away.

My father talks about "the program", as in "you have to follow the program" or "get with the program." (He's an engineer, through and through.) He once actually said that the program specifies never sticking your penis in someone you're not married to.

(I know, really classy, that.)

My mother would find some state just on the far side of heartbreak. Before we were married, or even thinking of getting married, my honey and I moved into an apartment together. When I told my parents, on the phone, my mother cried, and demanded to know, "Where's the moral young man we raised??"

(Um, I said, right here! I take responsibility for my choices.)

When we visited my family, a few months later, my parents wouldn't let us sleep in the same bed under their roof . . . so we went to stay with my grandparents, which caused lots of spluttering outrage on my parents' part.

In talking about it all with my grandparents, my grandmother - gracious, how I miss her! - actually said, of her own daughter, "Well, your mother's just old fashioned that way."

We clouded the issue by getting engaged a few months later, so my parents believe we are safely conventional . . . though I think my parents have their doubts about my wife.

My maternal grandparents I might have been able to tell, and maybe one or two of my cousins. My grandpa was on old, dyed-in-the-wool labor socialist at heart, and an atheist to boot. He was fiercely loyal to his family, but accepted all our differences as part of that loyalty.

As for my siblings, well, my oldest brother refuses to watch Fox News because he can't stand its liberal bias.

Him I would tell only if I wanted him never to speak to me, or even acknowledge my existence, again.

Hmmm. There's an idea . . .
the cake is a lie

Last edited by hyperskeptic; 12-05-2011 at 12:31 PM. Reason: clarity
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Old 12-09-2011, 06:18 AM
Fiona Fiona is offline
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 57

We have friends who know; they know mine and my husband's partners, and are fine with it. We have friends who know, but are sort of uncomfortable with the idea, so we don't talk about it much. My sister is pretty accepting and knows everything; our parents know nothing, and it's doubtful that they ever will. Telling them would be far more trouble than it's worth! There are some things that they just don't need to know.
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Old 12-16-2011, 07:39 PM
happytimeskatie happytimeskatie is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Champaign, IL
Posts: 6

In terms of telling my parents, I want to echo what some others have said. I would not tell them unless we were in a committed, stable relationship for at least a year. No need to ruffle their feathers unnecessarily, especially since telling my mother that I was bisexual resulted in her suggesting, "It's just a phase. Don't worry, you'll grow out of it once you get a little more experienced with life."

I have tested my mother out by bringing up polygamy and polyamory in general and gauging her opinions through her comments. Seems she is quite opposed to the idea that anyone could ever love two people equally or to the same degree. I think she is the "one true love" kind of person, and having another person ruins the supposed "magic" of a partnership.

My father is very unlikely to accept anything so radical. He often makes homosexual jokes about his friends as derogatory remarks, so I have never told him about being bisexual and probably never will unless, like I said, we get into a committed, stable relationship with someone who will come with us to holidays, live with us, etc.

Regardless of how my family feels about it, I have many loving friends who are either part of the poly community or just really great open minded people who love me just the way I am. Even if I can't talk to my family about it and share our relationship experiences and the ups and downs of a poly lifestyle with them, I still have that wonderful "true" family of friends who will lend an ear when things are exciting or have gone sour.

I think that is really what telling your family is about anyway, having someone accepting who will listen and offer advice/support when you need it. If you can find that outside of your parents, it is my opinion that you don't need to tell them, especially if it would just add stress or tension to your family life.
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coming out

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