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Old 12-14-2011, 01:25 AM
kissman kissman is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: so. tx
Posts: 5
Default i need advice from the experience / repost

Hi, I've been married for 20 yrs.+ and just about three yrs.ago we were in a relationship with another woman that I've known since h.s.(86') this was our first experience with another

.My wife and i have been discussing having a S.O.but who?? then about three yrs.ago i was looking for old classmates on a website and a old friend found me,so we started talking to each other and catching up with our lives,you see before i got married we had history together

.i got married and she moved out of state and we began our separate lives,i had a family and a good career and she became a mom too.i told my wife about her and said it was cool.so one night having dinner i asked my wife about her and being with us that maybe she would consider being in a three way relationship

.So she came down to visit her family and myself,we quickly started having feelings surface again.so the time she stayed we had that lost love we shared.So talking long distance was rough missing each other.till she got a opportunity to move back home and be closer to her fam.and with me

.I ask my wife again that she would be the one for us just because i had history with her and my wife said that i should asked her,So all three of us had dinner and talked about our passed and then dinner was over i asked my ex the big question.she was excited about the idea and if it was ok with my wife,my wife advise us to date first to get to know all of us and it work.So about three months into it i gave her a ring almost an engagement ring and she love it.

i told her that this ring is a symbol of my commitment,trust and love for her that i would not be with any body else only my wife and ex now my S.O. now we began our new life and its was great having breakfast,shopping,movies etc..but things started to change in my S.O. She cheated on me with her ex and denied it. i had to ask him if they did anything and he told me what they did,he asked why and i told that i was in a triad marriage and he was shocked,not at the idea but that she didnt mention that she was with anybody or seeing anybody,so he befriended her and apologized to me

,he didnt have to just because we know each other since 4 grade.i was devastated but i forgave her because we all need a second chance in our mistakes,she asked for forgiveness and we did,My S.O.ask me what to you expect from me? my wife told her to, to love me (us) to take care of me as a wife should to her husband and to respect us,she said she can do it,then my wife asked her if this is what she wants and can she handle this several times and she said YES.

so within the third year of our marriage alot of have happen,not being where your suppose to be,going out of town late in evening and coming back early.my wife had her suspicions on some of her stories or excuses, she says its women intuitions and men have blinders on,well my wife was right,she cheated on me again withe another guy.one night i called her and then text her...nothing,nothing so i thought the worse that she was hurt or worse

,i check her place and nothing,i waited till 7 am no sleep,so one last chance i send her a text that i guess she found another fuck buddy,then she finally reply ed back to me saying she had an emergency work related b.s another lie,so i ended it and she didnt even fight or argue that i was wrong or something,nothing, she gave me a ring too and i gave it back to her.no crying or sorrow NOTHING so it only shows that she was cheating on me,So i ended it there

im still hurting in side and my wife is pissed at her,we shared so much in those three yrs.music movies and being intimate with each other and all three of us,i do break down from time to time.was it real or not, my wife says if i was wrong she should have put some kind of fight that she had nothing going on but all she did was nothing but said she was done

she gave up .she said that we were meant to be together and that the man up stairs put us together.i know that things happen for a reason im a firm believer in that,so this happen to be a good reason that it lasted,i wonder if she thinks of me cause i surely do.i try to hide it but my wife sees it right through me.

thanks for yalls time,i do appreciate your in put and advice being this my first time experience. Kissman from so.tx.
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Old 12-14-2011, 02:31 AM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

People aren't always who you think they are, and if in the end she couldn't be honest, well, that's a shame but it's a common enough story in both mono and poly relationships, and it doesn't mean that what you two had wasn't real. The only thing to do is soldier on, accept your sorrow, let your wife support you, and heal over time.

Was there ever any talk of opening things up so that she could openly see other people and not have to sneak around, or was that not an option?
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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Old 12-15-2011, 04:55 AM
kissman kissman is offline
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: so. tx
Posts: 5

that's what wife says that in time i should heal,she's my rock,but having other guys in her life..no. she said theres only me and it's only been me,t's like all the stuff we did went down in the drain.
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