redpepper
Active member
I wouldn't be a big fan of not being out though. I would hate being someone's partner, yet being known just as a friend. It's not the truth and I hate lies. =P
I think if you were out to her [and she was accepting of it], perhaps you would be at ease around her.
I got this quote from another thread and I thought it perhaps warranted some discussion.
I had not thought of my lack of need to "come out" as a possible lie or untruth. I don't see it that way. I come out when I am comfortable to do so and when the moment arises. I don't attach comfort to people knowing me in such a way. I guess I am a person that prefers to remain a mystery until such time as I trust enough or feel its necessary to the situation to reveal something of myself. That isn't a lie to me, it isn't an untruth, its privacy.
The other thought I had about this is that who am I actually serving when I come out? I am not serving the person I come out to. I am serving myself. That person doesn't necessarily want to know stuff about me. They might be happily unaware and uncaring of what I do in my private life. When I come out to them it means they then have cause to get in deeper with me. Connect more. To me it could be considered a selfish act to give information about myself.
Okay, so having said that. I realize that we all tell our story as a way to connect in the world. Its important and if we want to fit in, feel part of something and be accepted then ya, we need to tell our story. I have come to realize though that divulging personal information is an option, not a right, or a demand we place on ourselves because I some how owe people. I don't owe my parents the rights to my personal information about my life for example.
I can feel like I fit in because I decide to, not because people know my life story in great detail or any detail at all. To me that is part of having a healthy approach and respect of myself and others boundaries. Funny thing is that I generally tell my story a lot! I guess that makes me selfish.
thoughts?