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  #1121  
Old 10-19-2011, 12:33 PM
inlovewith2 inlovewith2 is offline
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Default Hardly ever post but wanted to share this success(es)

This past year has been one of many ups and downs as we have been incorporating ML, DW's girlfriend into our family. Most of the downs have resulted from outside issues (ML's mom being diagnosed with cancer and treatments now being declined by her, issues with my family, my break-ups).

July was really tough, as my then boyfriend ended our relationship because he could no longer handle the jealousy in his primary relationship. DW observed that this seemed like the hardest break-up because there was nothing "wrong" with our relationship. I think this was a big contributing factor; add it to the fact that I am madly in love with my boyfriend and that this time of year is very difficult for me and, well, it's been a bit rough. We broke up about two weeks before DW and ML celebrated their one year anniversary.

*BUT* here's the success and happiness part...I decided to go ahead and go to the VT poly weekend even though I would be going alone. I got there, and was overwhelmed by emotion at not having my boyfriend there *and* seeing his ex being very physically affectionate with her boyfriend, which was a huge issue in the relationship between she and my boyfriend. Confusing, sorry. I strongly considered leaving but am thankful that something in me chose to stay. Here's an excerpt of what I wrote to the group after the event:
"It's not that my recent experiences have shaken my faith as a whole in polyamory as I am a firm believer in the sustainability of the lovestyle and know it is the right fit for me. It is very atypical of me to avoid interpersonal challenges or to hesitate when forming connections with people but I have been finding myself uncharacteristically hesitant to enter new romantic relationships for fear of the potential emotional pain. I am so thankful for how you all lifted me up this weekend and helped to remind me that while there may be pain, there is far too much beauty in nurturing relationships to let fear win. "
I did meet one or two potential partners, but honestly, that's not the best part. On Sunday, they had a discussion group where we could all discuss topics of interest to us. What I wrote down was "how to celebrate your love's love when you are grieving".

A few people in the group had some wonderful things to say to me, but it was looking over at ML and seeing her smile and nod her head when someone was expressing how I was depriving them of the honor of supporting me, that touched me so deeply. We've had challenges in the past where both of us have filled in meaning for the others' non-verbals that we had no business filling in. In that moment, it all just disappeared. I felt so connected to her. We are doing really well now and really acting as a cohesive unit. She has been coming down on Tuesdays to help us get the kids to their various activities on opposite sides of town and we've just enjoyed being together.

We are finally about to put the garage on that will have a room/in-law type space above it and so we have begun very preliminary talks about having her move in with us. We are actually fortunate that the contractor can't do the building (only the foundation) before the spring (and good for him for having enough work!), so this gives us time to really be thoughtful and make the transition smoothly.

I'm currently 2 hours away from home for my new job (haven't worked outside the home in 10 years!), so she stayed last night to help out and to see if the commute to work was better than she feared.

All in all, things are good! I am not rushing into any new relationships and instead going out on dates as friends that may lead to more or may not. And spending more time connecting with DW separately and with he and his gf.
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  #1122  
Old 11-04-2011, 06:51 AM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Great to hear InLovewith2

I'm celebrating getting my living space back after a size-able flood
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  #1123  
Old 11-23-2011, 07:35 PM
lovinhimloviner lovinhimloviner is offline
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Default Fresh Start

Our family has found a house big enough for all of us to live and not be on top of each other. I am very excited about this. There is enough rooms for hubby and M to have a room, me and hubby to have a room, J and I to have a room and all 4 kids get their own rooms too!!

I am not so delusional to think life will be a dream come true from here on out but I think it will help out a lot to have space.

Things have been going pretty good around our house. Hubby is working and J is taking care of the house and kids. Hopefully j will find a job too and we will all have jobs. Hubby and I have actually got a lot closer the last month or so. I have learned to let go of him a little and that has made things a lot nicer at home. I'm sure my need to talk to him and be with him as much as possible is a little irritating but I have tried really hard to let go as much as I can for now.

I am trying to let go because I feel like the problems we do have are based around the fact that I hold on too tight. I want hubby and M to be as happy as possible and I am tired of being a burden on them or an obligation. I am not asking for "my night" anymore. If they let me have one I will take it. I just want to focus on me and J and hope it makes everyone's lives easier.

I LOVE my family!! Each and everyone one of them. I can not wait to get into our new house and get into a routine that works for all of us. I can't imaging life without M or J. I have never loved another female (non sexually of course) as much as I love M. She is an amazing person and makes hubby so unbelievably happy.
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  #1124  
Old 12-03-2011, 03:32 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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And so the Xmas season begins! Today we will be going over to decorate a tree with Redpepper's hubby's mom and step dad. This will be the second year in a row and is a reminder of just how supportive they have been with our family
Between XMAS and New Years we will had over to RP's parents' vacation cottage to spend time with her entire family including her brother and his partner. There are always interesting discussions and a true sense of bonding when we do these things I believe.

I don't write much stuff on here anymore and I think I know why. Every little step was a huge triumph to get to this point. Now we are just simply living it and the fact that out family dynamic is a little different has become transparent. We're just family
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  #1125  
Old 12-03-2011, 05:11 PM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Hey. Mono. The ex-wife is coming too.
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  #1126  
Old 12-03-2011, 05:20 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
Hey. Mono. The ex-wife is coming too.
Weehooo!!!
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  #1127  
Old 12-11-2011, 07:56 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Default Continuing to learn :)

Last night myself, PN, LB and Redpepper's parents went to watch her sing in her choir at a local theatre. It was a great show and the entire family was very proud of our loved Redpepper

Afterwards, PN went dancing with friends and Redpepper headed off to a "poly" party with Derbylicious and her hubby. I call it a "poly" party because it included people from the local community. I stayed home and had a quite night to myself watching over my little buddy.

Having a partner who is independant can certainly relieve the pressure of having to do things as a couple. The idea that she was with Derby also helps take away a sense of obligation to attend as well. I think it is important to remind myself that we are often in two different streams of social comfort. I enjoy hanging out with both but I think it is still better to step back from the poly social scene and give RP that space to have fun without me around or worrying that I am going to smack someone upside the head for flirting with her And why the hell wouldn't they...she's a sexy lady!!

It's interesting to know that after almost thre years I still don't feel a true part of either social circles. Luckily I am very comfortable in the space between as I enjoy solitude and keeping most people at a distance.

Learning is success, and so is acceptance! Lots of things going on internally, rethinking boundaries, rethinking what parts of traditional "commitment" I am holding onto and wondering what the future holds. What's next?? Make no doubt there will be plenty of love for RP and family
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  #1128  
Old 12-12-2011, 05:25 PM
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SNeacail SNeacail is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG View Post
It's interesting to know that after almost thre years I still don't feel a true part of either social circles. Luckily I am very comfortable in the space between as I enjoy solitude and keeping most people at a distance.
I tried for years to fit in with my husbands social circles and always felt like a bit of an outsider. One day I had a revelation, I personally would not choose any of these people as my friends, so why am I making my self miserable trying to push myself into a close friendships with them? I instead went out to find people I share interests with and was amazed at how much happier I became. So now he has his circle of friends and I have mine. Even going to parties and other events with his group of friends is much more relaxed, because I can enjoy these people as his friends instead of trying to make myself fit in.
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  #1129  
Old 12-12-2011, 07:27 PM
OpenandCountry OpenandCountry is offline
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Originally Posted by SNeacail View Post
I tried for years to fit in with my husbands social circles and always felt like a bit of an outsider. One day I had a revelation, I personally would not choose any of these people as my friends, so why am I making my self miserable trying to push myself into a close friendships with them? I instead went out to find people I share interests with and was amazed at how much happier I became. So now he has his circle of friends and I have mine. Even going to parties and other events with his group of friends is much more relaxed, because I can enjoy these people as his friends instead of trying to make myself fit in.
This is interesting. As of now I have my family, my friends from work/school, Husband's friends, and boyfriend's friends. I love all of them, but they are all seperate. Social circles are complicated at times.
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  #1130  
Old 12-18-2011, 07:17 PM
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MonoVCPHG MonoVCPHG is offline
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Default Burlesque loving :)

Wow, what a night of great shows, friends, family, metamours and sexy confident women!

Last night Redpepper had a Xmas burlesque show and she rocked as per normal

Her husband, PN, was there along with Derby and her husband, myself, and several good friends to show our support and just have a good time together.

One of the other performers asked RP who we all were and I'm sure was a little surprised to find out that three of us were her partners and her girlfriends husband was also there LOL!

We are a very comfortable group to witness by anyone's perspective and I can honestly say, with confidence, that we all care for and respect each other. You can feel the extended consideration among us...and that is the key to our success
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