Originally Posted by Magdlyn
I just want to point out, it's not fair or responsible to say, "When you do X, it makes me feel Y." No one can MAKE a person feel something. I know it's common to say that: "You made me feel jealous, you made me panic," but one's reaction and feelings are one's own.
Better to say, with understanding and by owning your own emotions, "When you do X, I feel Y."
I understand where you're coming from, but my original suggestion said IT made me feel, not YOU made me feel. I guess I was just trying to focus on the situation that caused the reaction, not the people involved. I think it is a semantic issue that would have to be avoided altogether if the partner is going to feel like they are being blamed. Personally, I would focus more on tone and attitude to make sure that it is a discussion about the issue at hand whether it be the behavior or the reaction or both.
I agree with those that have said that the panic seems to be the root issue here. You seem more than willing to work on what is going on, but first you need to figure out why exactly it's happening. If you are already medicated for a panic/anxiety disorder, is it from a psychiatrist or your physician? Talking to a psychologist/psychiatrist that is open to your poly situation might be a good step to take if you haven't done so already.