Originally Posted by km34
My husband and I have an open relationship where either of us can play with anyone at any time as long as the other is informed if a relationship is going to form, but that has been 4 years in the making. Is it really fair to ask the men to completely change their relationship with us wives while we figure out what is going on between the two of us?
I'm a bit confused. The way I see it, you're not asking your husbands to completely change their relationship with you. Really, I don't see how discussion of boundaries between you and F regarding other women is any of your husbands' business anyway...
Sure, I understand that it will change things for them in regards to swinging possibilities, and they may be disappointed to hear that their wife no longer (or at the moment) wants to swing with other women. But you are within your rights to make that decision: just because both original couples have been swinging in the past doesn't obligate you to always be up for that. I don't think it matters whether it's because you just aren't interested in doing that anymore or because you want to build security in your relationship with F. In my mind it just doesn't concern the men in any way.
Now then, I see a difference in positions of your husband and hers, since yours can still have sex with others while hers can't if she no longer participates. If this is a big issue to him (which it may not be), perhaps it is time for them to begin negotiations towards a more open relationship. But that would be the case even if it was for some other reason she decided that she no longer (or for the time being) wants to take part in swinging. But if it's just temporary, and you and F feel that you just need time to build foundation before you engage in swinging (with other women), that may not be required. It depends on how she and her husband feel about that. And that's obviously an issue between the two them.