I don't even know where to begin writing, there are so many communication (and other) issues..
Originally Posted by sickday
Thanks and we'll definitely look into Kink-friendly therapists, but I think what I'm really after is how other people get to the point of having a partner actually be honest and open about their feelings and desires?
I think the bottom line is you can't change him
. How did I get to the point of having my partner be honest and open? I didn't, or well I guess we started from that point, because I've never been partners with somebody dishonest. Not that I'm always communicating perfectly with either of my partners. But both of us gives it our best effort. With that it's hard enough, particularly when we're throwing other people in the mix. But it all sounds like your partner really is not willing to communicate
. If that is how he chooses to act then there is nothing you can do.
I would try the counseling, but if that doesn't bring dramatic changes, I would be done, because I really see no point in being in a relationship (poly/open/mono/whatever) with somebody who doesn't want to, or isn't able to, talk with me. I'm sorry I can't offer advice you're more likely to want to hear.
It's just that without honesty and communication, you can't begin to tackle all the other issues you're seeking help for.