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Old 11-08-2009, 03:07 AM
Nzlovergirl's Avatar
Nzlovergirl Nzlovergirl is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 15
Default Im poly dating a mono.. Hmmm help?

Ok, so, my husband and I have been in a poly relationship for at least the last two years. He has a wonderful girlfriend and I have recently started seeing a guy.

I realised very early on that I have very strong feelings for this man, and him for me and I let him know how i felt.
Now to be clear: he has known me for 2+ years as his employee. He knows im married ,he has met my husband (a couple of years ago). I made it clear that my husband and I have a very firm, stable and poly relationship. I dont like to lable things but if I had to, my husband is my primary partner. I would say this because I live with him, we pool our finances, and we have a mortgage together.

Now, my problem is this: my boyfriend is trying to come to terms with the fact that he has to share me. I am well aware that he feels that he is monogamous. he knows I am not, and we try to understand this about eachother.

I love him and I continue to feel new wonderous feelings for him with each passing day which I share with him as much as possible. But he gets very jealous at the idea that I have a husband. He says:
The guy? Hes great! under different circumstance we could be friends. We have similar interests. But the husband? I hate him and he is the enemy.

I almost cried when he told me this last night. I dont expect them to be bestest buddies, but I had hoped that they could meet and get to know eachother. So that my boyf can understand that I love my husband very much and yet, I love him too.

He said to me last night: Im concerned about you driving home tonight, after all this talking (it was 2am). How about you stay here tonight and go home in the morning?

I said no. That would upset my husband as he has not seen me since friday. I will go home.

He then went on to say that he did not understand how I can say I love him and need him in my life and yet walk out the door. I tried to explain its because I love my husband and I dont want to hurt him.

My boyf also made comments asking me whether I wanted him to have 'half' a relationship. While I udnerstand where he is coming from, we have only been dating for four months or so. We are in the early stages. We're not at the stage, i dont feel, where I would consider spending all week with him, nor moving in together.. We're just not there yet! so even if I could, i dont feel ready for that..

Half a relationship? Does anyone else understand this? perhaps you can word it a bit more appropriately for me as I dont feel i fully understand it...

I think im just looking for some advice from poly's dating monos.. or even some mono's out there.. IYKWIM

EDITED to say: Oh, and I am in more of a polyfidelitous relationship and am not looking to change this any time soon..
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Last edited by Nzlovergirl; 11-08-2009 at 03:14 AM.
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