Polyamory.com Forum  

Go Back   Polyamory.com Forum > Polyamory > Fireplace

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #31  
Old 12-06-2011, 10:21 PM
PipeDreamer PipeDreamer is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Czech Republic
Posts: 11
Default

I am listed as straight and looking for women on OKC. I got an unsolicited message from an uber right-wing conservative Christian anti-gay marriage man who lives 9 time zones away (probably found me through my wife's profile). His message to me said this:

"Grow up into a mature man"

I responded asking what caused him to send me a message. Maybe I can get some interesting and constructive conversation out of this. I can't say I am going to hold my breath, though.
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 12-07-2011, 12:51 AM
nllswing nllswing is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 48
Default I just got a reply!

I just got a reply! Yeah! Below is what I wrote, followed by the answer.


Hi [Redacted],

Since I keep checking your profile every once in a while, maybe I should just send you a note. Your face reminds me about something but I am not sure what.

I recently moved to the city and I'm still in the "kid in a candy store" stage. While work is getting in the way, I love exploring and keep trying to reserve time for it. In 2008 I spend a summer here as well, and was fascinated by the antique shops around 25th with the storekeepers complaining that eBay ate their lunch. Time flies.

What events in NYC you have in mind when you talk about dancing? I enjoy dancing too.

[Nllswing]

She answered a day later:

Hi please don't take offense. I have decided to tell you that we are not a match. No need to contact or view me anymore. don't take it personally.

-------------
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 12-07-2011, 01:08 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,289
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by nllswing View Post
Hi [Redacted],

Since I keep checking your profile every once in a while, maybe I should just send you a note. Your face reminds me about something but I am not sure what.

I recently moved to the city and I'm still in the "kid in a candy store" stage. While work is getting in the way, I love exploring and keep trying to reserve time for it. In 2008 I spend a summer here as well, and was fascinated by the antique shops around 25th with the storekeepers complaining that eBay ate their lunch. Time flies.

What events in NYC you have in mind when you talk about dancing? I enjoy dancing too.

[Nllswing]
Your face reminds me of something, but I don't know what??? I would rather my face remind you of someone, not something that you can't figure out. No one likes being compared to inanimate objects, unless they are beautiful works of art.

To be honest, for me, that message comes off as a bit of a form letter, up until you ask about dancing. It would not draw me to you at all, sorry to say. That middle paragraph, kind of impersonal.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 12-07-2011, 01:15 AM
nllswing nllswing is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 48
Default

I agree with the face comment, I did not think about this when I wrote it (too late now).

I put the middle paragraph because she wrote in her profile that she likes to shop for antiques in Manhattan. Does this change anything? If not, I need a letter-writing trainer.

Last edited by nllswing; 12-07-2011 at 05:00 AM. Reason: adding more, sp.
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 12-07-2011, 01:40 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,289
Default

I just received a message on OKC which totally charmed me. Unfortunately, he lives too far away from me. But everything about his message and profile makes me wish that were not the case. Indeed, he's a 90% match.

What did I find charming about his message? Hmm...
First paragraph: He started off with a reference to something I joke about in my profile, by making cute & funny comments about it. He then tells me he is in an "ethical polyamorous relationship" and would be happy to introduce me to one of his partners, who is also on OKC. This is a second reference to my profile, where I say that I am not interested in married men who are not in ethical poly relationships (I was getting propositioned by lots of cheaters for a while). He's unmarried but it's obvious that his statement was a response to what I'd put out there, and so I know he read my profile, or at least the section down at the bottom.

Next paragraph: He tells me I am "clearly a beautiful woman" and that he loves my hair. Then he says he just reminded himself of an old song by saying that -- and he added a line of lyrics. That was sweet! He then tells me that my shape "works for him" and remarks how he doesn't understand the notion that for a woman to be beautiful, she must "resemble a stick figure." This whole paragraph also references items I talk about in my profile - my hair and my curves. And it was all expressed directly but very respectfully.

Last paragraph: He says that the "real reason" he wrote me is because he likes my "turn of mind." He states that the quotes I have in my profile "resonate" with him, "especially the poem." He then tells me that I am "obviously very bright" and sees me as "capable of engaging the world" on my terms. Because of this, he says, he thinks we can be good friends.

His closing talks about us being "geographically challenged," but that he hopes I would like to be a penpal.
The message made references to my profile or pictures all the way through, and so it felt personal. He referred to me as a woman, not a girl. As a man in his early 60s, he came across as breezy, confident, and playful. Even though he gave me compliments on my appearance, those comments weren't cheesy and didn't seem calculated at all. He made it clear that he was mostly moved by my intelligence, which he thought was evident in some of the things I wrote in my profile. His writing flowed naturally, like a conversation. Charming, charming, charming.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 12-07-2011 at 02:00 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 12-07-2011, 04:49 AM
Somegeezer's Avatar
Somegeezer Somegeezer is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Leeds, UK
Posts: 805
Default

Sounds like a fairly nice fellow, Indie. =] I try to avoid comments on appearance in general when I send messages. Even if this woman is stunning, I just wouldn't know how to put it in a way that didn't sounds like cheese. =P So I stay away from making comments like that in my first message.

I seem to get a lot of response from commenting on things within the profile though. Say they mention a band I like, and I can comment how I once saw them, or that they play an intrument or computer games, to which I can ask a question, such as "how long have you been playing? What was your first instrument/computer game?"

In the past few days I've been talking to someone whose whole family is in a third generation of computer nerds. =]

Even better responses if I manage to make some kind of witty joke on something within the profile. But just like the appearance comments, if you aren't good at making a joke, you could easily offend a lot of people by laughing at their profiles. >.< The best way I find is to joke about something they have already joked about themselves.

There was one who had a comment in the "anything personal you will admit" or whatever that section is called. It said "I am NOT Batman... Actually I am, but had you fooled right?", to which I added in the message something like "You really had me thinking you weren't Batman then. I'm such a fool! =[". It managed to get a few messages back so far. =]
__________________
[Insert witty comment here]
Feel free to add me up on facebook. - Just click here.
Do send a message in your request saying who you are and that you're from this forum. It will help me filter out any spam requests.
=]
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 12-07-2011, 05:24 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,289
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Somegeezer View Post
Sounds like a fairly nice fellow, Indie. =] I try to avoid comments on appearance in general when I send messages. Even if this woman is stunning, I just wouldn't know how to put it in a way that didn't sounds like cheese. =P So I stay away from making comments like that in my first message.
Yeah, I have gotten those cheesy ones, too. "Hi, you're really hot." Ugh. This man said, in a very gentlemanly way, "You are clearly a beautiful woman and I find your hair striking." Basically, he said it because he was responding to my profile. Not that I ask people if I'm beautiful (gawd!), but in the section for The First Thing People Notice About Me, I talk about my silver hair, and how I turned gray in my 20s, stopped dying it brown a few years ago, and never expected such a positive response.

So, in the very least, his words showed me he was paying attention. There have been guys who tried that and failed miserably because they did sound cheesy, phony, and calculating, not genuine. I'm not sure how I can explain what was so different and charming about this one. I think showing me that he didn't just skim through my profile, but actually read it and something clicked, must have something to do with it.
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 12-07-2011 at 05:27 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 12-17-2011, 02:05 AM
Aisling Aisling is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Wellington, New Zealand
Posts: 11
Default

Just got this one -

"Could you suddenly get 10 to 15 years older ?

Damn.

Your advert described my ideal woman.

Go well."

Made me smile
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 12-17-2011, 03:10 AM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 3,680
Default

That's ageist tho, unless you're like, 16 or something.
__________________
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

me: Mags, 59, living with:
miss pixi, 37
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 12-17-2011, 05:54 AM
Somegeezer's Avatar
Somegeezer Somegeezer is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Leeds, UK
Posts: 805
Default

Seems they are certainly missing out on an opportunity, if they really thought only your age was in the way. I agree with Magdlyn about the unless your stupidly young or something. I'm only nearing 20 myself, but wouldn't knock getting to know someone, just because they were 35, or even older.
__________________
[Insert witty comment here]
Feel free to add me up on facebook. - Just click here.
Do send a message in your request saying who you are and that you're from this forum. It will help me filter out any spam requests.
=]
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
communication, online dating

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 04:32 AM.