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Old 12-03-2011, 08:30 AM
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neegoola neegoola is offline
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hey, great thread..
i treasured the link to the blog,
i checked my self estime up (i never give anything for garanted!), that means
i see very good reflections between waht's said in/about the article and my personal vital columns (i agree that gassing may spring from very very small, innocent thoughts, words and actions)

and i discovered a wonderful little company with you here
"as long a i live, i vow to die and be reborn, die and be reborn, die and be reborn, over and over again, forever reinventing myself" r.brezsny
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Old 12-03-2011, 05:33 PM
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Here is another thread tagged gaslighting.
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog
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Old 11-05-2013, 07:40 AM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
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Default the article was piss poor

It gave examples of simple manipulation, which is a far cry from gaslighting.

Gaslighting is malicious, cold blooded

gaslighting is doing things like stashing and alarm clock that plays bluegrass every morning at 5am at just barely audible levels

Gaslighting is duct-taping vent lines to drains which prevents your dwellings drains from working. Dishwashers and clothes washers create water damaging floods which are extremely expensive and frustrating to to fix as it takes many floods before one realizes there are sub-human french shitcamels who reserve those spots in hell for themselves for an eternity (bonus points for using raquet balls instead of duct tape as duct tape you can remove and the house floodings immediately end)

Gaslighting is hacking into you computer because some assholes live by the motto you deserve it if you don't understand PC security. Once they read your all your emails it is amusing to assholes to constantly fuck with you

Gaslighting is highjacking your computer's onboard audio and video, and using it to record and broadcast private and intimate events which they then use to belittle, and blackmail and violate every sense of privacy and feeling of safety one can have at home

Gaslighting is gripping your house and hiding GPS unit on your car

Gaslighting is essentially the worst type of abuse of power and authority as well as violating the most sacred and private places other than physical rape of your body, however it is a mental rape

Gaslighting is hacking into you electronic storage, stealing digital property such as photos, ignoring requests to remove images from book covers, abusing wikipedia editing seniority to claim the images came from a book which my images do not exist in, purchasing the $495 book to prove the images are not there, yet the images still posted as "Rorschach plates" with the same lying thieves insisting the bullshit story

Gaslighting is takes a well organized, technical expertise group effort, and all that take part in it are guilty of the entire lot of it

Last edited by Dirtclustit; 11-05-2013 at 09:07 AM. Reason: toned it down
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Old 11-05-2013, 02:09 PM
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YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
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This just seems like flat-out abuse. Gaslighting, when it was done to me, was much more subtle. When confronting my ex about something he'd said/done in the past that was different from what was happening in the moment, he'd say, "You must be confusing me with someone else again." Or, "I never said that." Even when I remembered the context and the situation, he denied it and I was left wondering if I could trust my memory anymore.

Granted, he had the memory of a gnat, so it may not ALL have been intentional, but it was always a very subtle, insidious technique that made me doubt myself. Over time, it eats away at your confidence and you truly do doubt if you're remembering things correctly.
Dramatis personae:
Me: 47/F, Divorced with 2 kids, 2 cats, fish, a tarantula, and a 1930s house with many projects.
Chops: 48/M, Partner of 6 years.
Spinner: 52/M, Friend I went on a couple dates with. Divorced, Mono, "just friends".
Xena: 47/F, Chops' partner of 6 years
Curls: 50/F, Chops' partner of 1 year

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Choplet: Chops' son
DanceGirl: My oldest daughter
Pokégirl: My youngest daughter
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Old 11-05-2013, 05:28 PM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
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Default It was an extremely vicious mind fucking

most of it done extremely subtle, which unfortunately was my introduction to polyamory, and I didn't mention all of it.

It went on for years and as a result a close friend of mine went certifiably insane, it is the reason I am bitter towards and will have nothing to do with local non-monogamous groups or communities. When people believe they can't get caught or act from a place where they believe their anonymity is guaranteed, it brings out the absolute worst forms of abuse. People who are capable of that level of malice for any reason are not people, and it is impossible for me to respect such individuals

ETA I am sorry for what you had gone through, if it helps, sometimes when you've become accustomed to the practice of honesty, the past|present|future as an experience is one you can see around the corners of, although it's not so much an ability to see around the corners as much as it is to see one aligned straight site, as all of the spinning in circles that is the seemingly natural way time feels ordered, disappears. So during those moments that your honesty becomes such that you know you can trust your word, those memories which the truthfulness are in question, are really no big deal because within a flash of an instant you can see them all and verify your memory -- not as you remembered it, but as it happened.

People who mislead you, or worse, get you to accept lies as the truth for no good reason -- like being too afraid to be responsible for their actions, while not being willing to change their behavior -- you needn't worry about. It is perfectly acceptable to ignore everything a person says or has written once you conclude they do not respect the truth. For they do not know themselves, and in fact their view of the past, present, and future -- even when viewed separately -- is so distorted I promise you they have no idea what they see. A shot in the dark has a better chance of being what is real since reality will never be what they believed it was, is, or is capable of being.

White light is clear, white is not opaque, and so a white that you cannot see through, is really a veil that hides what should be invisible in the first place. WASPs are human, CASPs are not, and if either give you trouble I would ignore them. Surrounding yourself with troublemakers brings trouble into your life, they'll get you to believe that having your cake and eating it too is something you must lie about. Which is itself very much like that original subtlety that brought misery into Our Lives, eating real cake is definitely allowed, but lying about it (which is to not accept responsibility for your actions) is the equivalent of hitting the jackpot on the slots and when the alarm goes off you immediately move one machine over pretending you are def and blind. The casino doesn't care, an employee will arrive within seconds to reset the jackpot alarm but they will not pay you. They will look at you funny since it's obvious what happened, and wonder why you what hide from being paid out the jackpot. I learned the hard way. After being kicked out of the casino for being underage , I learned to move over one machine since they didn't pay you if they didn't have to, but that was a long time ago. I've been back for quite some time now and not only do I have ID, but I don't really need it, as I know myself and those whom also practice honesty know who I am, and I am not interested in gambling with things that are important, we cannot afford to have to police family members. Truth as well as honesty must be voluntary, as they are sure things.

these are fairly important times when a lot of things are getting sorted out. Believe it or not, the clumsiest klutziest person who never does anything right, is a better member than one who does everything right but cannot voluntarily be honest. I think where most people get confused is the fact that everyone can lie, so sometimes the klutz is viewed as less than the *almost* perfect person, but the way families function it is necessary that members do the next right thing voluntarily, which is understanding why it is important to let the affected people know so that mistakes can be corrected

This world doesn't depend or anything being perfect, we depend on the ability for mistakes to be corrected.

That is the only TRUE perfection, which is sort of like manifesting Life from a living miracle, eternally

Last edited by Dirtclustit; 11-05-2013 at 09:08 PM. Reason: a d d e n d u m
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Old 11-07-2013, 01:06 PM
Neurodiverse Neurodiverse is offline
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Default Adhd?

Originally Posted by SourGirl View Post
Hey MrFarFromRight,

Thank you for a insightful response.
I enjoy examining things from all angles, so it was great to read your pov.

The movie is from the late 30's or early 40's I believe ? Psychological reference to gaslighting was coined about the 70`s.
A quick sweep of my favourite search engine, tells me :

' A little known, form of abuse. Gaslighting, is an emotional abuse technique in which one individual creates self-doubt in another. ' *

The most complete, and basic explanation (paraphrased)I found was ;
' Letting someone else twist and define your own reality.' **

I think the author in the link, used a simplified story, to explain how confusing gaslighting can be. The fact is, who knows if those people asking for rides were being malicious or not. There is evidence pointing both ways.
And that,..is how gaslighting drives people crazy. There is usually no proof, just a feeling. In fact physical evidence to the contrary, is usually what keeps the victim moving in the direction of the manipulator.

The people in the story, could of been doing this to many folks, to keep getting 'free rides' without ever coughing up gas money. ( no pun intended). There are little clues to that, by how quickly they go from just being 'grateful' to having expectations.
Or they could of been ignorant, and clueless,...who knows ?

The other point I`d like to make, is that like many other forms of manipulation, gaslighting starts off small,..and the 'big things' come later.

How this ties into poly ?..you hit the nail on the head Mr.FFR, with your example.

There are many cases of confusion from both newbies and experienced people, where they cannot tell if what their spouse or partner wants, is a reasonable request, or 'right'. I see many times, people worry about the moral and ethical evaluation, and forget that it could possibly be the manner in which their spouse is going about getting what they want, that is the real problem.
There are many forms of manipulation. Blackmail, passive-aggressive tendencies, gaslighting, etc. If people are to be their own primaries, then this starts with keeping themselves educated and safe.

We just can't sit here and TELL people we think their spouse is wrong, and expect them to do better simply because we said 'We wouldn`t put up with that.' It would be nice if we gave them a bit more information to look into.


* - www.associatedcontent.com

**- Are you being gaslighted ? - Psychology Today.
and here was I thinking it was all my ADHD!
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behaviour, boundaries, gas lighting, gaslighting, manipulation

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