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Old 11-06-2009, 10:28 PM
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rolypoly rolypoly is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 350

Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I were to experience negative emotions because I am not getting anything in return I would really have to look at what the purpose is for my being there
I hear what you're saying. I was thinking more along the lines of others being uncomfortable because they don't want to receive love from someone they don't love back the same way...

It gets returned to me ten fold in so many ways...
That's wonderful! And yes, it does get returned in other ways, doesn't it. Hmm, maybe there's a broader way to look at how this can all fit together in one's life. A loves B who loves C who loves A... everyone is giving and receiving love in their own capacity. Nice way to look at it.

I've worked with the developmentally disabled also and I know exactly what you mean. It's actually been a bit scary for me to feel so much love from someone with Down's and realize there are still parts of me that are afraid to be loved. Phew. Wonderful that you do this RP! You seem like a neat lady.

I hope that this person is worthy of your trust and takes care of your heart roly... perhaps telling him all this might help. If it doesn't fit to trust him that much then perhaps your sadness is due to the fact that he is not the right one to direct your love to in the depth that you want to give...
We're still getting to know each other and going slowly, but so far, he definitely seems like he is worthy of my trust. He is forthcoming about things personal to him. He shares his feelings when he knows what they are. He allows me to feel what I feel, doesn't label or judge, just smiles. He shows care about my well-being. He makes sure to accommodate my allergies, makes sure I'm comfortable, etc. I've told him most of what I feel, but the time we spend together feels pretty intense, so I want to give space for things to evolve in their own way.

The sadness I feel, I'm pretty sure, has 100% to do with triggers from childhood. Loving a dad who was never there and pushed me away. Crying myself to sleep because I wanted daddy. That sort of thing. Being close to someone often brings this up for me. Sometimes, people associate pain with love because that's what their experiences with love have been. I also lost my mother not that long ago, so love brings a lot of sadness with it for me...

Thanks for helping me externalize this.
My heart is too big to fit into one person.
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