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  #11  
Old 12-01-2011, 03:12 AM
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She definitely sounds like a cowgirl, if she's upset that you and he still want to repair things and move forward.

You might want to show your bf this thread, if he doesn't mind forums like this. I don't think he's really understanding your perspective.
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  #12  
Old 12-01-2011, 03:22 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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I dunno. The fact that he didn't want PH to communicate with her directly and the fact that she took it so hard that they're staying together makes me think that prior to having the "I think we should break up" talk with his wife, he was promising the gf that that's just what he was going to do, maybe (again) falling into the trap of painting an idyllic picture of the future with her without trying to deal with the truth on the ground first. It's possible that she's feeling just as manipulated and yanked around here as PH. Which didn't mean she's behaving in the best possible way, but as Rose said, it's not all on her...

Of course, I could be quite wrong. I think having him come here to share his side of the story would be a great idea. The gf too for that matter.
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  #13  
Old 12-01-2011, 03:46 AM
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I can't tell you how to fix your relationship. I'm not even sure you should. But I can tell you how to survive.


First. Stay Alive. Sometimes thats all you can do.

Second. Maintain your health as best as possible. Eat. Sleep. Bathe.

Third. Maintain your job and a roof over your head. No breakdowns at work. Save those for later.

Fourth. Remember to get out of the house. Do something. A walk. Anything.

Fifth. Medication. real medicine. Fluouxetine (prozac) capsules happen to be on the $4 prescription plan at Walmart. Cheap and effective, see a doctor.

Last. rebuild as you are able.
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  #14  
Old 12-01-2011, 03:51 AM
Primarilyhurt Primarilyhurt is offline
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Already on Wellbutrin and Zoloft and have been since 2000. I'm even, my mood is fine, I'm not depressed.

Thanks for the reminder to take care of basics. Times like this it's easy to forget to make myself the priority.
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  #15  
Old 12-01-2011, 03:53 AM
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I found out i was allergic to wellbutrin. Just when it was working.

Hang in there.
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  #16  
Old 12-01-2011, 03:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gort View Post
Fifth. Medication. real medicine. Fluouxetine (prozac) capsules happen to be on the $4 prescription plan at Walmart. Cheap and effective, see a doctor.
Egad!!! PH, ignore this advice. Gort, that is an irresponsible recommendation. SSRIs often affect people quite negatively, and most people I know try to get off them as soon as possible. That's not "real medicine," that's medication and no one on a message board should tell someone to get prescription anti-depression meds.
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  #17  
Old 12-01-2011, 06:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Egad!!! PH, ignore this advice. Gort, that is an irresponsible recommendation. SSRIs often affect people quite negatively, and most people I know try to get off them as soon as possible. That's not "real medicine," that's medication and no one on a message board should tell someone to get prescription anti-depression meds.
Agreed. I do realize that you were trying to be helpful gort, but we are not doctors or at least this is not a venue for prescribing medications. It might be in your humble opinion... but please make sure you say so before hand.

In my humble opinion any kind of medication would be a last resort. I like to work on my shit drug free. Then I know what is real and what isn't and once I have worked it out I can safely say "ITS WORKED OUT."

PH, what a shit storm you are in. *hugs* you need a good friend and a shoulder to cry on. I'm glad you chose here, but one in Real Life would be a good addition I think.

If I were in your position I think I would get up, brush myself off, stand tall, take some deep breaths and walk out the door to find other stuff to do. I am not suggesting you leave necessarily but if this were me I would consider myself far too invested in this man. I have a life to live and I intend to live it while loving others, but not allowing them to completely dominate my every mood and circumstance (I suck at that btw, but I try and know what my goal is). There is so little time to sit around being devastated... maybe after all this time its time to move on either to do your own thing and distance yourself from his relationship with her by making yourself busy or move on and leave him.

He is obviously struggling to know what to do, perhaps you could direct him here or direct him to people that could help him find a solution if he doesn't have that in his life. It sounds like he is naive to the basic concepts and tried an true solutions to some of the issues you are having... every relationship is different but there are ways of doing things that work. He doesn't seem to be finding places to learn what those things are.
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Last edited by redpepper; 12-01-2011 at 06:44 AM.
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  #18  
Old 12-01-2011, 02:50 PM
opalescent opalescent is offline
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I agree that it is not a good idea for posters to write things along the lines of 'Go take Zoloft.'

However, anti-depressant medication does save lives, even as it often has dreadful side effects. Yes, it is overprescribed, is not for everyone, and probably should not be taken over a long period of time. Ideally, I agree with RP that folks should deal with their stuff unmedicated, sober and unaddicted.

But it's important to recognize that this is not possible for some people at some times. And that SSRI medication, carefully considered and administered, can be extremely useful.

And if they are so inclined, posters, while being careful not to play doctor, may suggest that seeing a psychologist and/or a psychiatrist, and perhaps medication, are options that folks may want to think about. It is similar to suggesting someone may want to talk to a therapist or counselor.

NYCindie, RP - I know that you two were not telling Gort never, ever mention medication again. That's clearly not what you meant. But I feel it is important to point out that medication, while often problematic, can help people. And it can be important to tell people that.
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  #19  
Old 12-01-2011, 05:44 PM
OpenandCountry OpenandCountry is offline
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I cannot help you with your situation, because in my Vee I was the one who got swept away with NRE...
Although the situation my husband is in is not as extreme as yours, you have really helped me see things from his perspective even more than I've been able to on this journey. Thank you.
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  #20  
Old 12-01-2011, 06:05 PM
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Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post

In my humble opinion any kind of medication would be a last resort. I like to work on my shit drug free. Then I know what is real and what isn't and once I have worked it out I can safely say "ITS WORKED OUT."
Thats a hard line to take. When my ex and I first forayed into poly and it was such a disaster, I was so incapacitated with depression I couldnt even get out of bed and stop screaming/crying with pain. I wouldnt have been able to get as mentally healthy as I did, as quickly, without the Zoloft. My therapist diagnosed me with clinical depression tho before she prescribed it, and I did 3 years of counseling. Made me the free woman I am today!

JUST MY EXPERIENCE. Your mileage may vary.

To the OP, my ex also wanted to move his gf in after 2 months of their relationship. That really drove me around the bend! "Over my dead body," was my mature response. *rolleyes*
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Last edited by Magdlyn; 12-01-2011 at 06:07 PM.
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