#11
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i don't see any problem with checking in, saying where you are, and what time you think will be home, that is fair enough but saying you have to be home by 11pm and there is no flexibility in this i feel is too restrictive, but thats just how id feel there is nothing to say that the OPs partner would not be more than ok with this
i am all for being flexible and understanding but i just would hate to give up the possibility to be spontanious! Jools |
#12
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As long as "being spontaneous" is an accepted practice within your relationship then that is great! I think for most, the idea of "spontaneity" is akin to communicating after the fact. Especially in new experiences with poly I think communication before the fact is extremely important.
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Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules. Monogamy might just be in my genes ![]() Poly Events All Over |
#13
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My husband keeps a crazy schedule (and mind you, this has NOTHING to do with dating other people), and I often wake up in the middle of the night and call him to make sure he's ok (especially around 3 or 4 am when the bars and comedy clubs are closed). When I went on my whole TWO dates with my other guy, husband called me JUST to make sure I was ok. It's nice to know that someone cares enough to do that. Last edited by NeonKaos; 11-06-2009 at 05:59 PM. |
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I'm putting a link to a previous post of mine which deals with the positive results of having and respecting boundries. I think it may be relevant in this discussion....if not..sorry
![]() http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=772
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Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules. Monogamy might just be in my genes ![]() Poly Events All Over |
#16
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however if i decide that i want to change my plans and spend the night, or if something happens and im going to be later, then i simply send a text or make a call to let him know and its usually no problem unless there is some spesific need for me to come home when i said i would then being spontanious is fine, so its not really after the fact because i do check in i just am allowed to change my plans, i don't have a set time to be home and i am allowed to spend the night away from home, and i give same privladges to him. I don't see why having set time to come home and not being allowed to stay out all night would be a problem ![]() and they are meeting your needs and spending quality time and being respectful. Jools |
#17
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This is a new relationship Ladyjools...think of it from a new persons perspective. Of course the boundries and flexibility would evolve as the comfort level increaesed...you're in a different place and I understand that.
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Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules. Monogamy might just be in my genes ![]() Poly Events All Over |
#18
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i don't think i was ever in the place where i had those restrictions,
and so it is hard for me to understand them im more curious as to why that would be needed. Jools |
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Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules. Monogamy might just be in my genes ![]() Poly Events All Over |
#20
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I'm a little surprised Ladyjools. Weren't you saying in a thread you started that you were concerned about your own man around boundaries? I'm surprised that you would stay out all night if your partner had some feelings around that. If he didn't then great, but we aren't talking about that, were talking about meeting people where they are at...?at the start of coming into poly...
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Tags |
boundaries, rules, second partner, third partner |
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